Tuesday 25 June 2019

166


The Adventures Of Prince Achmed (1926) - Art not a film.

The Viking (1931- B/W) -Canadian semi-sound docudrama on  a steamship by George Melford.

Damaged Lives (1933 - B/W)  - EdgarUlmer VD propaganda from Canada.

Secrets of Chinatown (1935)-  Another Can-quota quickie, full of ridiculous characters in boot polish.

Cabin in the Sky (1943-  B/W)  - African-American revue with a  celestial theme.

It Happened Tomorrow (1944- B/W)- Forgettable DickPowell period precursor  to fogetttable 90s God-show EarlyEdition.

Between Two Worlds (1944 - B/W)- John Garfield, Paul Henreid, Eleanor Parker, Sydney Greenstreet, Edmund Gwenn  and George Coulouris in  a slushy shipboard  melodrama  that ultimately  is  about foregoing the  Afterlife  for  the  Blitz. Ok.ru

A Thousand And One Nights (1945)- Starring Phil Silvers as Ali Bongo!

WonderMan (1945)-Sentimental  tosh, but Danny Kaye is so  pleasingly odd at times. Ok.ru

"WAKE UP AND DREAM" (1946) - Forgettable Fox colour musical. Ok.ru.

Dick Tracy vs. Cueball (1946-B/W) Dick Tracy's Dilemma (1947- B/W)/Dick Tracy Meets Gruesome (1947 - B/W)- Interchangeable  things with bull-headed,unexciting gangsters.

WhisperingCity(1947 -  B/W) -  Tiresome Quebec noir with  Paul Lukas.

Bush Pilot (1947)-  Starring  Jack LaRue and future  Rentayank Austin Willis, notable  only  actual Canadian  bushland locations.


All the King's Men (1949 - B/W) - Yokel politics.

The Magic Box  (1951) - All star Festival of Britain exhibit.

Treasure Island (1950)-  Generic  but coloured.Non-Disney sequel Long John Silver (1954) is slihly more interesting,  being  an early  Aussie movie.

Prehistoric Women (1950) - Oddly-coloured Eagle-Lion chastesexploitation gash.

THIEF OF DAMASCUS, (1952) - Why Normans in Syria? Why is Chaney Jr Sinbad?

Flight To Tangier (1953)- Jack Palance   and Joan Fontaine in Dragnet with gendarmes.


THIS ISLAND EARTH (1954)   - Colourful but narratively plain, though  both  Metalunans are  nicely uncanny.

Princess Of The Nile (1954) - Arabs vs Egyptians nonsense.Sub-Montezian antics.

Ulysses  (1954) -  Despite Kirk Douglas and Anthony Quinn,  just an average peplum.

Jungle Moon Men (1955  - B/W)- Jungle Johnny Weissmuller enacts She badly.

I've Lived Before (1956- B/W) - Reincarnated war gubbins with Jock Mahoney.

The  Invisible Boy(1957 - B/W) - Sub-CFF  larks notableonly for Robbie the Robot.

Wolf  Dog (1958 - b/w) - More   early Canadian cinema. Dull widescreen modern  oater/sub-Lassie  with Jim Davis.

Portrait in Black (1960)  - Samey Lana Turner  thriller, an excuse for  dress  changes not plot.

Scent of  Mystery (1960)-  Apart  from action  hero Denholm Elliot vs Leo McKern, a pedestrian thriller  made for Cinerama/Odorama. Ok.ru.

Man on   a   String (1960-  B/W)-   Boring Borgnine  spy melodrama. Extensively ok.rued.

Blast of Silence (1961- B/W)  - Boring,semi-amateur noir.

The Big Gamble  (1961)   -  Stephen  Boyd, Juliette Greco and David Wayne  star  in what ends up as a   taxing   Oirish semi-comedic Wages  of   Fear, but begins  with  nice bits  of  60s  Dublin. Ok.rued extensively.

Romanoff And Juliet (1961) - Soppy  mittel-european romantifarce by  Ustinov  doing silly  accents, dubbing the entire UN.

Secret Ways (1961 - B/W)- I didn't think an Alistair MacLean-Euan Lloyd  teamup'd  be  this miserable.

 Pocketful of Miracles (1961)-Sentimental Capra, run out of steam.

 The Notorious Landlady (1962 - B/W)  -   Sub-Wilder cavalcade of dodgy Englishness.

Gone Are the Days! aka Purlie Victorious (1963)- Ossie Davis' black hicksploitation  "comedy".

