Tuesday, 30 July 2019

123 - horror.fantasy.noir

THE STUDIO MURDER MYSTERY (1929) - Neil Hamilton, Frederic March in Paramount propaganda for itself.

The House Of The Seven Gables (1940 - B/W) - Typical period drama of the era. Vincent Price as a young lead is odd.

Five Graves to Cairo (1943 - B/W) -  Typical post-Casablanca exotica mixed in with war propaganda.

Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves (1944) - Baffling, with red-haired white kids as "Caliph's sons". And drawing moustaches on regular American character actors = Mongols.

Phantom Lady (1944 - B/W) - Well-made noir, uses Franchot Tone's cadaverous features, but noir alienates me.

Experiment Perilous (1944 - B/W) - Ropey romantic noirish period drama.

Gaslight (1944 - B/W) - It feels unconvincingly Victorian in a very American way.

A Place of One's Own (1945 - B/W) - Hmm, sub-Gainsborough haunting with James Mason.

The Blue Dahlia (1946 - B/W) - Again, not a noir man.

Kiss of Death (1947 - B/W) - Lots of fedoras.

 Somewhere in the Night (1946 - B/W) - Richard Conte practises for his 70s Eurocrime days in this typical alienating, grim noir.

Gilda (1946 - B/W) - Again...

So Dark the Night (1946 - B/W) - A simplistic noir-morality tale in a WW2 fairytale village.

Dead Reckoning (1947 - B/W) - Typical Bogie noir. I find it grim.

To The Ends of the Earth (1948 - B/W) - Faux-Chinese noiredium.

Corridor of Mirrors (1948 - B/W) - Sub-Powell and Pressburger reincarnation schmaltz. Christopher Lee's debut.

Caught (1949 - B/W) - Slushy Ophuls noir with James Mason and Barbara Bel Geddes, who looks like a smoother version of herself in Dallas.

Penny Points to Paradise (1951 - B/W) -  Early Goons thing. Telling how Sellers kind of fakes into the background, compared to even Alfred Marks and Bill Kerr.

DER VERLORENE (1951 - B/W) - German noir. In Germany, Peter Lorre seems to be a more normal actor, if that makes sense.

Slappiest Days of Our Lives (1953 - B/W) - Sellers-narrated hodgepodge of silence. At times, may be some of his better work.


Totò all'inferno  (1955)  - Toto is one of those people known more for being on the walls of Italian restaurants outside Italy. This is colourful but not much else. Earth-scenes tinted blue.
Whtaever Happened to Baby Toto (1964 - B/W) - Silly parody, the ending involving sandcastles recalls Equus more than anything.

Time Without Pity (1957 - B/W) - Dreary Redgrave noir, Michael Redgrave as an unconvincing dull Canadian.

Nachts wenn der Teufel kam (1957 - B/W) - Depressing Teutonic true-crime with Mario Adorf.

 Murder by Contract (1958 - B/W) - TVish noir with Vince Edwards.

The Playgirls and the Vampire (1960 - B/W) - Silly but atmospheric.
Ditto Slaughter of the Vampires (1962 - B/W)

The Minotaur, the Wild Beast of Crete (1960) - Rosanno Schiaffino being held hostage by an impressively Muppetty bull-man is the one highlight of this typical slice of peplum tedium.

Psycosissimo (1961 - B/W) - Baffling, bumbling Ugo Tognazzi com.

 Spotlight on a Murderer (1961) - Irritatingly smug Franju take on Ten Little Indians about a coffin-bound count who is killing folk.  Ok.rued.

The Return of Dr. Mabuse (1961 - B/W) - Strained, forgettable Lang imitation.
The Death Ray of Dr. Mabuse (1964 - B/W) - More of the same, Robert Beatty and Leo Genn shoehorned for UK audiences.

La maldición de Nostradamus (1961) - AIP-TV Mexican vampire nonsense. All Mexican vampire movies feel the same.

The Brainiac (1961 - B/W) - Ditto.

The Invasion of the Vampires (1962 - B/W) - AIP-TV imported Mexican faux-Hammer crap about Count Frankenhausen.

Landru (1963) - Baffling attempt at murder-comedy by Chabrol. Looks like a Carry On.

The Whip and the Body (1963) - The plot doesn't grab, but the visuals do.

RoGoPaG (1963) - Topo Gigio, Orson Welles, Pasolini, Godard, Rosselini and the lesser known Ugo Gregoretti.  It doesn't quite work. A mess of Italian artiness.

The Girl Who Knew Too Much (1963 - B/W) - Bava tries to do a Rutherford Marple, and fails because he hasn't got the talent.

Katarsis  (1963 - B/W) - Just teens mildly spooked by Christopher Lee in a ruff.

Blood Feast (1963) - It looks better than it should.


La cabeza viviente (1963 - B/W) - Astonishingly blatant ripoff of the Four Skulls of Jonathan Drake from Mexico.

Nothing but the Best (1963) - Confused, typically "whacky" post-Frost satire.

The Blancheville Monster a.k.a. Horror (1963 - B/W) - Amateurish Spanish gothshlock.

A Taste For Women (1964 - B/W) - Baffling sub-Czech New Wave French comedy written by Polanski.

La cité de l'indicible peur (1964 - B/W) - Irritating Jean-Pierre Mocky old dark house comedy with Bourvil and a tattooed banknote, weirdly remade as the brilliant Litan.

Terror in the Crypt (1964 - B/W) - Dodgy Italian Carmilla with Christopher Lee in a wig.


Terror-Creatures from the Grave (1965) - Rote Barbara Steele gothic.

Vendetta of Lady Morgan (1965 - B/W) - Another faux-Scottish boilerplate Italian gothic, though the usually villainous bruiser Gordon Mitchell is almost convincing as a romantic lead. 

Thrilling (1965) - Baffling pop-art comedy anthology with Sordi, Manfredi, etc.

Juliet of the Spirits (1965) - Overlong, self-indulgent surrealism from Fellini.
Like the sentimental La Strada (1954 - B/W), it's all about Fellini's love for Giulietta Masina.

James Tont operazione UNO (1965)/Operazione  D.U.E.  (1966) - Blatant,  silly Dino  De  Laurentiis  spoofs with  Lando   Buzzanca, a  villain called Eric Goldsinger and  an  off-screen contact with Bond himself.  Buzzanca  does  a  British  Invasion-parodying   musical  number   in   the    second.

The  Third Eye (1966 -B/W) - Atmospheric  but dull proto-giallo melodrama with "Frank Nero".

Alice of Wonderland in Paris (1966)-  Serviceable   Gene  Deitch hour.

Upperseven (1966) - Thick-earedAlberto   De  Martino  South Africa/London-set  spy nonsense.

The  Spy  who Liked Flowers (1966) -   Charles Gray-alike Roger Browne stars   in  a silly  Umberto Lenzi  spy romp  with a  comedy  soundtrack.

"Requiem For A Secret Agent"  (1966) - Stewart Granger dubs  himself  in a  sadistic little   cheapie that predates Diamonds   are Forever in  a  key sequence.

Du Rififi A Paname (1966) -Middling Euroheist.

An Angel for Satan (1966 - B/W) - Lesser Barbara Steele.

The Witch (1966 -  B/W) - Socopolitical arthouse  "satire" with Richard Johnson.

Ring Around the World (1966) -  Eurospy  mush.

The Long Night of Veronique (1966) - Forgettable colour sub-Krimi Italian nonsense.

Spies  Strike   Silently  (1966) -   Forgettable Rank-distributed  fluff with   Lang  Jeffries.

The Hunchback of Soho (1966)  -Silly Edgar Wallace krimi, full of Avengers-ish eccentric loons and a stupid hunchback targeting a Magdalene laundry/boarding school. Ok.rued.

Creature with the Blue Hand   (1967) -   American-accented toffs  in period  outfits  in 1960s London, a   typical krimi. Youtubed.

Danger Deathray! (1967)  -  Stupidispy.

Troppo per Vivere. Poco per Morire (1967) - Has fake BBC crews and Claudio Brook as Gordon Smash!  Seems  to  think Home Counties  suburbs are exotic.

Italian Secret Service (1968) - Goofball Nino   Manfredi crud with  Clive Revill.

If (1968) - A great cast, but schizophrenic.

The Fuller Report (1968)   -  Ken   Barlow-alike Ken Clark in more forgettable espionage.

Castle of the Creeping Flesh (1968) - German erotic-horror haunting nonsense with Howard Vernon. Shades of Jess Franco.

A Black Veil for Lisa (1968) - Odd nonsensical semi-giallo melodrama-romance. John Mills definitely dubs himself, and at least hey, John Mills is in this. And I think Robert Hoffmann does too.

The Sweet Body of Deborah (1968) - More middle-class gialli  travelogue nonsense.

Deadfall (1968) - Pervy Bryan Forbes heist. With Michael Caine and a Barry-Bassey score.


A Lovely Way to Die (1968) - Weirdly krimi-esque sub-Matt Helm goofball mystery with Kirk Douglas and Kenneth Haigh, meaning this has a connection to the oddly similar Night Train to Murder. I need to stave off terrible 60s mainstream thrillers on ok.ru.

Hand of Power (1968) - Another krimi, this time with Joachim Fuchsberger, the other German telly icon who recurred in Wallace movies, but thankfully much less problematic than aul Derrick. Full of knobbly bits, sinister lady taxidermists in white, chimpanzees hugging, a skeleton-clad killer, but it is clearly trying to be the Avengers, down to an Emma Peel-type. Although unlike the Avengers, like many of the Wallaces, this actually has black actors/characters, as if knowing diversity is as much a part of Britain as red buses,Big Ben and classical music-loving blustery comic relief Scotland Yard superiors with knighthoods and monocles. Ok.rued these krimis.

Gorilla of Soho (1968) = Lots of breasts. But just as silly. More girls' schools and strip-clubs. And yet more scenes around some docks. And funny masks.

The Hound of Blackwood Castle (1968) - Sub-Baskervilles nonsense.

The Man with the Glass Eye (1969) - A big shock climax involving the death of the female lead instead of the villainess aside, basically proto-Derrick with a few Brit dressings for Horst Tappert. Set in a working men's club with a cowboy knife thrower. There's also a scary ventriloquist's dummy resembling an acromegalic diddyman. The trouble about the German Wallaces is while the British ones are staid, the German ones are overtly goofy. It's like Scooby Doo with actual death. They feel like they mock themselves.

Double Face (1969) - Sleazy Klaus Kinski-starring Cinecitta-shot giallo/krimi hybrid. Nora Orlandi reused her soundtrack in the Strange Vice of Mrs. Wardh.

Horrors of Malformed Men (1969) - Samey  Japanese period horror.

Oh, Grandmother's Dead (1969) - Dull comedy giallo with the late Valentina Cortese (who I didn't realise was even still about).

Lokis. Rekopis profesora Wittembacha (1970) - Sitges-winning Polish steampunk artehouse horror bafflement.

Aoom (1970) - Bleary-eyed experimental nonsense with Lex Barker.

Hercules in New York (1970) - Sub Mel Brooks  Ahnhult debut.

Scream of the Demon Lover (1970) - Grubby period gothic, dirty and unattractive.

Angels of Terror  (1971)- Nice London  footage,  but a complete krimi  mess.

The Fourth Victim (1971) - Dodgy Faux-Brit giallo by Eugenio Martin, with Michael Craig.

Something Creeping in the Dark (1971)    -  Idiotic,boring, badly lit  Butcher's-distributed dark house giallo.
See also The    Killer  Has Reserved  9 Seats  (1974) and Death on the Fourposter (1964)

Jack the Ripper (1971) - Dreary Paul Naschy modernisation with a ZCars-ish soundtrack.

The Devil with Seven Faces (1971) - Silly Harold Robinson-esque giallo with Stephen Boyd. I think that's my problem with gialli. They're Transatlantic Tripe with a few murders, endless traveloguery and the heroes are inevitably middle-class housewives who have been or have cheated. Brian Clemens and Harold Robbins smashed together.

Crimes Of The Black Cat (1972) - Nonsensical Poe-influenced giallo.

Death Walks At Midnight (1972) - Idiotic middle-class modelling giallo, with a camp bloke in a silver wig.