Dear Brigitte (1965)- Sub-Disney mawk. Billy Mumy is  obsessed with Bardot, so da Jimmy Stewart brings him to France and Brigitte gives him a dog. OK.RU


Lord Love a Duck (1966 - B/W)  - Baffling middle-aged teen  comedy,  either a teen  comedy or a parody of them.
Treasure of SanGennaro (1966) - Forgettable Italian  heist comedy.

The Chase  (1966)   -Turgid all-star convict flop.

Rage (1966)- An interesting but rough-hewn TV-level modern Mexican rabies-western starring Glenn Ford.

Blindfold (1966)- Silly, stagey  NYC/Everglades Uni  thriller with  Rock Hudson,  Claudia Cardinale and Jack  Warden. It is almost  approaching  Batman-level camp. Extensively ok.rued.

A  Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum (1966) - A mess. Mostel (basically doing Bialystock),   Silvers, Gilford  and Keaton's styles clash with the Brits.

Not with My Wife, You Don't (1966)-  Godawful Curtis-Scott How To  Murder Your Wife-alike set in  afake UK   with fake BBC. Partly animated.OK.RU

Dead Heat on a Merry-Go-Round (1966) Ok.rued another   tedious heist. Maybe I am  a  completist.

The Busy Body (1967) -  Terrible attempt  by WilliamCastle at  mainstream  comedy.OK.RU.

The  Venetian Affair  (1967) -  Interesting   though  kind of turgid attempt   to  do  a  less-silly US spy  film,  Robert  Vaughn as a  Harry  Palmer-type.  With Boris   Karloff,Elke Sommer, Karl  Boehm,   Lucianna Paluzzi and Ed Asner. Ok.ru.

Enter Laughing (1967)- Another 60s  comedy about an annoying young man. Reiner is overrated.

Oh Dad, Poor Dad, Mamma's Hung You in the Closet and I'm Feelin' So Sad (1968) - Great title, but horrible film.

The  Impossible  Years (1968) - David  Niven hippie  youth idiocy.

Uptight (1968)-  Black Adap of the Informer,  better than Ford.

Madwoman of Chaillot (1969)- A discovery.  Long presumed  this as  a bawdy  period farce, but no, it is a hi-tech satire,  a distaff   Magic Christian.

Don't Drink the Water (1969) - Awful Woody  Allen-written stage  farce adapted with Jackie Gleason. European setting is restricted  to a  few days in Montreal and studios in Florida. Has some uneasy Woody Allen perviness with  the teenage daughter. The fictional country is "Vulgaria" (is this a sequel to Chitty Chitty  Bang Bang), but since Baron Bomburst was deposed, there has been a widespread shift to Islam. OK.RU

The Comic (1969) - Cloying, sentimental, grating Carl Reiner-Dick van Dyke silent  tribute. Van Dyke appears in unconvincing old age makeup.


Me, Natalie (1969) - Like Jeremy (1973), a  NooYawk coming  to age with an   annoying lead.


Army of Shadows (1969) - I don't get  Melville. Slow and deliberate.
Also ok.rued Le Samourai (1967)  and Le  Cercle Rouge (1970).

Start the Revolution Without Me (1970) - "Wilding" and  "Sunderland" (in Grandadese) enact something that  isn't a spoof, just a typical light swashbuckler. OK.RU

Rebel  (1970)-  Salvaging of  an early   Stallone film  a la Medium Cool = bellydancing.
See  also The Swap (1979), an  unfinished  pre-Golan Cannon  film with Robert DeNiro pilfered,  mere  seconds  of Bobby  to  support  an uninteresting, cack-handed new  story  with Sybil   Danning and Jennifer  Warren as the same character.

The  Ear(1970)  - Unfeeling,   cold  Barrandov espionage.

Joe   (1970) - Peter  Boyle moans  about hippies.
Minnie and Moskowitz (1971)-   Not quite my thing, but hey,  Timothy Carey!

Walkabout  (1971)- Nice  scenery.

Devil Came from Akasava (1971)- NONSENSICAL Edgar Wallace-derived Jess Franco jungle thriller with Horst  Tappert. See   also  X312 Flight to Hell (1971).

The  Doberman Gang (1971)-  Slapdash  dog heist.

Every Little Crook and  Nanny (1972) - Godawful play adaptation, half-subNeil Simon, half-sub Disney.Lynn Redgrave looks after saggy-faced mafioso Victor Mature's son. John Astin and Dom Deluise are goons. Ok.ru

The New Centurions (1972) - Cops  and  marching band music.  Yep, it's  Joseph   Wambaugh. Not my  thing.Plus it's  a bit  televisually  flat.