The Case of the Scorpion's Tail (1972) - Nice London locations segue into something like a bloody Michael J. Bird serial.

The Scarlet Letter (1972) - Actually quite epic, beautiful, almost Karl May-ish take on Hawthorne by Wim Wenders.

Eye in the Labyrinth (1972) - Idiotic sub-Bay of Blood giallo with Adolfo Celi.

The Killer is On The Phone (1972) - Grim lesbian-themed giallo with Anne Heywood and Telly Savalas. Nice Belgian locations.

Greaser's Palace (1972) - Insufferable Robert Downey biblical-acid western.

The Loreley's Grasp (1973)  -  Surprisingly fun Spanish-German Gorgon-alike.

The Bloodstained Lawn  (1973) - "Marina Mullligan"/Malfatti stars in this hippy eejit-countercultural industrial vampire schlock.

La Muerte Incierta (1973) - Forgettable Jose Larraz jungle nonsense prefiguring 1974's Ghost Story


What  Have They Done To  Your Daughters (1974)- Well-made   but grim/sleazy  paedothriller.

Seven Deaths in the Cat's Eye (1973) -  Nonsensical fauxScottish Gainsbourgiallo.

Puzzle (1974)  -  Dull semi-giallo    from  Duccio Tessari.

The Killer Wore Gloves (1974) -  Spanish London  giallo  nonsense.

Night of the Seagulls (1975) - Awful Spanish cobblers about the Blind Dead.

Caglostro (1975) - Sub-Ken Russell biopic with Curd Jurgens.

Deadly  Strangers (1975) - HTVsleaze.

Evil Eye (1975) - Asinine sexy Mexican giallo.

Tiempos duros para Drácula (1975) - Terrible comedy with Jose Lifante as a sentimental, cello-playing Hispanic Paddy Drac.

Yeti -Giant of the 20th Century (1977) - Not bad Italo-Canadian Kong knockoff shot at Cinecitta. Unlike most real Canadian films, it actually tries to be as overtly Canuck as possible, lots of RCMP, views of the CN tower, Maple leaves and even a weird Lassie/Littlest Hobo-type subplot. Was this also made to cash in on the faux-Canadian Jack London adaps swarming Rome's studios at this time?

Brass Target (1978)-  Peculiar all-star WW2  conspiracy   giallo.  Rewatch.

Blackbirds Mystery (1983) - Peculiar Soviet Marple. Has  guerrilla footage of a train station with ads  for Local Hero and Hot  Fantasies, and a blacked-up Mr. Mash-alike gardener. And a setting that has period costumes and Rubik's cubes.
Ten Little Indians (1987) - An unusual film. More Soviet Agatha Christie. In fact, Vladimir Zeldin is in both. It looks good, but in being so close to the book, it becomes cold, bleak and depressing.

Hard  to be a God    (1989)  -  Better than the  recent version. Indebted to Highlander  and Dune. Ok.ru

Split Second (1992) - Jason Watkins pops up, age 26, looking as old as he does now. Dreary, badly-shot sci-fi noir set in a flooded London with Rutger Hauer.

Secret Adventures of Tom Thumb (1993) - Beautiful but disturbing British stop-motion opus, Eraserhead meets Terry Pratchett's Truckers.

The Pearl (2001) - Never have I seen a film so accurately capture the mood and feel of a 70s exploitation Europudding. Ageing Mexican exploitation director Alfredo Zacarias, the man behind The Bees directs this extremely De Laurentiis/ITC/Towers-ish Steinbeck adap. An ageing, Dumbledore-rasp-voiced Richard Harris pops up.


The Fall of the House of Usher (1960) - Nicely shot, but cheapskate. Ok.rued.

Tuesday, 9 July 2019

101


Hell's Angels - A Howard Hughes Production (1930) -A silent  at heart.

 Tarzan the Ape Man (1932)  - I don't get movie Tarzan.

Sullivan's Travels   (1941   -  B/W)-  Sturges  forgets to focus on some   of  his own jokes,  i.e. a hanging  corpse   cameo.

Public     Enemy  (1931),  Little Caesar (1931),  Petrified Forest   (1936),   Angels  with  Dirty Faces  (1937), Guncrazy  (1949),  White  Heat  (1949), The Asphalt  Jungle   (1950)  -  all noir.  Admired bits, but  not my thing.


Elephant Boy (1937 -  B/W)- Pioneering but  cruel-to-animals travelogue.

The Inspector General (1949) - Danny Kaye period bafflement though the ghost  number is memorable.

THE ADVENTURES OF JANE (1949  - B/W)-   Mild cheesecake  with  the  original   comic's  model,   Christabel Leighton-Porter,  now  middle-aged.

The Tattooed Stranger (1950 - B/W)  -     Middling NY noir.

The Inspector (1962)  -   Turgid  post-Exodus melodramawith Stephen Boyd,Sr.Dolores  Hart and  Arab Harry Andrews.

The Ugly American (1963)- Idiotic Brando preachiness in not-Nam.


Naked Kiss (1964-  B/W)- Fuller does  softporn.

The System (1964 -  B/W) -  Finally  finished this.  Basically  the  Damned without the nuke-children, but Reed is brilliant as always.   Basically given a followup  by Winner  as the messy I'll Never Forget Whats'isname    (1967)

Ensign Pulver  (1964) - Who thought Robert Walker Jr.'d be a  star?

Flight  of   the Phoenix (1965)-  Submerged  in  its own length.

The Boy Cried Murder (1966)- Cheap, sub-ITC/CFF   Clemensia.  Baffling end.

The Last of the Secret Agents? (1966) -  Dire sub-Elvis spy spoof starring  sub-crooner  Steve  Rossi and Marty  Morrissey-alike Marty  Allen Ok.ru.

Who's That Knocking at My Door (1967)  -    Scorsese   B/W sub-porn  art-twaddle.

The Caper of the Golden Bulls (1967)-   Idiotic   Stephen  Boyd caper.

Tony Rome (1967) -   Telly-like Sinatra nepotism heavy actioner.

Rocket  to the Moon (1967)- Lush by  Towers standards  but basic comedy.   Rocket doesn't  even  leave Earth.

Kill a Dragon (1967) - Hong Kong  based  DocSavagery with Jack Palance. One of the worst  post-Bond  actioners.  Ok.ru

Madigan's Millions (1967)-  Sub-Shadows-Soundtracked   Eurospy "comedy". You'd  never know Dustin  Hoffman'd  be  a star.

Hot Rods to Hell  (1967) - Desperate attempt to  combine heart-searing family melodrama and juvenile delinquency.

Head (1968)- Surreal   bollocks, nice music.

Only When I Larf (1968) - Obnoxious    nutty hijack.  Ok.ru

The    Secret of Santa Vittoria  (1969) -Overlong  Italian  flimsy  whimsy.

Take the Money and Run (1969) - Televisual, but  it was made by ABC.

Riot (1969)  -  Depressing Jim Brown   prison flick.  Gene  Hackman and Brown reunited from
The Split  (1968) -   Workmanlike   Westlake adap with an insane  cast  by Gordon Flemyng, the man  behind   ze  Dalek films. Ok.ru

Pendulum (1969)- Dull Peppardsploitation.  Ok.ru-Tried  the very-TV like P.J.  (1968),  which felt outdated yet trying to  be hip  and  sexist,  and the  Harold Robbins-esque  The Third Day (1965)

Generation (1969)-   Idiotic David  Janssen gap-com.

Alice's Restaurant (1970) -   Beckinsale-alike   Arlo Guthrie cooks up  a plate of  hippie shite.

Something for Everyone (1970)  - Airless  Michael York/Angela Lansbury juvenile Austrocaper.

The Angel Levine  (1971) -   Preachy ecumenical  psychedelia. Free US holiday  for  Milo O'Shea.

The Christian Licorice Store  (1971)-  Post-Love Story  tennis tosh.
See also Your Three Minutes Are Up (1973).

The Sandpit Generals  (1971)   -    AIP     South   American  youth   rally.

Suppose They Gave a War an Nobody Came? (1971)   - Dreadful Tony Curtis saggy M*A*S*H.

Pulp  (1972) - Never knows  what  it  is,  despite  Caine at  his coolest.

X, Y and Zee (1972)   -   Caine  and  Taylor in   domestic hell.

Le Grand Blond Avec Une Chaussure Noire (1972)-   A  key title in baffling French comedy.Rewatch

I Want What I Want (1972) - Early transgender film,  tawdry and  confused.  40-odd Anne  Heywood cast  as a  twentysomething  MTF, in her  pre-transition form looks  like   the  Freak  from  Prisoner Cell Block H.

Play It As It Lays (1972) -Overarty exploit/exploration of   Tuesday  Weld. 

Hit! (1973)-  Lushly  produced but tedious  Billy Dee  Williams/Richard  Pryor. Who wants  a 2 1/2 hour blaxploitation?

Save the  Tiger (1973)-  Probably  too young   to get such a middle-age tale.

Steelyard Blues (1973)-  All-star mess.

Crazy Joe (1974) -  DeLaurentiis   true-life schlock, Peter Boyle as a Mafioso.    Fred  Williamson wears a hairnet. New   York shot by Italians   looks like   Italy.

Bank Shot (1974)  -George C. Scott tries goofball  comedy and  fails.  A  semi-sequel to ze smug  The Hot Rock (1972)

Busting  (1974)/Freebie and the Bean  (1974)-  Dopey, obnoxious copshows.  Ok.ru

Mame   (1974) - Sheesh,just an excuse  for Lucy's wigs.

Tough  (1974) - Preachy  African-American  Christian Children's Film  Foundation.

The     Wrestler (1974) - A half-hearted Ed Asner docudrama produced by  Dave Friedman.

NEWMAN'S LAW (1974)-  Why was this faux-blaxploitation Peppardier  released   in cinemas?

Return  to Macon  County (1975)-  Sub-American  Graffiti  non-sequel.

Uptown Saturday night  (1974)/LETS DO IT AGAIN (1975)/ A Piece Of The Action (1977) -  Samey Cosby/Potter sub-Sting.An  all-star   lineup of  black talent  from Harold  Nicholas and Billy   Eckstine to Johnny  Sekka and Calvin Lockhart.    Was Roscoe  Lee  Browne  the black   Freddie  Jones?

Lady   Snowblood   II (1974)-   The pseudo-Victorian setting  adds   something to a typical samuraier.

Mussolini: The Last Act (1975) -    Slow, meandering, despite Steiger,  Nero,  Fonda as a cardinal.

Friday Foster (1975) -  Dull  Pam Grier comic strip.

Mahogany (1975) -   Diana  Ross  and  Billy Dee Williams  in   a  blaxploitation  take on Susann-Robbins-Sheldon pornographic  muzak. The  worst film my uncle Gibby has ever  seen.

Give 'em Hell, Harry! (1975) -   Was this devised  to feel like  a  Saturday  Live sketch?

 That Lady from Peking (1975) -   Rough Aussie spy thing  made  in  1969, understandably  delayed, by which time   bit-parter Jack Thompson    had  become one  of Australia's biggest stars.

Funeral  for an  Assassin (1975) - Apartheid actioner. Vic Morrow  probably  assumed blacking up  in disguise would be the worst thing to happen to him  in  front  of camera.   Sadly, he   was wrong.


Whiffs (1975) - EejityElliot Gould  military-com. Ok.ru.

Ebony, Ivory & Jade  (1976)- Dull faux-Hong  Kong  Olympic prison girls gash.

A Small Town In Texas (1976)    -    AIP  hillbilly tosh.

The Passover  Plot  (1976)- Cannon  presents the   Bible    via conspiracy theory. Despite strong  British character  support, Zalman King maybe  the  worst  Jesus,  portrayed as  an  Elvis/Diana/Andy Kaufman  figure.     Ok.ru

Black Oak Conspiracy (1977) -  Yokel  action fluff.

The Black     Pearl  (1977)  - Juvenile adventure  nonsense padded out by undersea footage. Ok.ru.

World's Greatest Lover (1977)  - Trite Gene Wilder  vehicle.

Nunzio  (1978) - Sweetly  twee  fable of   a special needs Superman,  with Joe  Spinell as  friendly  neighbour.