Hickey and Boggs (1972) - Sour, confused, humourless private eye vehicle for Cosby and Culp.

The Offence  (1972)-  Paunchy, unglamourous, depressing Connery crime. Sidney Lumet manages to   evoke a realistically   grim English working class milieu.

Bone (1972) -  Silly, wannabe-political  Larry Cohen thing with Yaphet Kotto as  a black   militant.

Slaughter (1972) - Forgettable Jim Brown  actioner.

Electra Glide In Blue (1973) -  Dreary desert biking  artiness. Ok.ru

Harry in Your Pocket (1973)- Dreary James Coburn con comdram.

Book of Numbers (1973)- Grimy black  rural crime  thing with  Raymond St.Jacques, Freda "Band of Gold"  Payne and Tubbs.

Emperor of the North (1973)- I liked  this better than  last. Rewatch.

Shamus (1973) - Same  as every other Burt Reynolds PI thriller.

Cops and Robbers (1973) -  Dull New York UA supposed comedy. Ok.rued.

Stacey (1973)-  Dull Sidaris excuse for  "T&A", with  an aul wan   in a wheelchair  with loudspeaker, a lady racing  driver


Love and Pain and the Whole Damn Thing (1973) -  Another tedious road movie. MoreTravels with my Aunt.  Ok.ru

The Outfit (1973)  -Varied settings, astonishing cast, but  not  quite my thing.  Ok.ru.

Charley Varrick   (1973) -   A rewatch. Being   Universal, it feels   TV-ish.

Badge373  (1973)- Robert Duvall in a lacklustre but bare-faced French  Connection ripoff, even with Popeye  Doyle's real-life avatar Eddie Egan as an actor/advisor.

The Thief Who Came to Dinner (1973)  -  Ryan  O'Neal's big smug face.

The Don is Dead (1973) - If it'dhad    been a  DeLaurentiis,   it'd   work,  but  with the   televisual  Universal house style, it feels inauthentic.

That  Man  Bolt (1973)- Fred Williamson as a black  Bond. Despite  location shooting in Hong Kong, it is still clearly  a product of 70s Universal.

Blade (1973)- Grim, forgettable NYC thriller with a surprisingly solid cast  headed by  John Marley,  but   including  pre-fame  Rue McClanahan and Morgan Freeman.

Northeast of Seoul (1974)-  Confused  travelogue despite  quality  ham from Victor Buono.

BINGO (1974) -  Oddly-toned  satirical college  thriller  with a sub-Kroftt  Bros theme and  the inevitable Alexandra  Stewart.

Massacre  Mafia Style (1974)- Primitive  Godfather  knockoff engineered by   ex-Dean Martin tribute Duke Mitchell, shot on Queen Mary.  Ends with a massacre  involving guns in  bread rolls. Ok.rued.

Pets (1974)   - Softcore  nonsense with Ed Bishop in a  rare-US role.

Lancelot du Lac (1974)- Bresson does a Tales from Europe-take on  Arthur   with amateurs.

Bring  Me The Head of Alfredo Garcia (1974) -   It feels shockingly  cheap.

Stoner  (1974)  -   Nonsensical  cult-related George Lazenby/flatcapped Angela Mao vehicle.

Gator Bait (1974) - Dingy swamping.

Bonnie's Kids (1974)- Usual  70s   smut-glazed she-action  grot.

Amazing Grace (1974) - Baffling vehicle for octogenarian chitlin' circuit stalwart Moms Mabley. Like  an African-American  Not On Your Nellie.

Dersu Uzala (1975) - Might be  Kurosawa's best.  Deftly  captures Russia's wilderness.

Darktown Strutters (1975) -Tacky blaxploiaion disco biker nonsense.

Lions for Breakfast (1975) - Affable but bland-in-that-New Avengers-in-Canada   way.

The Black Bird (1975)- Inept, TV movie-ish comedy sequel to the Maltese Falcon. Ok.ru.


The Drowning Pool (1975) -  Forgettable Paul Newman sequel  to   the  forgettable Harper.  Ok.ru.
Peeper (1975)- A most forgettable Michael Caine  vehicle.

The  Zebra Killer (1975)- William Girdler  mess.  Blacked-up killer looks like Only Fools and Horses' Tony Angelino.

Deadly Hero (1975) - Confused cop message movie. James Earl Jones  plays Rabbit Shazam.  Danny DeVito and some Mrs. Slocombe-wigged nudie dancers  appear.