Who'll Stop the Rain  (1978) - Kitchen sink dirgirisation of Vietnam  vigilantesploitation.  Ok.ru

The One and Only (1978) -   Carl  Reiner tries and fails to turn Henry Winkler into  Steve Martin.

Chilly  Scenes of Winter (1979)  -   Exactly  what it  says on the tin.

A Touch of the Sun (1979)  - A NASA-themed British-Zambian sexcom,  starring   Oliver     Reed, PeterCushing,   Keenan  Wynn, Wilfrid Hyde-White, Bruce  Boa, and  Melvyn Hayes as a camp Tarzan?   So  awful  it never   got a  proper release.

Buffet  Froid (1979)-Attractively shot but  rather languid  Depardieu gangster pic.   Ok.ru

Portrait of a Hitman (1979)   -  Dumpy actioner  that    never  got a proper release despite  an  insane  cast (Jack   Palance,  Rod  Steiger ,  Richard  Roundtree). Ann Turkel  plays Palance's art-model/strange-lover. It  gets  confusing,  as Herb Jeffries,  the Duke  Ellington   Band singer/Bronze   Buckaroo appears, and looks  like  Steiger  with a  tan   (Jeffries  was half-Sicilian,  with some distant  Arab/Ethiopian blood, but because Sicilians had been under Jim  Crow laws  due to "one drop" complications amongst  various   other matters,  Jeffries became the   first black  singing cowboy).

Radio On (1979- B/W)- Accurately captures the despair of  a UK roadtrip.

Used   Cars   (1980) - Did  Zemeckis  intend  to make a  Hal Needham fan-film?

 Rollover (1981)-  Dreadful Arab-financial nonsense with Kris Kristofferson miscast as a NYC  establishment   pre-yuppie businessman. Ok.ru

Buddy Buddy  (1981)-Idiotic quasiFrench  Billy Wilder  swansong.

King Of The Mountain (1981)  - Nothingy LA  racer.

 Ladies and Gentlemen: The Fabulous Stains (1981)  -  Wellmade but obnoxious Canadian punk odyssey with Diane Lane, Laura  Dern and Ray Winstone.

Missing    (1982)  -    Soft-focus preaching  against Pinochet. Ok.ru

The  Naked Face    (1983)  - Godawful,  beige  Cannon-Sydney Sheldon-Bryan Forbes thriller.Has Roger Moore shouting "Bastards!".

Compromising Positions (1985)-    Very TVM-like Susan Sarandon vehicle.

Shaker Run (1985) -Beigey  NZ chaser-actioner with Cliff Robertson,Lisa Harrow,  Leif Garrett and Shane Briant.

Jakarta (1988)- Middling Troma   Indonesian  actioner.

Firehead  (1991) - Rubbishy  faux-Soviet action.


Thursday, 4 July 2019

147 horror

Phantom Express  (1932-  B/W)-   Dull poverty row illusion.

Thirteen Women (1932-  B/W) - Primitive melo-slasher.

Kongo (1932  - B/W)-    Strange  yet rote   jungle adventure.

The Witching Hour (1934- b/w) - Pre Code Paramount  parlour room  airiness.
See also  proto-Meet Joe  Black,  Death Takes a Holiday (1934- B/W)

The Scoundrel (1935 - B/W)- Quota quickie-like Noel  Coward supernatural drama.

The Return Of Peter Grimm (1935 - /W)  Schmaltzy Lionel Barrymore fantasy melodrama.

Peter Ibbetson (1935) - Gary  Cooper sentiment. Dreamy  but inauthentic. Not  my thing.

Phantom Ship (1935- B/W) - Early Hammer about the Mary  Celeste, basically Bela  Lugosi as  a seadog.

House of Secrets (1936  -    B/W) - Dreary  Chesterfield faux-quota  quickie.

Topper Takes A Trip (1938 - B/W)- Just a holiday for the audience.

A Christmas Carol (1938- B/W)  - Sentimental  Reginald Owen anachronosia.
See also Scrooge (1935-   B/W).

Beyond Tomorrow (1940 - B/W)- Sentimental ghosts with   C Aubrey Smith.

Chamber of Horrors (1940- B/W)  - Typical British krimi.

Spellbound (1941 - B/W) -  Dreary  Derek  Farr drawing roomer.

Beyond the Blue Horizon (1942   -  B/W)- Silly   color  jungler. Ok.ru.

The Remarkable Andrew (1942-   B/W)-   William    Holden's presidential Rentaghost.

The Cockeyed Miracle (1946-  B/W)-  Schmaltzy Frank Morgan periodcom. Keenan Wynn looks  like Vincent Price.

Castle Sinister (1948)   -   Forgettable Brit darkhouser.

Uncle Silas (1947-  B/W)- Sub-Gainsborough  gothic.

The Perfect  Woman (1949 - B/W) -  Silly faux-fembot    comedy, though nice  support  from Miles  Malleson.

Will Any Gentleman...? (1953)   -  Strange, not terribly good  comedy   despite  an attempt to  make George  Cole  and Jon P'twee (who  is  in  two roles, one  in his earliest  form)a duo.

Alias John Preston (1955 - B/W)- Dreary Danziger's Jekyll/Hyder  with Christopher Lee.

First Spaceship on Venus (1960) - Decent.A rewatch.See also Planeta Bur (1962)and Ikarie  XB-1 (1963).

IL MIO AMICO JEKYLL  (1960- B/W)  - Basically  Werewolf in a Girls' Dormitory with  added minstrels and Ugo Tognazzi.

The Road to Hong Kong (1962 - B/W)  - Idiotic  Brit-based Hope/Crosby future-nonsense.

A Dream Come True (1963) - Idealistic Soviet  space epic,  bits reused by AIP  in Queen   of Blood.  More  proof  Soviets could make good   SF.

Tomb of Torture (1963 -    B/W) - Dull.

Virgin of  Nuremberg (1963) - Colouful but empty giallo with Christopher Lee.

The Ghost (1963)-   Typical atmospheric yet lacking-in-almost-everything-else Italian  Barbara  Steele horror.

IL MOSTRO DELL' OPERA (1964  - B/W) -Incomprehensible gothic,   typical Polselli.

Face of the Screaming Werewolf (1964)- Chaney Jr-starring salvage.

Shock Treatment   (1964 - B/W) - Boring post-Psycho  courtroomer, despite a gleeful Roddy McDowall.

The Hyena of London (1964- B/W) -  Faux-London period  cobblers.

Seven Days in May (1964-    B/W)-  Serling's  Strangelove for politicos.

Séance on a Wet Afternoon (1964-  b/w)-   Unlikeably grim. Ok.ru

2 On A Guillotine (1965- B/W) - William Conrad-directed overstretched  psychothriller. Ok.ru


The Sweet Sound of Death (1965-  B/W) -    Sidney Pink-produced sub-Nouvelle Vague  "suggestion".

The Hyperboloid of Engineer Garin (1965-   B/W) Mainly slow but somewhat  interesting    Soviet  steampunk   Mabuse.

El fantástico mundo del doctor Coppelius (1966)  - ChittyChitty Bang Bang-ish  ballet with   Walter Slezak.

Kiss the Girls and  Make Them Die (1966)- DeLaurentiis proto Moonraker  with  Mike  "BeforeMannix" Connors   as a lumbering US Bond  aided by  Dorothy Provine and Terry-Thomas as basically Lady Penelope and Parker. They even have  a  gadget-packed Rolls Royce. Raf Vallone  plays  the Nehru-jacketed Amazon-dwelling rocket baron. Basically relies on stock  footage and jungle  nonsense. And I bloody  love  Moonraker. That   is  joyous,  and this isn't.

Gappa   (1967)- Silly kaiju  reused in  Red  Dwarf.

Privilege (1967)-    Seems deliberately styled to provoke an  uprising.

The    Million  Eyes of  Sumuru  (1967)-  Shonky  Eurospy gubbins from  Towers and  Shonteff.

Good Times (1967)    -  Sub-Monkees Friedkin-directed  Sonny  and  Cher vehicle."Bullocks" jokes  ahoy. Was Sonny Bono America's  Roy Castle?

Hillbillys in a Haunted House (1967)    -   Haunted house/spy thriller/Hee Haw episode  with Merle Haggard, Kenny  Everett  fave  Ferlin Husky  and  others vs Carradine,Chaney  and Rathbone.

The  Gruesome Twosome (1967)-    Possibly  HG  Lewis' roughest.
A Taste of Blood (1967)- Lewis' attempt at mainstream,  set ina Miami-ish London.

Blood Of The Virgins (1967) - Faux-ItalianSouth   American vampire grot.

House  of Evil (1968) -Karloff plays the organ,in a kerfuffly Mexican thing supposedly  about killer toys.

A Quiet Place in the Country (1968)   - Redgrave-Nero vanity   artiness.

Balsamus, l'uomo di Satana  (1968) - From  Pupi    Avati,  about the lovechild of Herve Villechaize, Les  Dawson  and Noele  Gordon.

Psychout for Murder (1969)-  Confused  Rossano  Brazzi  giallo. Typically montagey/messy.


Thomas... gli Indemoniati (1969) - Orange-tinted Avati agitprop.

The Honeymoon Killers (1970 - B/W) - Not quite my jar,  fine performances, but it has a video   look.

Mark of the Witch (1970)-   Begins in  17th century Lanca-shire  which  is seemingly just sky, but otherwise   a dull  student jump.

Kemek (1970)-Dispiriting Quebecois giallo  with   David  Hedison.Somehow  uses Nowhere to Run by Martha  and the Vandellas.

Ice (1970) -  Dystopian AFI artiness.

Necropolis (1970) - Talky, arty nonsense with   Tina Aumont.

Human  Cobras (1971)-  Nonsensical safari giallo. Obligatory appearance from Luciano Pigozzi.

Blood Thirst (1971- B/W) - Long-delayed Filipino vampire  dreck.

I Eat Your Skin (1971-  B/W)- Unusually paced and interesting voodoo science from Del Tenney.

Black  Belly  of  the Tarantula (1971)-  Average above-average  giallo.

Death by Invitation (1971)-  Another semi-period borathon from Kirt  Films.

The Touch of Satan (1971)- Very  70s, but luckless Satanist quickie shot by Jordan  Cronenweth.

If Footmen Tire You, What Will Horses Do? (1971)- So Christian that the Soviets look and  act like  Sally Army.

Murder Mansion (1972)-       Spanish psycho gubbins released by Avco Embassy.

Al Tropico Del Cancro (1972)-  Junky  travelogue voodoo-giallo with Anthony Steffen

French Sex Murders (1972) -            Jazzmag giallo.

ToKill A Clown (1972)- Nothingy psychodrama.  An  unlikeably grim Alan  Alda  resembles Dave Thomas in  an SCTV sketch.

Stanley (1972)- Dreadful sub-Gilbert O'Sullivan-scored Willard-with-snakes  and  burlesque.
Director William  Grefe also gave us  the  forgettable/forgotten  sub-Deliverance Whiskey Mountain (1977)   and the abysmal Impulse (1974) -   William  Shatner as a whining,  serial-killing gigolo eejit.

A   Thief  In The  Night (1972) - Scored by  Cliff Richard  influence  Larry Norman,  supposedly worldwide peril reduced    to scary ambulances, made in an  Iowa  funfair.

Man of La  Mancha (1972)- Peter O'Toole looks like  he is  made  of papier mache.Sophia can't sing.  Blessed is  sexy.

Piranha Piranha (1972)- Boring   Amazon adventure with William Smith.

Stigma (1972) - Attractive but dreary Cambridge, Mass-shot thriller with  Philip Michael Thomas.

Daigoro vs Goliath  (1972)- Silly kiddy Toho kaiju  that manages to  be daft not stupid.

Death Walks At Midnight (1972)-  Typical giallo.

Dr. Jekyll and the Werewolf (1972) - Typically goofy   Paul  Naschy.
See  also  the dreadful Vengeance of the Zombies (1973)

Spirit of the Beehive (1973)- Undeniably  beautiful piece of work.

You'll Like My Mother (1973)   -  Snowy, bland, messy Patty Duke-miscast Richard Thomas vehicle. Ok.ru.

Maxie (1973)  - Boring/arty Scots-themed butchery with  Talia Shire.

Warlock  Moon (1973)- Zzzzz. Satanic college student codswallop.