Dog Day Afternoon (1975)- A poor man's  Pelham 123.

Jackson County Jail (1976) - Typical  Southern  fluff despite an embryonic Tommy  Lee Jones.

Death Machines (1976)- Amateurish, bored martial   arts.

HAWMPS (1976) -Apple Dumpling Gang with camels.

Moving  Violation  (1976) - Dreary Southern Corman chase-thriller.
See  also  the better-produced post-Corman White Line Fever (1975). Ok.ru.

Lipstick (1976)- Unlikeable DDL sleaze.Ok.rued, to spare me from the horrifics.

Hollywood Man (1976)- William Smith vanity  job about   making a biker film. The telling thing is despite the title, it was  made in Florida.

Hollywood Boulevard  (1976)  - Not   even  Dante   and   Arkush's  enthusiasm makes up for  this   chintzy stockfootage sexcom. Ok.ru.

The Blue Bird (1976) - All star Tales from Europe intended to bring the East and West together. Jinxed because Russia, c.1975 had the same production value as (1940),so it looks the same as the earlier schmaltzy sub-Wizard of Oz Shirley Temple version.    Though having actual  Oz sorta-director George Cukor  doesn't  help. My head can't quite get that Cicely Tyson and George Cole are the same age.

The Late  Show (1977)- Dull, oddly humourless    Art Carney private eye vehicle. Ok.ru. Heavily.

OneMan (1977) -DystopianNFB feature, Len Cariou using  his  own Canuck twang he  passed  of   as Irish in Mude,  She Wrote

Billy Jack Goes to Washington (1977)- To non-Americans,  Billy Jack  and its sequels baffle.

Too Hot to Handle (1977)- Bondage-themed  action  dreariness  withYootha Joyce-alike Cheri Caffaro.

Rolling Thunder (1977)  -  Dreary,depressing AIP/Schrader  vengeance thing. I think I saw this on ok.ru.

Crossed Swords (1977) - A load of stars hamming  it up, badly framed around Mark Twain.

Circle  of Iron (1978) - David  Carradine tries to do  what Bruce Lee failed -  as Michael Bolton-alike Jefff "Kaliman"  Cooper  plays a fortysomething youth searching for zen.  The best thing is Eli Wallach's magic  genitals.

The Great Bank Hoax (1978)- This had to have been intended for telly. What major studio production  in 1978 starring  Richard Basehart  would go to  cinemas? Ok.ru.

Mean  Dog Blues (1978) -   Mel  Stuart-helmed hicksploiter. Gregg Henry  is an alleged country  singer chased by   a dyed-black-haired George Kennedy who sobs over  dead dogs.

The Great Brain (1978)- Mormon Sting/Tom Sawyer-alike produced by the Osmonds. Has everyone's favourite toothy faux-Scouse Branson mogul, James A.   Osmond as the titular little bastard.

The One Man Jury  (1978) -  Schizophrenic Jack Palance action  obscurity.

Just You and Me, Kid (1979)- Dubious George  Burns dramedy with  underage near-nudity  from Brooke Shields.

The Prize Fighter (1979) -  Older Don Knotts is appealingly weary.  But  this is Corman's sub-Disney The Sting.   Ok.ru


The Hitter (1979)- Rough-hewn black streetfighting   yawn with Ron O'Neal.

Lost and Found (1979) - Nothingy Segal-Jackson comedy shot  in Canada, hence John Candy as a Frenchman.

Steel (1979) - Lee Majors vehicle  about builders- astonishingly  not   a Canadian tax dodge.

Gloria (1980)-  Cassavetes refuses to make an   action movie.

Fatso (1980)  -   Dom Deluise diets and fails.

Final    Assignment (1980)- Bland   Canadian Cold War  thriller with Genevieve   Bujold,Michael  York and Burgess Meredith.

The First Deadly Sin  (1980)- Soppy,sub-Movie of  the Week Frank Sinatra  cop-thriller.

Raise The Titanic (1980) -  Lovely score, but it has no villain. It needs a villain, because the plot is literally pulling a ship  out of water.

Union City (1980) -  Odd, unlikeable noir, weirdly attractive style not unlike John Paizs'  Crime Wave.

Cuba Crossing (1980) - Boney  M-soundtracked  all-star B movie feebleness  with no feel for Cuba.

Night of the Juggler (1980)- James  Brolin vs  some  Poundland The  Warriors.

The  Black Marble (1980) - Odd mystery-tinged Wambaugh rom-com.  Ok.ru

Below The Belt (1980) - Mediocre  ladies' wrestling film.

THE BALTIMORE BULLET (1980) -  Dreadful  good ole  boy  poolcom.

The Salamander (-1981)- Rai-Uno-like ITC Eurocrime.   At least,we hear Franco Nero's actual singing voice, more like an Italian Rolf  Harris  than Robert Goulet.Ends with  Nero having a kickabout    with Roman street kids. Rewatch.

Tower of Death (1981) -  Cheap. unsatisfying Bruceploiter.

Chan is Missing (1981  -  B/W)   - Not a mystery, almost a documentary.

ZootSuit (1981) -  Being Universal, it's  essentially a TVM.

The Devil And Max Devlin (1981)   -  Awful Disney   comedy,  despite or maybe  because of the perfect casting of Cosby as  a demon.


S.O.B. (1981) - Self-indulgent self-parody  failure by Blake  Edwards, satirising  his own wife's Julie Andrews' experiences on his own  Darling Lili.  Ok.ru

Fake Out (1982) - Turgid Pia Zadora/Telly  Savalas  Vegas car chase vehicle.
Butterfly (1982) - Turgid  Pia Zadora melodrama. Orson  Welles  chews his own fat.Stacy  Keach  looks confused.

The  Challenge (1982)- A messy lump of American  karate  froth, despite the presence of Toshiro Mifune.

Hammett (1982) - A  mess,suffers  from that Zoetrope artifice. Still, Roy Kinnear!

Nate and Hayes (1983) -  John Hughes' script is too slavish to the Raiders mould without adding anything new.

Bullshot  (1983) -  Finally found a  copy of this Ripping  Yards-ish  Drummond  parody  from  Handmade. The stage show cast who are retained mug too much, lead  Alan Shearman  (now  a leading  voice  actor) is very   Stanley  Baxter.  But    it  gives the  legend  that is Ron Pember a   major role. And it looks nice.

Under The Volcano (1984) - John Huston gets Finney drunk, and we have to watch. Ok.ru

Rustlers' Rhapsody (1985)  -  A confused Spanish-shot singing cowboy parody with Tom Berenger singing anachronistic countrypolitan-type songs, and the likes of Jim Carter and Christopher Malcolm pop up. Ok.ru

The Trouble With Spies (1987)  - Donald Sutherland  plays a Canadian-accented British spy in a sub-Carry  On  Abroad  HBO  original with an odd Transatlantic cast, which despite  being completely forgettable, got a theatrical release via DeLaurentiis.      Suzanne Danielle does   her "continental sexy woman"  schtick.


The Assignment (1997) -Despite Irishman Aidan Quinn absurdly cast as Hispanic, this  Canadian action-thriller set in the 70s manages to capture the feeling of something like Winner's Scorpio or a better  version of Rosebud. A DISCOVERY. Montreal ably doubles for London.Ben Kingsley looks like Bob Mortimer.

Brother 2 (2000) - Alexei Balabanov  I kind of like, but this once it goes to the US, loses its individuality.

Howl's MovingCastle (2005) -   Attractive  but goofy.

Tuesday 18 June 2019

186 - phantasies

Headless Ghost (1959 - B/W) -  CFF-type nonsense withClive Revill. Unsurprisingly, director  Peter Graham Scott's future was  in kids' TV. Dailymotion.

The Hand (1960 - B/W) -Shonky postwar revenge quickie by   Ray Cooney, with Ronald Leigh Hunt.

Space-Men  (1960) - Basically the same scene of space-helmeted gooks over and over, though Margheriti casts a  black American, Archie Savage and  seemingly tries to make him look Caucasian.
Helmets used in the equally execrable  War  of the Planets (1966)  and War Between The Planets  (1966), spinoffs of  the idiotic but  visual Wild Wild  Planet (1966). The Snow   Devils   (1967), the weirdest  of Margheriti's 60s spaceoperas, written  by Batman creator Bill Finger   is still  mostly the same, and wastes its Yeti-in-space concept.

Obras maestras del terror (1960- B/W) - Incomprehensible. adapted from Narciso Ibanez Menta  and Serrador's pre-3-2-1 ANTHOLOGY series.

Visit To A  Small  Planet (1960)/The Nutty  Professor (1963)/Way  Way Out (1966)  -    Way  WayOut has the smallest UN  set I've seen.   Jerry Lewis   I  find silly,  when  he's doing his  schtick. He later  grew into a  decent character actor, though that was  probably Joseph Levitch.