The House That Cried Murder (1973)- Clemensy Bridal  nonsense with Arthur Roberts, spokesman for Skoal Bandits -  the  tobacco scampi fry.

The Severed Arm (1973) - Mining  in   darkness.

Night Watch (1973)-  Clemensesque   boredom, Liz Taylor, Lar Harvey, and Tony Britton.

The Spectre of Edgar Allan Poe (1974)- Was this shot   on  video?

La noche de los asesinos (1974) -    Jess  Franco's Cat  and Canary. Says it  all.

Down and Dirty  Duck (1974)-Because it's Murakami,  the animation's not bad.

 L'Esorciccio (1975) -Asinine  Italian comedy.

Foreplay (1975) -   John G Avildsen-codirected compendium of smut,  with Zero   Mostel, Thayer  David, Jerry Orbach, Estelle  Parsons and Prof. Irwin  Corey, and a dirndl-clad sex-bot/doll.

Sunburst (1975)-  Dreary woodlands hippie slashie, padded out  by    a lecture from Rudy Vallee.

Get Mean (1975)- A spaghetti western that wants  to be directed by Ken Russell.

Poor Pretty Eddie (1975) - Grotty  Leslie  Uggams rape-revenger.

Blood Voyage (1976) - Dreary boat-killer.  Has lots of   parking  cars to   pad it  out.

Dark August (1976) - Dreary  Vermont  psychothriller.

Albino  (1976)-   Christopher Lee, James  Faulkner, Sybil Danning and  a  drunk Trevor Howard wander about Africa,  chasing Horst Frank   as an African tribesman. Odd.

Naked Massacre (1976)- Troubles-set slasher, partly filmed in Belfast, but mostly in Dublin.  Sleazy, depressing, but with  ads for   Bass and fake BBC  bulletins.

Massacre   at  Central High  (1976)-  A    teen comedy   without the comedy, but with  suspicious deaths, i.e.hang-gliding into     a pylon. Ridiculous themetune. But oddly powerful.

Ransom (1977) - Roger McGuinn-soundtracked westernish  Corman  oddity with  Oliver Reed.  WHAT  IS ZIS? No wonder Corman couldn't sell it.

Gran Bollito (1977)  -  A   mainly ordinary  true crime drama  with Shelley Winters,except  her female victims  are all  played  by  men.  Max  von   Sydow   is in a double role, one as  a  blonde   Italian spinster, and  it's  disconcerting. A DISCOVERY.

Martin  (1977)-  Romero's  a hack, this is rough but aside from Creepshow, it might  be his best, if only  for Pittsburgh being a character.

Welcome to Blood City (1977) - Dull  Anglo-Canadian  VR  Westworld   with Jack Palance.

Equus (1977) - Fine  Burton  hamming,  but reprehensible and slightly Blue Remembered  Hills.  Plus it is clearly  shot in Toronto. You can even hear the  odd Canuck twang.

Holocaust   2000  (1977)-   Never  quite gets   where it  needs to be.

The Alpha Incident (1978) - Zzzz.

Joyride (1977)- Actually a sickly faux-Canadian AIP  teen  dramedy.

Till Death (1978)- Boring if oddly atmospheric.

Death Drug (1978)  -   Philip   Michael Thomas in  a  feature-long PSA/PIF.


War of the Wizards (1978)- Tacky Asian fantasy with a topknotted Richard Kiel.

The Dark Ride (1978) Harv off Cagney and  Lacey is a serial killer  in   a visceral  butTVM-like dirge.

ORG (1979) -  1968-shot  devolution in meaningless  psychedelia somehow connecting young  Terence    Hill and kiss-me-quick hats.


Sensitivita (1979)- Awful Last House clone from  Castellari.

Natural Enemies (1979)-  Hal  Holbrook plays a "good man"  who kills  his family. TVM-like,  but   you believe Hal.

City On Fire  (1979) - Bland  all-star disaster. Leslie Nielsen  in serious mode.

Human Experiments (1979)-  Prisoner Cell Block H -  as a video nasty.

GALAXY EXPRESS 999 (1979)-         Beautiful   piece of  work, despite not being an anime fan. This at least has nicely paced   animation.  The sequel, Adieu Galaxy Express 999 (1981) is probably  deliberately  depressing.  DISCOVERY.

Vengeance is Mine (1979)- Nasty, overlong Nikkatsu  serial  killer  yarn.

Io zombo tu zombi lei Zomba (1979) -Godawful sex-zom-com  with Duilio del Prete,the Frederick   Stafford to Bogdanovich's Hitchcock, and  an Italian Bob  Carolgees.


Hot Stuff (1979)- DomDeluise and Jerry Reed  in  a Miami-shot sub-Spencer  and Hill comedy.

Double Negative (1980) - Deathly  dull  Canuck  erotic thriller that has serious cameos by the SCTV  team,  wasting John    Candy,Eugene  Levy,  Joe Flaherty, Dave Thomas and  "Katherine O'Hara" (sic).

The Private  Eyes (1980)  - Decent for  what  it is.  Don Knotts and  Tim Conway are fun,  but "England" IS North Carolina. Heavily ok.rued.

Enter The Game Of Death  (1980)-   Anachronistic Bond   soundtrack-bootlegging WW2  Bruceploitation  nonsense, with  a  geeky David Hartman-alike in braces  as the    baddie.

Resurrection (1980)-   Ellen Burstyn tear-puller.

Roar (1981)- Astonishing though impossible to  follow.  Basically the only  mondo  film to  be promoted on  Blue Peter.

Venom (1981)-   Celebrity nutters vs snakes! Actually quite beige.

The Eyes of Amaryllis (1982)- Bergmanesque kiddie spookiness  aimed  at the Disney/Wonderworks set.

Still  of  the Night (1982)  - Bland faux-De Palma.

Eating Raoul (1982) - Oddly   pedestrian Paul  Bartel  effort. Gawd Robert Beltran's a  shocking  actor. Probably rejected from the Ricardo Montalban School of Fine Acting.

Tempest (1982) -  Cassavetes  and  a  pervily  leered   over  Molly Ringwald  in  a  modern Greek-set  Shakespeare.

The Keep (1983)- Overstylised nonsense.

I Was A Teenage TV Terrorist! (1985) - Amateur  Troma muck.

When Nature Calls (1985) - Troma  parodic nonsense,  oh  so  unwatchable. David   Straithairn as  an Indian.

SPACE RAGE (1985) -  Beige post-apocalyptica.

Baby Secret of the Lost Legend (1986)- Some of the worst dinosaurs ever.

The Cosmic Eye (1986) -Nice style,  but the  animation styles don't mesh.

Love  at  Stake  (1987) -  Dire Puritan teen comedy.

Veld (1987)-   Grim Soviet Bradbury adap.

High  Crusade (1993) - Deadful  German Python  knockoff.

Killer Condom   (1996)- German-language New  York set grossout  grunge   based on the Teutonic equivalent of  Viz.

Man of the Century  (1999-   B/W) - Quirky  but self-liking  story of a 90s guy who wants to be in  the 20s.




Tuesday, 25 June 2019

166


The Adventures Of Prince Achmed (1926) - Art not a film.

The Viking (1931- B/W) -Canadian semi-sound docudrama on  a steamship by George Melford.

Damaged Lives (1933 - B/W)  - EdgarUlmer VD propaganda from Canada.

Secrets of Chinatown (1935)-  Another Can-quota quickie, full of ridiculous characters in boot polish.

Cabin in the Sky (1943-  B/W)  - African-American revue with a  celestial theme.

It Happened Tomorrow (1944- B/W)- Forgettable DickPowell period precursor  to fogetttable 90s God-show EarlyEdition.

Between Two Worlds (1944 - B/W)- John Garfield, Paul Henreid, Eleanor Parker, Sydney Greenstreet, Edmund Gwenn  and George Coulouris in  a slushy shipboard  melodrama  that ultimately  is  about foregoing the  Afterlife  for  the  Blitz. Ok.ru

A Thousand And One Nights (1945)- Starring Phil Silvers as Ali Bongo!

WonderMan (1945)-Sentimental  tosh, but Danny Kaye is so  pleasingly odd at times. Ok.ru

"WAKE UP AND DREAM" (1946) - Forgettable Fox colour musical. Ok.ru.

Dick Tracy vs. Cueball (1946-B/W) Dick Tracy's Dilemma (1947- B/W)/Dick Tracy Meets Gruesome (1947 - B/W)- Interchangeable  things with bull-headed,unexciting gangsters.

WhisperingCity(1947 -  B/W) -  Tiresome Quebec noir with  Paul Lukas.

Bush Pilot (1947)-  Starring  Jack LaRue and future  Rentayank Austin Willis, notable  only  actual Canadian  bushland locations.


All the King's Men (1949 - B/W) - Yokel politics.

The Magic Box  (1951) - All star Festival of Britain exhibit.

Treasure Island (1950)-  Generic  but coloured.Non-Disney sequel Long John Silver (1954) is slihly more interesting,  being  an early  Aussie movie.

Prehistoric Women (1950) - Oddly-coloured Eagle-Lion chastesexploitation gash.

THIEF OF DAMASCUS, (1952) - Why Normans in Syria? Why is Chaney Jr Sinbad?

Flight To Tangier (1953)- Jack Palance   and Joan Fontaine in Dragnet with gendarmes.


THIS ISLAND EARTH (1954)   - Colourful but narratively plain, though  both  Metalunans are  nicely uncanny.

Princess Of The Nile (1954) - Arabs vs Egyptians nonsense.Sub-Montezian antics.

Ulysses  (1954) -  Despite Kirk Douglas and Anthony Quinn,  just an average peplum.

Jungle Moon Men (1955  - B/W)- Jungle Johnny Weissmuller enacts She badly.

I've Lived Before (1956- B/W) - Reincarnated war gubbins with Jock Mahoney.

The  Invisible Boy(1957 - B/W) - Sub-CFF  larks notableonly for Robbie the Robot.

Wolf  Dog (1958 - b/w) - More   early Canadian cinema. Dull widescreen modern  oater/sub-Lassie  with Jim Davis.

Portrait in Black (1960)  - Samey Lana Turner  thriller, an excuse for  dress  changes not plot.

Scent of  Mystery (1960)-  Apart  from action  hero Denholm Elliot vs Leo McKern, a pedestrian thriller  made for Cinerama/Odorama. Ok.ru.

Man on   a   String (1960-  B/W)-   Boring Borgnine  spy melodrama. Extensively ok.rued.

Blast of Silence (1961- B/W)  - Boring,semi-amateur noir.

The Big Gamble  (1961)   -  Stephen  Boyd, Juliette Greco and David Wayne  star  in what ends up as a   taxing   Oirish semi-comedic Wages  of   Fear, but begins  with  nice bits  of  60s  Dublin. Ok.rued extensively.

Romanoff And Juliet (1961) - Soppy  mittel-european romantifarce by  Ustinov  doing silly  accents, dubbing the entire UN.

Secret Ways (1961 - B/W)- I didn't think an Alistair MacLean-Euan Lloyd  teamup'd  be  this miserable.

 Pocketful of Miracles (1961)-Sentimental Capra, run out of steam.

 The Notorious Landlady (1962 - B/W)  -   Sub-Wilder cavalcade of dodgy Englishness.

Gone Are the Days! aka Purlie Victorious (1963)- Ossie Davis' black hicksploitation  "comedy".

Dear Brigitte (1965)- Sub-Disney mawk. Billy Mumy is  obsessed with Bardot, so da Jimmy Stewart brings him to France and Brigitte gives him a dog. OK.RU


Lord Love a Duck (1966 - B/W)  - Baffling middle-aged teen  comedy,  either a teen  comedy or a parody of them.
Treasure of SanGennaro (1966) - Forgettable Italian  heist comedy.

The Chase  (1966)   -Turgid all-star convict flop.

Rage (1966)- An interesting but rough-hewn TV-level modern Mexican rabies-western starring Glenn Ford.

Blindfold (1966)- Silly, stagey  NYC/Everglades Uni  thriller with  Rock Hudson,  Claudia Cardinale and Jack  Warden. It is almost  approaching  Batman-level camp. Extensively ok.rued.

A  Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum (1966) - A mess. Mostel (basically doing Bialystock),   Silvers, Gilford  and Keaton's styles clash with the Brits.