Mistress  of  the World Part I (1960) - Finally found this, though only the first  of two films. An attractive  but confused slog through Thailand. A big proto-Eurospy pudding. Lino Ventura is wasted as  a henchman.  Ok.rued. Since watched the second and yes, it's a globetrotting ride around nowhere. Sabu is wasted. But hey, at least they cast an authentic Asian. 

Dead Eyes of London   (1961 - B/W)  - Gothy, dislikable EdgarWallace  mad science.Set in a London with American accents.

Devil's Partner (1961 -  B/W) - Devil-deal poverty row  zzzzzzz.

Ring of Terror (1961 - B/W)   - More ageing teen  prank agony.

Bloodlust! (1961 -  B/W) -  Teen Most Dangerous Game so bad you want everyone dead.

Homicidal (1961 - B/W) - It's Castle, so predictable.

Atlantis   The Lost Continent    (1961) - George Pal's would-be epic lacks the classically trained  bravado of Harryhausen's similar Greek  adventures. It's all very biblical set leftovers, a throwback  to the Universal nonsenses of years before. Ok.ru.

Valley  of the  Dragons (1961) - Mostly stock footage, padded out by Galwegian Sean McClory and Cesare Danova in LBDs fighting cavemen, supposedly based on Jules Verne's On  The Comet.

The Devil's Messenger (1961 - B/W) - Hokey,  boring failed TV  anthology hosted by Lon Chaney Jr.

Trauma (1962 -  B/W) - Boring Psycho-alike.

FIVE WEEKS IN A BALLOON (1962)- Better Verne. A solid character cast and  nice design ruined by Disney-ish goofiness from Irwin Allen.

Beauty And The Beast (1962)- Tales from Europe USA.
See  also THE MAGIC SWORD (1962) - Bert I. Gordon does the Singing, Ringing Tree meets The Kroftt Brothers.

The Wonderful World of the Brothers Grimm (1962) - A weird film made stranger by the curved Cinerama process.  Pal channels Powell and  Pressburger. Ok.ru

Hand of Death (1962- B/W)  - Desert-based Ben Grimm-alike boredom.

Tower Of London (1962  - B/W) - Corman  and Price's dinner-theater Shakespeare. The (1939)  Karloff version at least has some production value.

The  Yesterday  Machine (1963 - B/W) - Texan Nazi amateurishness with Tim Holt.

Terrified (1963 - B/W) - Sleepy ghost town protoslasher.

The Three Stooges Go Around the World in a Daze (1963 - B/W) - And never leave  Columbia, despite a sizeable chunk of the story set in the  UK. Amiable for what it is.

Monstrosity a.k.a. The Atomic Brain (1963) - Why does the intro speak of vampires? Feck   off.

X: The Man with the X-Ray Eyes (1963) - Like  Corman doing Harold Robbins.

The  Terror (1963)   - Was this meant to be a mess?

House of  the  Damned  -   (1963 - B/W) - TVish, Sub-One Step Beyond. Ok.ru

The Brass Bottle (1964) - Sub-sitcom with Bird's Eye as  a  genie, Tony Randal  and pre-Jeannie Barbara  Eden, not as the  Genie.   Ok.ru.

Hercules Against the Moon Men (1964) - Dreadful peplum.

Curse of the Living Corpse (1964 - B/W) - Very odd attempt   at faux-Corman Poe/British horror.

The Blood Drinkers (1964) -  Partly tinted amateurish-but-inventive Filipino vampire  salvage weck.

The Tomb of Ligeia (1964) - Still has  the claustrophobic artifice of  the US-based Corman Poes, Price miscast but anything that gives Derek Francis a leading part isn't THAT bad.

Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine (1964) - Sub-Disney unfunniness.

Pinocchio in Outer Space (1965)-  Surprised Disney did not sue  Belvision.

Willy McBean and his  Magic Machine (1965) - Semi-forgettable Rankin/Bass time-travel weirdness, with  a Mexican monkey.

The Wizard of Mars (1965) -  Dayglo, over-tinted proto-Pyramids of Mars nightmare, complete with the superimposed,  barking head of John Carradine.

The Beach Girls and the Monster (1965 - B/W)  - Awful beachparty aquatics directed by Jon Hall.

SpaceFlight IC1 (1965 - B/W) - Dreary British space ark cryogenics. Dailymotion

Dark Intruder (1965 -  B/W) -  Failed, theatrically  released pilot, with Leslie   Nielsen in an atmospheric  but empty yellowed-up Chinatown.

Bloody  Pit of Horror (1965) - Better-shot than an Italian gore-gothic cheapie has any right to be.

Space Probe Taurus (1965- B/W) -Zzzz.

Deadly Bees (1966)- A  rewatch. Disappointing in every way. Frank Finlay's old age makeup looks nothing  like old Frank  Finlay, either  pre-his   first death in  1987(as Halliwell's Filmgoer's Companion claims), or after.

Cyborg 2087 (1966)  - Michael Rennie-Terminator wanders  about  western sets.

The Wild World of Batwoman (1966  - B/W)  - Amateurish jiggle nonsense.

Doctor Faustus (1967) - Taylor-Burton vanity-driven student production. Wigtastic. The Burtons revisited this territory in the modern day Ustinov obnoxiousness of Hammersmith is Out (1972). Ok.ru

The Unknown Man of Shandigor  (1967   - B/W) -  "I  want to be Alphaville".  ok.ru

Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed Up Zombies  (1967)- Brutal, hypnotically so.

She-Freak (1967) - Aptly  captures the drudgery  of a carnival. Not  to be confused with the worse She-Beast (1967)



Night Fright (1967) -  The Extra-Terrestrial Nasty!   Abysmal   60s  dimly lit amateurishness.

The Spirit is Willing  (1967)     - Goofy,   unfunny William Castle com  with  Sid  Caesar, Elizabeth Poldark and a country and Irish Carter brother looking kid.

Body Fever (1969)-  At least R.D. Steckler photographs  relatively well. Mundane P.I. stuff.

Target Harry (1969) - Roger Corman-directed pseudo-Eurospy Maltese Falcon dreariness, shot in Turkey with Vic Morrow and Victor Buono heading a Transatlantic cast. Milton Reid adds muscle.


Burn (1969) - Brando-as-Richard-Harris   plays William Walker in a  beautiful   yet  unlikeable mess of a film.

The Maltese Bippy (1969) - Unfunny.dated vehicle for Rowan and Martin. Ok.ru.

Scream Baby Scream! (1969)  - Sub-HG Lewis chud, weirdly written by Larry Cohen.

Eggshells (1969) -Tobe Hooper hippie  pretension.

Macunaíma (1969)-Brazilian adult baby gibberish from New Line.

The Yin and the Yang of Mr. Go (1970) - Yellowed James Mason and director   Burgess Meredith  plus  "Jeffrey Bridges" in a new age  Orientalist fiasco.

Bigfoot (1970) - Rubbish hillbilly  hairy jamboree.

The Revenge of Dr. X  (1970)  - Amateurish Japanese flytrap.

Pufnstuf (1970) - Jack Wild in the movie of the odd Kroftt kidvid. The full-body suited  creatures lack charm. The songs are awful yet catchy. Mama Cass turns up as witch.

Octaman (1971) - Rick Baker's ludicrous  monster the only highlight.

"SIMON, KING OF THE WITCHES" (1971) - Terrible Satanist muckraker.

A Clockwork  Orange (1971)- Part-sex  comedy played for shock, part-Northern kitchen sink parody, part sub-Python nonsense.

7 fois par jour (1971) - Quebecois Arab fantasy  surrealist comedic   artiness by Denis Heroux.

The Corpse Grinders (1971)  -  Ted V Mikels' film feels  like a home  movie made by the damned.
Blood Orgy of the She-Devils (1972) - Ted V Mikels weirdness. Simultaneously awful yet entrancing. Why  is there a medieval  clergyman?

Blood Legacy (1971)  - Late-occurring poverty row will-reading garbage.

The Reincarnate (1971) - Chinzy pre-Exorcist from   Canada wih a  Mrs. Milleresque theme.

Happy Birthday, Wanda June (1971)-  Like Mary Poppins  for hippies. Was young William Hickey  America's Melvyn Hayes? Heavily watched on ok.ru.

The Night God Screamed (1971) - Depressing Mansonia.

Premonition (1972) - Hippie shit.
Curse Of The Headless Horseman (1972)- More  western  hippie  shit.

Return To Boggy Creek (1977) -  Sub-Wilderness Family cheapery. Not to be  confused with the  monstrous Boggy Creek 2 (1985).

The Possession of Virginia  (1972) - Slow Quebecois Sannistttr  erotica.

Night Of The Cobra Woman (1972) - Semi-incomprehensible Filipino schlock.

Enter the Devil (1972) - What I imagine  30s pulp modern-westerns would have looked like if they'd continued into  the 70s.



The Deathmaster (1972) - Godawful Robert Quarry Mansonian vampire vanity project.