Not with My Wife, You Don't (1966)-  Godawful Curtis-Scott How To  Murder Your Wife-alike set in  afake UK   with fake BBC. Partly animated.OK.RU

Dead Heat on a Merry-Go-Round (1966) Ok.rued another   tedious heist. Maybe I am  a  completist.

The Busy Body (1967) -  Terrible attempt  by WilliamCastle at  mainstream  comedy.OK.RU.

The  Venetian Affair  (1967) -  Interesting   though  kind of turgid attempt   to  do  a  less-silly US spy  film,  Robert  Vaughn as a  Harry  Palmer-type.  With Boris   Karloff,Elke Sommer, Karl  Boehm,   Lucianna Paluzzi and Ed Asner. Ok.ru.

Enter Laughing (1967)- Another 60s  comedy about an annoying young man. Reiner is overrated.

Oh Dad, Poor Dad, Mamma's Hung You in the Closet and I'm Feelin' So Sad (1968) - Great title, but horrible film.

The  Impossible  Years (1968) - David  Niven hippie  youth idiocy.

Uptight (1968)-  Black Adap of the Informer,  better than Ford.

Madwoman of Chaillot (1969)- A discovery.  Long presumed  this as  a bawdy  period farce, but no, it is a hi-tech satire,  a distaff   Magic Christian.

Don't Drink the Water (1969) - Awful Woody  Allen-written stage  farce adapted with Jackie Gleason. European setting is restricted  to a  few days in Montreal and studios in Florida. Has some uneasy Woody Allen perviness with  the teenage daughter. The fictional country is "Vulgaria" (is this a sequel to Chitty Chitty  Bang Bang), but since Baron Bomburst was deposed, there has been a widespread shift to Islam. OK.RU

The Comic (1969) - Cloying, sentimental, grating Carl Reiner-Dick van Dyke silent  tribute. Van Dyke appears in unconvincing old age makeup.


Me, Natalie (1969) - Like Jeremy (1973), a  NooYawk coming  to age with an   annoying lead.


Army of Shadows (1969) - I don't get  Melville. Slow and deliberate.
Also ok.rued Le Samourai (1967)  and Le  Cercle Rouge (1970).

Start the Revolution Without Me (1970) - "Wilding" and  "Sunderland" (in Grandadese) enact something that  isn't a spoof, just a typical light swashbuckler. OK.RU

Rebel  (1970)-  Salvaging of  an early   Stallone film  a la Medium Cool = bellydancing.
See  also The Swap (1979), an  unfinished  pre-Golan Cannon  film with Robert DeNiro pilfered,  mere  seconds  of Bobby  to  support  an uninteresting, cack-handed new  story  with Sybil   Danning and Jennifer  Warren as the same character.

The  Ear(1970)  - Unfeeling,   cold  Barrandov espionage.

Joe   (1970) - Peter  Boyle moans  about hippies.
Minnie and Moskowitz (1971)-   Not quite my thing, but hey,  Timothy Carey!

Walkabout  (1971)- Nice  scenery.

Devil Came from Akasava (1971)- NONSENSICAL Edgar Wallace-derived Jess Franco jungle thriller with Horst  Tappert. See   also  X312 Flight to Hell (1971).

The  Doberman Gang (1971)-  Slapdash  dog heist.

Every Little Crook and  Nanny (1972) - Godawful play adaptation, half-subNeil Simon, half-sub Disney.Lynn Redgrave looks after saggy-faced mafioso Victor Mature's son. John Astin and Dom Deluise are goons. Ok.ru

The New Centurions (1972) - Cops  and  marching band music.  Yep, it's  Joseph   Wambaugh. Not my  thing.Plus it's  a bit  televisually  flat.

Hickey and Boggs (1972) - Sour, confused, humourless private eye vehicle for Cosby and Culp.

The Offence  (1972)-  Paunchy, unglamourous, depressing Connery crime. Sidney Lumet manages to   evoke a realistically   grim English working class milieu.

Bone (1972) -  Silly, wannabe-political  Larry Cohen thing with Yaphet Kotto as  a black   militant.

Slaughter (1972) - Forgettable Jim Brown  actioner.

Electra Glide In Blue (1973) -  Dreary desert biking  artiness. Ok.ru

Harry in Your Pocket (1973)- Dreary James Coburn con comdram.

Book of Numbers (1973)- Grimy black  rural crime  thing with  Raymond St.Jacques, Freda "Band of Gold"  Payne and Tubbs.

Emperor of the North (1973)- I liked  this better than  last. Rewatch.

Shamus (1973) - Same  as every other Burt Reynolds PI thriller.

Cops and Robbers (1973) -  Dull New York UA supposed comedy. Ok.rued.

Stacey (1973)-  Dull Sidaris excuse for  "T&A", with  an aul wan   in a wheelchair  with loudspeaker, a lady racing  driver


Love and Pain and the Whole Damn Thing (1973) -  Another tedious road movie. MoreTravels with my Aunt.  Ok.ru

The Outfit (1973)  -Varied settings, astonishing cast, but  not  quite my thing.  Ok.ru.

Charley Varrick   (1973) -   A rewatch. Being   Universal, it feels   TV-ish.

Badge373  (1973)- Robert Duvall in a lacklustre but bare-faced French  Connection ripoff, even with Popeye  Doyle's real-life avatar Eddie Egan as an actor/advisor.

The Thief Who Came to Dinner (1973)  -  Ryan  O'Neal's big smug face.

The Don is Dead (1973) - If it'dhad    been a  DeLaurentiis,   it'd   work,  but  with the   televisual  Universal house style, it feels inauthentic.

That  Man  Bolt (1973)- Fred Williamson as a black  Bond. Despite  location shooting in Hong Kong, it is still clearly  a product of 70s Universal.

Blade (1973)- Grim, forgettable NYC thriller with a surprisingly solid cast  headed by  John Marley,  but   including  pre-fame  Rue McClanahan and Morgan Freeman.

Northeast of Seoul (1974)-  Confused  travelogue despite  quality  ham from Victor Buono.

BINGO (1974) -  Oddly-toned  satirical college  thriller  with a sub-Kroftt  Bros theme and  the inevitable Alexandra  Stewart.

Massacre  Mafia Style (1974)- Primitive  Godfather  knockoff engineered by   ex-Dean Martin tribute Duke Mitchell, shot on Queen Mary.  Ends with a massacre  involving guns in  bread rolls. Ok.rued.

Pets (1974)   - Softcore  nonsense with Ed Bishop in a  rare-US role.

Lancelot du Lac (1974)- Bresson does a Tales from Europe-take on  Arthur   with amateurs.

Bring  Me The Head of Alfredo Garcia (1974) -   It feels shockingly  cheap.

Stoner  (1974)  -   Nonsensical  cult-related George Lazenby/flatcapped Angela Mao vehicle.

Gator Bait (1974) - Dingy swamping.

Bonnie's Kids (1974)- Usual  70s   smut-glazed she-action  grot.

Amazing Grace (1974) - Baffling vehicle for octogenarian chitlin' circuit stalwart Moms Mabley. Like  an African-American  Not On Your Nellie.

Dersu Uzala (1975) - Might be  Kurosawa's best.  Deftly  captures Russia's wilderness.

Darktown Strutters (1975) -Tacky blaxploiaion disco biker nonsense.

Lions for Breakfast (1975) - Affable but bland-in-that-New Avengers-in-Canada   way.

The Black Bird (1975)- Inept, TV movie-ish comedy sequel to the Maltese Falcon. Ok.ru.


The Drowning Pool (1975) -  Forgettable Paul Newman sequel  to   the  forgettable Harper.  Ok.ru.
Peeper (1975)- A most forgettable Michael Caine  vehicle.

The  Zebra Killer (1975)- William Girdler  mess.  Blacked-up killer looks like Only Fools and Horses' Tony Angelino.

Deadly Hero (1975) - Confused cop message movie. James Earl Jones  plays Rabbit Shazam.  Danny DeVito and some Mrs. Slocombe-wigged nudie dancers  appear.

Dog Day Afternoon (1975)- A poor man's  Pelham 123.

Jackson County Jail (1976) - Typical  Southern  fluff despite an embryonic Tommy  Lee Jones.

Death Machines (1976)- Amateurish, bored martial   arts.

HAWMPS (1976) -Apple Dumpling Gang with camels.

Moving  Violation  (1976) - Dreary Southern Corman chase-thriller.
See  also  the better-produced post-Corman White Line Fever (1975). Ok.ru.

Lipstick (1976)- Unlikeable DDL sleaze.Ok.rued, to spare me from the horrifics.

Hollywood Man (1976)- William Smith vanity  job about   making a biker film. The telling thing is despite the title, it was  made in Florida.

Hollywood Boulevard  (1976)  - Not   even  Dante   and   Arkush's  enthusiasm makes up for  this   chintzy stockfootage sexcom. Ok.ru.

The Blue Bird (1976) - All star Tales from Europe intended to bring the East and West together. Jinxed because Russia, c.1975 had the same production value as (1940),so it looks the same as the earlier schmaltzy sub-Wizard of Oz Shirley Temple version.    Though having actual  Oz sorta-director George Cukor  doesn't  help. My head can't quite get that Cicely Tyson and George Cole are the same age.

The Late  Show (1977)- Dull, oddly humourless    Art Carney private eye vehicle. Ok.ru. Heavily.

OneMan (1977) -DystopianNFB feature, Len Cariou using  his  own Canuck twang he  passed  of   as Irish in Mude,  She Wrote

Billy Jack Goes to Washington (1977)- To non-Americans,  Billy Jack  and its sequels baffle.

Too Hot to Handle (1977)- Bondage-themed  action  dreariness  withYootha Joyce-alike Cheri Caffaro.

Rolling Thunder (1977)  -  Dreary,depressing AIP/Schrader  vengeance thing. I think I saw this on ok.ru.

Crossed Swords (1977) - A load of stars hamming  it up, badly framed around Mark Twain.

Circle  of Iron (1978) - David  Carradine tries to do  what Bruce Lee failed -  as Michael Bolton-alike Jefff "Kaliman"  Cooper  plays a fortysomething youth searching for zen.  The best thing is Eli Wallach's magic  genitals.

The Great Bank Hoax (1978)- This had to have been intended for telly. What major studio production  in 1978 starring  Richard Basehart  would go to  cinemas? Ok.ru.

Mean  Dog Blues (1978) -   Mel  Stuart-helmed hicksploiter. Gregg Henry  is an alleged country  singer chased by   a dyed-black-haired George Kennedy who sobs over  dead dogs.

The Great Brain (1978)- Mormon Sting/Tom Sawyer-alike produced by the Osmonds. Has everyone's favourite toothy faux-Scouse Branson mogul, James A.   Osmond as the titular little bastard.

The One Man Jury  (1978) -  Schizophrenic Jack Palance action  obscurity.

Just You and Me, Kid (1979)- Dubious George  Burns dramedy with  underage near-nudity  from Brooke Shields.

The Prize Fighter (1979) -  Older Don Knotts is appealingly weary.  But  this is Corman's sub-Disney The Sting.   Ok.ru


The Hitter (1979)- Rough-hewn black streetfighting   yawn with Ron O'Neal.

Lost and Found (1979) - Nothingy Segal-Jackson comedy shot  in Canada, hence John Candy as a Frenchman.

Steel (1979) - Lee Majors vehicle  about builders- astonishingly  not   a Canadian tax dodge.

Gloria (1980)-  Cassavetes refuses to make an   action movie.

Fatso (1980)  -   Dom Deluise diets and fails.

Final    Assignment (1980)- Bland   Canadian Cold War  thriller with Genevieve   Bujold,Michael  York and Burgess Meredith.

The First Deadly Sin  (1980)- Soppy,sub-Movie of  the Week Frank Sinatra  cop-thriller.

Raise The Titanic (1980) -  Lovely score, but it has no villain. It needs a villain, because the plot is literally pulling a ship  out of water.

Union City (1980) -  Odd, unlikeable noir, weirdly attractive style not unlike John Paizs'  Crime Wave.

Cuba Crossing (1980) - Boney  M-soundtracked  all-star B movie feebleness  with no feel for Cuba.

Night of the Juggler (1980)- James  Brolin vs  some  Poundland The  Warriors.

The  Black Marble (1980) - Odd mystery-tinged Wambaugh rom-com.  Ok.ru

Below The Belt (1980) - Mediocre  ladies' wrestling film.

THE BALTIMORE BULLET (1980) -  Dreadful  good ole  boy  poolcom.

The Salamander (-1981)- Rai-Uno-like ITC Eurocrime.   At least,we hear Franco Nero's actual singing voice, more like an Italian Rolf  Harris  than Robert Goulet.Ends with  Nero having a kickabout    with Roman street kids. Rewatch.

Tower of Death (1981) -  Cheap. unsatisfying Bruceploiter.

Chan is Missing (1981  -  B/W)   - Not a mystery, almost a documentary.

ZootSuit (1981) -  Being Universal, it's  essentially a TVM.

The Devil And Max Devlin (1981)   -  Awful Disney   comedy,  despite or maybe  because of the perfect casting of Cosby as  a demon.


S.O.B. (1981) - Self-indulgent self-parody  failure by Blake  Edwards, satirising  his own wife's Julie Andrews' experiences on his own  Darling Lili.  Ok.ru

Fake Out (1982) - Turgid Pia Zadora/Telly  Savalas  Vegas car chase vehicle.
Butterfly (1982) - Turgid  Pia Zadora melodrama. Orson  Welles  chews his own fat.Stacy  Keach  looks confused.

The  Challenge (1982)- A messy lump of American  karate  froth, despite the presence of Toshiro Mifune.

Hammett (1982) - A  mess,suffers  from that Zoetrope artifice. Still, Roy Kinnear!

Nate and Hayes (1983) -  John Hughes' script is too slavish to the Raiders mould without adding anything new.

Bullshot  (1983) -  Finally found a  copy of this Ripping  Yards-ish  Drummond  parody  from  Handmade. The stage show cast who are retained mug too much, lead  Alan Shearman  (now  a leading  voice  actor) is very   Stanley  Baxter.  But    it  gives the  legend  that is Ron Pember a   major role. And it looks nice.

Under The Volcano (1984) - John Huston gets Finney drunk, and we have to watch. Ok.ru

Rustlers' Rhapsody (1985)  -  A confused Spanish-shot singing cowboy parody with Tom Berenger singing anachronistic countrypolitan-type songs, and the likes of Jim Carter and Christopher Malcolm pop up. Ok.ru

The Trouble With Spies (1987)  - Donald Sutherland  plays a Canadian-accented British spy in a sub-Carry  On  Abroad  HBO  original with an odd Transatlantic cast, which despite  being completely forgettable, got a theatrical release via DeLaurentiis.      Suzanne Danielle does   her "continental sexy woman"  schtick.


The Assignment (1997) -Despite Irishman Aidan Quinn absurdly cast as Hispanic, this  Canadian action-thriller set in the 70s manages to capture the feeling of something like Winner's Scorpio or a better  version of Rosebud. A DISCOVERY. Montreal ably doubles for London.Ben Kingsley looks like Bob Mortimer.

Brother 2 (2000) - Alexei Balabanov  I kind of like, but this once it goes to the US, loses its individuality.

Howl's MovingCastle (2005) -   Attractive  but goofy.

Tuesday, 18 June 2019

186 - phantasies

Headless Ghost (1959 - B/W) -  CFF-type nonsense withClive Revill. Unsurprisingly, director  Peter Graham Scott's future was  in kids' TV. Dailymotion.

The Hand (1960 - B/W) -Shonky postwar revenge quickie by   Ray Cooney, with Ronald Leigh Hunt.

Space-Men  (1960) - Basically the same scene of space-helmeted gooks over and over, though Margheriti casts a  black American, Archie Savage and  seemingly tries to make him look Caucasian.
Helmets used in the equally execrable  War  of the Planets (1966)  and War Between The Planets  (1966), spinoffs of  the idiotic but  visual Wild Wild  Planet (1966). The Snow   Devils   (1967), the weirdest  of Margheriti's 60s spaceoperas, written  by Batman creator Bill Finger   is still  mostly the same, and wastes its Yeti-in-space concept.

Obras maestras del terror (1960- B/W) - Incomprehensible. adapted from Narciso Ibanez Menta  and Serrador's pre-3-2-1 ANTHOLOGY series.

Visit To A  Small  Planet (1960)/The Nutty  Professor (1963)/Way  Way Out (1966)  -    Way  WayOut has the smallest UN  set I've seen.   Jerry Lewis   I  find silly,  when  he's doing his  schtick. He later  grew into a  decent character actor, though that was  probably Joseph Levitch.

Mistress  of  the World Part I (1960) - Finally found this, though only the first  of two films. An attractive  but confused slog through Thailand. A big proto-Eurospy pudding. Lino Ventura is wasted as  a henchman.  Ok.rued. Since watched the second and yes, it's a globetrotting ride around nowhere. Sabu is wasted. But hey, at least they cast an authentic Asian. 

Dead Eyes of London   (1961 - B/W)  - Gothy, dislikable EdgarWallace  mad science.Set in a London with American accents.

Devil's Partner (1961 -  B/W) - Devil-deal poverty row  zzzzzzz.

Ring of Terror (1961 - B/W)   - More ageing teen  prank agony.

Bloodlust! (1961 -  B/W) -  Teen Most Dangerous Game so bad you want everyone dead.

Homicidal (1961 - B/W) - It's Castle, so predictable.

Atlantis   The Lost Continent    (1961) - George Pal's would-be epic lacks the classically trained  bravado of Harryhausen's similar Greek  adventures. It's all very biblical set leftovers, a throwback  to the Universal nonsenses of years before. Ok.ru.

Valley  of the  Dragons (1961) - Mostly stock footage, padded out by Galwegian Sean McClory and Cesare Danova in LBDs fighting cavemen, supposedly based on Jules Verne's On  The Comet.

The Devil's Messenger (1961 - B/W) - Hokey,  boring failed TV  anthology hosted by Lon Chaney Jr.

Trauma (1962 -  B/W) - Boring Psycho-alike.

FIVE WEEKS IN A BALLOON (1962)- Better Verne. A solid character cast and  nice design ruined by Disney-ish goofiness from Irwin Allen.

Beauty And The Beast (1962)- Tales from Europe USA.
See  also THE MAGIC SWORD (1962) - Bert I. Gordon does the Singing, Ringing Tree meets The Kroftt Brothers.

The Wonderful World of the Brothers Grimm (1962) - A weird film made stranger by the curved Cinerama process.  Pal channels Powell and  Pressburger. Ok.ru

Hand of Death (1962- B/W)  - Desert-based Ben Grimm-alike boredom.

Tower Of London (1962  - B/W) - Corman  and Price's dinner-theater Shakespeare. The (1939)  Karloff version at least has some production value.

The  Yesterday  Machine (1963 - B/W) - Texan Nazi amateurishness with Tim Holt.

Terrified (1963 - B/W) - Sleepy ghost town protoslasher.

The Three Stooges Go Around the World in a Daze (1963 - B/W) - And never leave  Columbia, despite a sizeable chunk of the story set in the  UK. Amiable for what it is.

Monstrosity a.k.a. The Atomic Brain (1963) - Why does the intro speak of vampires? Feck   off.

X: The Man with the X-Ray Eyes (1963) - Like  Corman doing Harold Robbins.

The  Terror (1963)   - Was this meant to be a mess?

House of  the  Damned  -   (1963 - B/W) - TVish, Sub-One Step Beyond. Ok.ru

The Brass Bottle (1964) - Sub-sitcom with Bird's Eye as  a  genie, Tony Randal  and pre-Jeannie Barbara  Eden, not as the  Genie.   Ok.ru.

Hercules Against the Moon Men (1964) - Dreadful peplum.

Curse of the Living Corpse (1964 - B/W) - Very odd attempt   at faux-Corman Poe/British horror.

The Blood Drinkers (1964) -  Partly tinted amateurish-but-inventive Filipino vampire  salvage weck.

The Tomb of Ligeia (1964) - Still has  the claustrophobic artifice of  the US-based Corman Poes, Price miscast but anything that gives Derek Francis a leading part isn't THAT bad.

Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine (1964) - Sub-Disney unfunniness.

Pinocchio in Outer Space (1965)-  Surprised Disney did not sue  Belvision.

Willy McBean and his  Magic Machine (1965) - Semi-forgettable Rankin/Bass time-travel weirdness, with  a Mexican monkey.

The Wizard of Mars (1965) -  Dayglo, over-tinted proto-Pyramids of Mars nightmare, complete with the superimposed,  barking head of John Carradine.

The Beach Girls and the Monster (1965 - B/W)  - Awful beachparty aquatics directed by Jon Hall.

SpaceFlight IC1 (1965 - B/W) - Dreary British space ark cryogenics. Dailymotion

Dark Intruder (1965 -  B/W) -  Failed, theatrically  released pilot, with Leslie   Nielsen in an atmospheric  but empty yellowed-up Chinatown.

Bloody  Pit of Horror (1965) - Better-shot than an Italian gore-gothic cheapie has any right to be.

Space Probe Taurus (1965- B/W) -Zzzz.

Deadly Bees (1966)- A  rewatch. Disappointing in every way. Frank Finlay's old age makeup looks nothing  like old Frank  Finlay, either  pre-his   first death in  1987(as Halliwell's Filmgoer's Companion claims), or after.

Cyborg 2087 (1966)  - Michael Rennie-Terminator wanders  about  western sets.

The Wild World of Batwoman (1966  - B/W)  - Amateurish jiggle nonsense.

Doctor Faustus (1967) - Taylor-Burton vanity-driven student production. Wigtastic. The Burtons revisited this territory in the modern day Ustinov obnoxiousness of Hammersmith is Out (1972). Ok.ru

The Unknown Man of Shandigor  (1967   - B/W) -  "I  want to be Alphaville".  ok.ru

Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed Up Zombies  (1967)- Brutal, hypnotically so.

She-Freak (1967) - Aptly  captures the drudgery  of a carnival. Not  to be confused with the worse She-Beast (1967)



Night Fright (1967) -  The Extra-Terrestrial Nasty!   Abysmal   60s  dimly lit amateurishness.

The Spirit is Willing  (1967)     - Goofy,   unfunny William Castle com  with  Sid  Caesar, Elizabeth Poldark and a country and Irish Carter brother looking kid.

Body Fever (1969)-  At least R.D. Steckler photographs  relatively well. Mundane P.I. stuff.

Target Harry (1969) - Roger Corman-directed pseudo-Eurospy Maltese Falcon dreariness, shot in Turkey with Vic Morrow and Victor Buono heading a Transatlantic cast. Milton Reid adds muscle.


Burn (1969) - Brando-as-Richard-Harris   plays William Walker in a  beautiful   yet  unlikeable mess of a film.

The Maltese Bippy (1969) - Unfunny.dated vehicle for Rowan and Martin. Ok.ru.

Scream Baby Scream! (1969)  - Sub-HG Lewis chud, weirdly written by Larry Cohen.

Eggshells (1969) -Tobe Hooper hippie  pretension.

Macunaíma (1969)-Brazilian adult baby gibberish from New Line.

The Yin and the Yang of Mr. Go (1970) - Yellowed James Mason and director   Burgess Meredith  plus  "Jeffrey Bridges" in a new age  Orientalist fiasco.

Bigfoot (1970) - Rubbish hillbilly  hairy jamboree.

The Revenge of Dr. X  (1970)  - Amateurish Japanese flytrap.

Pufnstuf (1970) - Jack Wild in the movie of the odd Kroftt kidvid. The full-body suited  creatures lack charm. The songs are awful yet catchy. Mama Cass turns up as witch.

Octaman (1971) - Rick Baker's ludicrous  monster the only highlight.

"SIMON, KING OF THE WITCHES" (1971) - Terrible Satanist muckraker.

A Clockwork  Orange (1971)- Part-sex  comedy played for shock, part-Northern kitchen sink parody, part sub-Python nonsense.

7 fois par jour (1971) - Quebecois Arab fantasy  surrealist comedic   artiness by Denis Heroux.

The Corpse Grinders (1971)  -  Ted V Mikels' film feels  like a home  movie made by the damned.
Blood Orgy of the She-Devils (1972) - Ted V Mikels weirdness. Simultaneously awful yet entrancing. Why  is there a medieval  clergyman?

Blood Legacy (1971)  - Late-occurring poverty row will-reading garbage.

The Reincarnate (1971) - Chinzy pre-Exorcist from   Canada wih a  Mrs. Milleresque theme.

Happy Birthday, Wanda June (1971)-  Like Mary Poppins  for hippies. Was young William Hickey  America's Melvyn Hayes? Heavily watched on ok.ru.

The Night God Screamed (1971) - Depressing Mansonia.

Premonition (1972) - Hippie shit.
Curse Of The Headless Horseman (1972)- More  western  hippie  shit.

Return To Boggy Creek (1977) -  Sub-Wilderness Family cheapery. Not to be  confused with the  monstrous Boggy Creek 2 (1985).

The Possession of Virginia  (1972) - Slow Quebecois Sannistttr  erotica.

Night Of The Cobra Woman (1972) - Semi-incomprehensible Filipino schlock.

Enter the Devil (1972) - What I imagine  30s pulp modern-westerns would have looked like if they'd continued into  the 70s.



The Deathmaster (1972) - Godawful Robert Quarry Mansonian vampire vanity project.

Endless  Night (1972) - Supernatural-infused  Christie adap, unsure to what  it is, reverts to psychedelia.

Encounter With The Unknown (1973) - Serling-narrated regional Night Gallery fan film.

The Mind Snatchers (1973) -  Mind-experiment drudgery with Joss Ackland and a young, Richard Madeley-ish Chris Walken.

Dark Places (1973) - Christopher Lee, Herbert Lom, Robert Hardy and  Joan Collins walk about a dowdy  house. Extremely boring.

Hannah, Queen of the Vampires (1973) - Beige  Spanish-American horror.

Bram Stoker's Dracula (1974) - Feels rather too stately and therefore quite stiff. Needs some of that Dark Shadows giddiness. Also watched the 1977 BBC Count Dracula, Louis Jourdan silky but sinister presence, but it has its problems. It's too "BBC period drama", Frank Finlay's accent as a very Dutch Van Helsing, Whitby looks nice, but there's something about it that clashes.
  

Nuits Rouges (1974) - Franju-directed TV series reedited into a film. A load of pulp homage and some mumpsy about the Templars. Looks cheap, down to manky stock footage of the spinning Scotland Yard sign.
         
The Deathhead  Virgin  (1974)  -  Typical  Filipino barroom   brawl/aquatic   drivel.

Devil Times Five (1974) - A languid melodrama  enlivened by the OTT actions of the killer kids. Rewatch.

Mousey (1974) - Kirk Douglas stalks Jean Seberg around an America that either looks like Canada or Home Counties suburbia. Produced by Beryl Vertue for Associated London Films and Aida Young.

Phantom of the Paradise (1974)  -   An insufferable, incompetent  musical conusion. Ok.ru

The House on Skull Mountain  (1974) -The  Old Black House. Has  Victor French as the crusty hero, who is  coded mixed-race so he can be cousin to his black lover, and   civil  rights activist Xernona Clayton in an acting role.

Cleopatra Jones and the Casino of Gold (1975) - Dopey, colourful but unentertaining Shaw Brothers coproduction, despite Norman Fell playing CIA agent Stanley Roper.   Ok.ru

A*P*E (1976) -  From  the producer of Schlock, almost the same film but with a King Kong knockoff, set in a Korean fairground.

Rattlers (1976)  -  Unconvincing,  dimly lit  snakes flick.

Crash (1976) - Band car-demon   kerfuffle.  Ok.ru


The Clown Murders (1976) - Sub-Straw Dogs Canuck slasher  notable  only for John Candy   and   some polo.

A Matter  of Time (1976) - AIP/Liza and  Vincente  make an Italian mockbuster of Hollywood  musicals.

Drive-In Massacre (1976) - Possibly the least exciting  horror film ever.

Sisters of Death (1976) - Ludicrous  Clemensesque sorority gubbins.
Not to  be confused  with the also-Clemensesque-but-dull Die Sister Die (1978).

Haunted (1977) - Hokey Southwestern 'orror  with Ann  Michelle c.Come Back, Mrs. Noah as a Native American.
Not to  be confused  with the also-dull-and-with-Aldo Ray  Haunts (1976).

Satan's Cheerleaders (1977)  - Dreadful sexcom.

The Believer's Heaven (1977) - Quite possibly the oddest film I have seen.  Ron Ormond puts visuals  to a  fire and  brimstone  lecture by   one Estus W Pirkle.

Track of the Moon Beast (1976) -  Amateurish nonsense, again Bill Finger.



Night Creature (1978)  - The highlight is the  Pleasence-panther hybrid.

Alien  Zone (1978) - Dull, non-SF portmanteau.

Vampire Hookers (1978)   - Godawful but professionally done Filipino trash. John  Carradine  plays Drac.

The Plumber (1979) - Odd Peter Weir telemovie, about a psychotic, somewhat laddish plumber. Interesting performance from Ivar Kants, but a lot of middle-class suburban m,ndanity common in Aussie soaps.

J Men Forever   (1979) -  Do you need drugs to  get  the Firesign Theatre? This serial mixtape has some choice  bits, but  a lot of it has dated into nonsense.

The Psychotronic Man (1978) - Unexciting.

The Alien Factor (1978) - Amateurish, bar the stop-motion.    See also Night Beast (1982).

The Capture Of Bigfoot (1979) - So dreadful even Lloyd Kaufman regrets owning it.

Up From The Depths (1979)- Amateurish-for-70s-Corman Jaws ripoff/spoof.

Charlie and the Talking Buzzard (1979)   - Young Dean Cain   pops up  in his stepdad's story of when Tristram Fourmile befriended dubbed over stock of  a bird.

The Godsend (1980) - Cannon UK horror which down to music feels like a Hammer House  of Horror.

The Formula  (1980)  -How did this get Oscar nominated for cinematography? It looks somewhere between early Troma and German television. Gielgud plays Max Von  Sydow. Brando plays David Huddleston.

Schizoid (1980)- Forgettable,unlikeable Cannon slasher.
See also The Burning   (1981), The  Prowler (1981).

Christmas Evil (1980) - A Taxi Driver Christmas.

The Attic (1980)- A strange curio. Carrie   Snodgress' life is  constantly ruined by pa Ray Milland. It seems either want to be another Repulsion  or  an  old fashioned gothic  melodrama.A sequel to 1973's The Killing Kind.

The   Hand  (1981) -   Dreadful Michael Caine  horror starring Maurice as a haunted Barry Windsor-Smith roman á clef, working on a Conan-like comic, Mandro.

Full Moon  High (1981)-  Dreadful  yet  moments of  Larry Cohen's invention shine  through.

A Day of Judgment (1981)-  Incompetent period-set suspense-free religious horror.

Hell Night  (1981) - Needs some older character support. Otherwise undistinguished though well-done.

Night of the Zombies (1981)  - Ambitious but incompetent  no-budget horror shot  in  Germany.

The Nesting (1981)- Godawful haunted brothel(?) Hamlet ad.  Dreary middle-aged terror.

Lovespell (1981)   -Incredibly shonky  Irish adap of Tris and Isolde. Kate Mulgrew's accent wanders. Richard Burton waits  to  be paid. Messrs Toibin and Cusack appear per   something made  here  at that time.



Rana: The Legend of Shadow Lake (1981) - Sub-Sunn Classics wildlife adventure with a frogmonster.

Deadly Blessing (1981)  - Typical Craven mouthings of nonsense "with meaning". Despite an odd trans-twist and Borgnine as an Am-ish nutter.

REWATCHED CAT  PEOPLE (1982). Only  good thing is  Ruby Dee.

Alicja (1982) - Apple-ish musical with Jack   Wild, Paul Nicholas, Jean PierreCassel, Susannah York, Peter   Straker and Lulu's voice.

Big Meat Eater (1982) - Confused, ham-fisted Canadian 50s SF parody with a black butcher who  is supposedly an Iraqi alien. Ok.ru

Safari 3000 (1982) -  Semi-Death Race comedy drudgery with David Carradine,Stockard Channing and a Brucie-ish Vader-helmeted Christopher Lee.

Deadly Eyes (1982) -  Boring James Herbert adap by Golden Harvest, rat-dogs devastating Toronto.

Hysterical (1983)-  Blurry, confused  horror "comedy" by  one-time Monkhouse stooges the Hudson Brothers.

The Man   Who Wasn't There (1983) - Had to skipwatch every 30 seconds after the first ten mins. Brownface-heavy  sub-Man with Two Brains invisible spy movie with Steve  Guttenberg.

The Demons of Ludlow (1983) -  Haunted by amateur  dramatics in powdered wigs.   Again from Bill  Rebane, like Rana and The   Capture of Bigfoot. His film The Game (1984) may be the  worst photographed film I have ever  seen.

I Am the Cheese (1983) -  The Prisoner for  twerpy  high school sprinters.
See also a  disaff  equiv, the  Dennis Potteresque I Never Promised You a Rose Garden (1977)

The Enchanted (1984)  - Southern emptiness with Julius Harris.

Blind Date (1984) - Dreadful Mastorakis erotica despite an  unlikely appearance from Scots comedy staple Gerard Kelly

The Strangeness (1985) -  Dimly-lit but enthusiastically made horror.

Night Train to Terror (1985) - A  hopeless  salvage-job anthology.

Transylvania 6-5000  (1985) -  Dreadful,bland,expensive 80s horror comedy.
Hellhole (1985)-  Sleazy though colourful mad science/women in  prison film.

The Passing (1985) -  Psychedelic, ambitious amateur rejuvenation saga.

Radioactive Dreams (1985)- Idiotic newwave Mad Max noir.

Wired to Kill (1986) - Basically Children of Castor from Cruise of the Gods, but American.

Solarbabies (1986) -Mel  Brooks apocalypteen nonsense.Alexei Sayle!

Critters (1986)/Critters 2 (1988) -  Bland, serviceable video   fare that try to be quirky yet workmanlike in that  odd mid-to-late80s way.  Critters 3 (1991) is even less memorable were it not for Leonard DiCaprio (sic)  popping up.  Critters IV (1992)  wastes Angela Bassett.

Ghost Fever (1987) -  Ghastly comedy, a post-Jeffersons Sherman Hemsley infested all his money in this. 

Cherry 2000 (1987)-I like  the style, but David "Pulaski" Andrews is a plank.
Doin' Time On Planet Earth (1988) - Dull teen  comedy  by  Walter Matthau's son.

Bloodstone (1988) - Indian-American Jonesploitation, Chris Neame as baddie, plus inevitable Bob Christo.  Despite looking like a Bollywood film of 1988, Klingon Charlie Brill dons boot polish  as a local inspector. Rewatching it on bluray a year later, and it looks infinitely better. Hero Brett Stimely is like a bad waxwork of Nick Nolte, but he's dubbed by yer actual David Soul and he's really second fiddle to the always awesome Indian superstar Rajinikath, who is deservedly first billed on the main cast list, while Stimely is billed first on the posters and opening. 

Midnight Movie Massacre (1988) - Asinine comedy.

Arena (1989) - Great  creature work. But it can't help but look tacky.

Sundown - The Vampire in Retreat (1989) - Wants to be fun, but comes over as Strange Invaders with vampires.

Rockula (1989) - Thanks William Bibbiani for recommending this. It  reminded me a  bit of Adventures   of Pete and Pete, but Dean  Cameron is strident, to say the least.

Moontrap (1989)  -    A  poor man's Lifeforce  USA.

Slipstream (1989) -British attempt at a sci-fi hit.  Bob Peck a convincingly daffy android. But everything else fails to click, even redneck Robbie Coltrane.

The Dark Side Of The Moon (1990) - An interesting idea (Bermuda Triangle connects to the Moon-  basically an adaptation of   that Sunday Sport headline about the WW2 bomber on the Moon) handled without verve, energy or style.

Killer Tomatoes Eat France! (1992)-  Almost passes  by  being  deliriously  stupid.

Mindwarp   (1992) - More attractive than  usual post-apocalyptic runaround by Fangoria.

Ed And His Dead Mother (1993)  -  Steve Buscemi has a zombie Miriam Margolyes as a mum.Idiotic, neutered sub-Evil Dead comedy.

Silent Tongue (1993)  - Confused horror-western with River Phoenix, Richard Harris and Oirish carny Alan  Bates.

No Escape  (1994)  - One of the best SF films of the 90s. Casting the likes of Don Henderson, Jack Shepherd and Ian McNeice helps. Ernie Hudson, Michael Lerner and Lance Henriksen too.

Trance (1998) - It ain't perfect, being Michael Almereyda, it is quite arty, this is perhaps the  best Irish ish horror I've seen. Even  even though it's mainly shot in Yonkers, locations look right,  having Chris Walken be a huge Joe Dolan fan makes it feel more authentically Irish than most Irish films.
Twister (1989),a  strange but never endearingly so  comedy starring Lois Chiles and Harry  Dean  Stanton also has  weird Irish  threads,  plus Donal  Donnelly.


Babel  (1999)- Oddly-toned  Quebecois kiddy fantasy with Tcheky Karyo and the End of Days being outwitted by  a  kid  (played  by the one-time voice of George the moose in Arthur) and a tribe of immortal Garbage Pail Gnomes (or the children of Dungeons and Dragons' Dungeonmaster and Gwildor from Masters of the Universe - the Movie). Clearly intended to be basically Kevin and the Time Bandits, but having big gnome-heads instead of diminutive character talent robs it.

Friday, 7 June 2019

106 - 1930-1960

The Phantom (1931 -  B/W) - Dreary old dark house with   Guinn "Big Boy" Williams.

The Drums of Jeopardy (1931)-  Has Warner Oland as  mad doctor Boris Karlov  (yes,  really) in a speedy  silent-like Imperialist Russian melodrama.

Behind The Mask (1932 - B/W) -  Karloff gangsterism.

Get That Girl (1932  - B/W) -   Blurry silentish vehicle for  limber acrobat/Casino Royale director Richard Talmadge.

Murder at Dawn (1932  - B/W) -  Mischa Auer in dimly-lit crime   tedium.
Supernatural   (1933   -   B/W)  - Sangsteresque mad woman melodrama with Carole Lombard and Randolph Scott.

The Moonstone (1934 - B/W) - Dreary quota quickie-ish modern dress adap  from Monogram. Fedoras ahoy.

The Return of Chandu (1934 - B/W)/Chandu On The Magic Island  (1935 - B/W) - Lugosi miscast as hero. Even the film treats him like a baddie.

Black  Moon  (1934 - B/W)- Tedious Fay  Wray voodoo  romance.

Double Door (1934  - B/W) - Awful, talky, on  cheap chipboard stages. Paramaount adap of a Lifetime-ish Broadway play about  a spuned mad woman. Ok.ru.

The Ninth Guest (1934 - B/W)- Roy William  Neill directs a murderous drawing room argument. 

The Beast of Borneo (1934 - B/W)  - Uninteresting travelogue.

House of Mystery (1934 - B/W) - The only highlight of this Monogram dud  is a  Hindu ape.

The Crime of Doctor Crespi (1935 - B/W)  -  Von Stroheim's 1930s  Casualty.

Condemned to Live (1935 - B/W)- Dreadful, primitive vampire thing.

Shadow Of Chinatown (1936 - B/W) - Unactionable  un-Chinese Lugosi serial cutdown.

Revolt of the Zombies (1936 - B/W) -  Dean Jagger in colonial Cambodian   thuggee grot.

King Solomon's Mines (1937 - B/W) - Paul Robeson's singing highlights  a stolid adap.

Torture Ship (1939 - B/W)  - Catfighting, inept  ocean peril   with Lyle Talbot.

Son of Ingagi (1940- B/W) - A  jaunty all-African American mad  science pic,  more like a musical.

Before I Hang (1940 - B/W)   -  Disappointing Karloff  science-crime  noir wannabe cheapie.

Ladies In Retirement (1941 - B/W) -  Hollywood Briddish music hall Gothic.

The Face Behind the Mask (1941 - B/W) - Peter Lorre goes about, shifty and feeling sorry about himself.

King of the Zombies (1941 -  B/W) - Just a load of people including Mantan Moreland bulge their eyes out.

The Living Ghost (1942  -   B/W) - Mediocre Monogram thing about a pathetic zombie in a house.

The Mad Monster (1942- B/W) - Incompetent  Zucco/PRC scientific wolf man   pic.

The Corpse Vanishes (1942 - B/W) - Mostly Bela hanging about a wedding like a seedy uncle.

Man with Two Lives (1942- B/W) -  More  fedora-laden  Monogram  folderol.

The Mad Doctor of Market Street (1942 - B/W) - Atwill on autopilot.

Leopard Man (1943-  B/W)-   Feels ashamed to  be horror.


The Return Of The Vampire (1943 - B/W) - The idea of a vampire amongst the Blitz and  ARP wardens,   but Lugosi seems half hearted.

Revenge of the Zombies (1943 - B/W) - Carradine reanimating plantation nonsense.
See also Face of Marble (1946 -  B/W).

The Monster Maker (1944   - B/W) -  A  PRC melo where acromegaly makes people  look like aliens   in a 90s TV sci-fi.

The Soul of a Monster (1944 - b/w)  -  Forgettable Columbia  paranormal noir.

Crazy Knights (1944  -  B/W) - Intolerably   goofy Shemp comedy.

The  HalfwayHouse  (1944 - B/W)- Sentimental Welsh  Ealing  with the  Johns clan as ghosts.

Murder In the Blue Room (1944-   B/W) - Annoying musical-comedy. Ian Wolfe buttles.

Voodoo Man (1944 - B/W) - More interchangeable Lugosi experiments.

Ghost Catchers (1944 - B/W) -  Olsen  and Johnson stink.

Gildersleeve's Ghost (1944- B/W) -  Baffling radio  adap. Has a gorilla.

Phantom of the Opera  (1943)/The Climax (1944) - Color musicals  with limited horror dressings.

The Woman Who Came Back (1945- B/W) - True/bullshit melodrama.

Black Magic (1944 - B/W)- Boring Monogram Charlie Chan.

The Great Flamarion (1945 -  B/W) - Cookie-cutter vaudeville  noir.

 DEVIL MONSTER (1936/1946 - B/W)  - Stock footage  laden travelogue seemingly  enacted by arthritis patients.

The Phantom Speaks (1945 - B/W) Richard Arlen walks about feeling sorry for himself.

Devil Bats Daughter  (1946-   B/W) -  A big cheat.

The Brute Man (1946- B/W)/House of Horrors (1946-  B/W) - Rondo Hatton didn't have  much presence.

The Beast with Five Fingers (1946 - B/W) - Lorre miscast, too glossy for its own good,  feels like  a period piece even though it isn't.

The Strange Love of Martha Ivers (1946 - B/W) - Same as almost every noir.

The Amazing Mr. X (1948 -  B/W) - Noir longingly staring at a beach.

Feathered Serpent (1948 - B/W) - Roland Winters' Chan is like Abanazer.

Inner Sanctum (1948- B/W) - Yokel noir.

The Fall of the House of Usher (1950  -  B/W) - Amateurish primitive Britishadap with   Gwen  Watford.

Bride of the Gorilla (1951 -  B/W) - Jungle  tedium with little  ape action. Woody Strode has more presence and  dignity than his character  calls for.

Son  of   Dr.  Jekyll  (1951 - B/W)   - 15 years too late. Dreary, and forgotten/forgettable.

The Strange Door (1951 -  B/W) - Less a horror, and just a rote albeit goth swashbuckler.  See also the also-Karloffian The Black Castle (1952 - B/W) with   Richard Greene.

The Voice of Merrill (1952 - B/W) - I'm sick of noirs, even UK ersatz ones with Edward "not Le Mesurier" Underdown.

Captive Women (1952 - B/W)  - Boring 50s apocalypta. Not to be confused with Untamed  Women.

Dementia (1955 - B/W) - An incompetent nightmare.

The She-Creature (1956 -  B/W) - So dreadful PeterLorre was horrified when he was offered the role.

FRIGHT (1956 - B/W) - DrearyW. Lee Wilder reincarnation guff.

CURUCU, BEAST OF THE AMAZON  (1956 - B/W) - Unmemorable  travelogue disguised as horror.

Francis in the Haunted House (1956) -Goofy, terrible Mickey Rooney  vehicle.


Back From the Dead (1957 - B/W) - More reincarnation guff, explicitly dramatising the "Bridey (sic)  Murphy" case.

Blood of Dracula  (1957 - B/W)-  Intolerable. Eddie  Munster as a sorority girl.

The Thing That Couldn't Die (1958- B/W)  - Dreadful  western-infused ranch horror.

The Incredible Shrinking Man (1957 - B/W)  -   I'm not quite  a fan. Again, it's a Twilight Zone concept.

The Giant Claw (1957 - B/W) - Worth it  only  for the incredible beast.Ok.ru

The Werewolf (1957 - B/W)  - A hairy  man wanders around a national park being chased by other hairy men.An old woman looks  like Kenneth  Mars.


The Unknown Terror (1957 - B/W) - Terrible jungle/caving schlock.

Invasion of the Saucer Men (1957 - B/W) -  Gormless idiocy with Frank Gorshin and some aged teenagers.

The Monolith Monsters (1957 - b/w) - How are rockpiles scary?

The Smallest Show on Earth (1957)-  Twee.

She-Devil (1957 -B/W) -  Laborious sub-noir premake of the  Wasp Woman.

Beginning of the End (1957 - B/W) - Bert I. Gordon's incompetent  grasshopper boredom with Peter  Graves. Mant!

Zombies of Mora Tau (1957 - B/W)-  More jungle gruel.

Voodoo Island (1957 - B/W)- So  incompetent that the model used  for the establishing shot of the resort  is infinitely  worse  than the model used as a model of the resort by Karloff and co for investors. Elisha Cook pulls  his face.

Attack  of the 50 Foot Woman  (1958- B/W)  Again, rural sci-fi-tinged jiggle schlock. Ok.ru
Not to be confused  with the deliberately idiotic Lou Costello vehicle The  30 Foot Bride of Candy Rock (1959 -B/W).

Night of the Blood Beast (1958 -  B/W)- Proto-Alien drear.

Teenagers Battle The Thing (1958) - Literally amateur Indian mummy.

My World Dies Screaming (1958 -  B/W) - Shonky American psychothriller  dressed up in gimmicks.

The Snorkel (1958 - B/W)  - Annoying Hammer Nancy Drew-alike with Mandy "Nellie the  Elephant" Miller as the bitchy heroine.

Monster on  the Campus (1958 - B/W) - Typical Universal50s schlock, down to jokes about attractive men studying palaeontology. More hairy men.

The Flame Barrier (1958 - B/W) - More shonky    jungle schlock.

The Space Children (1958 - B/W) - Children's Film Foundation-type larks done seriously,  with added peril.

Macabre (1958  - B/W) -  Unidstinguished William  Castle trash.

Terror from  the Year 5000  (1958 - B/W)  -  AIP  crud. Is Salome Jens' Hollywood's leading alien-actress?

Frankenstein's Daughter (1958- B/W)/She-Demons (1959- B/W) -  Crud  from Cunha.

Flesh and the Fiends (1958 - B/W)-  Staid, sub-Gainsborough gothic with Cushing as Dr.  Knox.

Corridors of Blood (1958-B/W) - Lee  and Karloff do  more old-fashioned  grave-robbing.

The Haunted Strangler (1958)- Karloff in a dodgy Lodger.

The Brain Eaters  (1958-  B/W)  -     More AIP nonsense, with Leonard "Nemoy".

Ghost Of Dragstrip Hollow (1959 - B/W) - Like a bad  SCTV parody of 50s JD movies.

The Cosmic  Man (1959 - B/W) -  A big goofy Glitterball.

Teenage Zombies (1959 -  B/W) -  Prematurely aged action-less,no-budget cop.

The Hideous Sun Demon (1959 - B/W) - 'Tis hideous.

Night of the Ghouls (1959 - B/W) - Ed Wood was a cabaret man not a filmmaker.

Battle Beyond The Sun (1959) -Typical Soviet po-faced space larks, edited for Corman by Coppola.