Endless  Night (1972) - Supernatural-infused  Christie adap, unsure to what  it is, reverts to psychedelia.

Encounter With The Unknown (1973) - Serling-narrated regional Night Gallery fan film.

The Mind Snatchers (1973) -  Mind-experiment drudgery with Joss Ackland and a young, Richard Madeley-ish Chris Walken.

Dark Places (1973) - Christopher Lee, Herbert Lom, Robert Hardy and  Joan Collins walk about a dowdy  house. Extremely boring.

Hannah, Queen of the Vampires (1973) - Beige  Spanish-American horror.

Bram Stoker's Dracula (1974) - Feels rather too stately and therefore quite stiff. Needs some of that Dark Shadows giddiness. Also watched the 1977 BBC Count Dracula, Louis Jourdan silky but sinister presence, but it has its problems. It's too "BBC period drama", Frank Finlay's accent as a very Dutch Van Helsing, Whitby looks nice, but there's something about it that clashes.
  

Nuits Rouges (1974) - Franju-directed TV series reedited into a film. A load of pulp homage and some mumpsy about the Templars. Looks cheap, down to manky stock footage of the spinning Scotland Yard sign.
         
The Deathhead  Virgin  (1974)  -  Typical  Filipino barroom   brawl/aquatic   drivel.

Devil Times Five (1974) - A languid melodrama  enlivened by the OTT actions of the killer kids. Rewatch.

Mousey (1974) - Kirk Douglas stalks Jean Seberg around an America that either looks like Canada or Home Counties suburbia. Produced by Beryl Vertue for Associated London Films and Aida Young.

Phantom of the Paradise (1974)  -   An insufferable, incompetent  musical conusion. Ok.ru

The House on Skull Mountain  (1974) -The  Old Black House. Has  Victor French as the crusty hero, who is  coded mixed-race so he can be cousin to his black lover, and   civil  rights activist Xernona Clayton in an acting role.

Cleopatra Jones and the Casino of Gold (1975) - Dopey, colourful but unentertaining Shaw Brothers coproduction, despite Norman Fell playing CIA agent Stanley Roper.   Ok.ru

A*P*E (1976) -  From  the producer of Schlock, almost the same film but with a King Kong knockoff, set in a Korean fairground.

Rattlers (1976)  -  Unconvincing,  dimly lit  snakes flick.

Crash (1976) - Band car-demon   kerfuffle.  Ok.ru


The Clown Murders (1976) - Sub-Straw Dogs Canuck slasher  notable  only for John Candy   and   some polo.

A Matter  of Time (1976) - AIP/Liza and  Vincente  make an Italian mockbuster of Hollywood  musicals.

Drive-In Massacre (1976) - Possibly the least exciting  horror film ever.

Sisters of Death (1976) - Ludicrous  Clemensesque sorority gubbins.
Not to  be confused  with the also-Clemensesque-but-dull Die Sister Die (1978).

Haunted (1977) - Hokey Southwestern 'orror  with Ann  Michelle c.Come Back, Mrs. Noah as a Native American.
Not to  be confused  with the also-dull-and-with-Aldo Ray  Haunts (1976).

Satan's Cheerleaders (1977)  - Dreadful sexcom.

The Believer's Heaven (1977) - Quite possibly the oddest film I have seen.  Ron Ormond puts visuals  to a  fire and  brimstone  lecture by   one Estus W Pirkle.

Track of the Moon Beast (1976) -  Amateurish nonsense, again Bill Finger.



Night Creature (1978)  - The highlight is the  Pleasence-panther hybrid.

Alien  Zone (1978) - Dull, non-SF portmanteau.

Vampire Hookers (1978)   - Godawful but professionally done Filipino trash. John  Carradine  plays Drac.

The Plumber (1979) - Odd Peter Weir telemovie, about a psychotic, somewhat laddish plumber. Interesting performance from Ivar Kants, but a lot of middle-class suburban m,ndanity common in Aussie soaps.

J Men Forever   (1979) -  Do you need drugs to  get  the Firesign Theatre? This serial mixtape has some choice  bits, but  a lot of it has dated into nonsense.

The Psychotronic Man (1978) - Unexciting.

The Alien Factor (1978) - Amateurish, bar the stop-motion.    See also Night Beast (1982).

The Capture Of Bigfoot (1979) - So dreadful even Lloyd Kaufman regrets owning it.

Up From The Depths (1979)- Amateurish-for-70s-Corman Jaws ripoff/spoof.

Charlie and the Talking Buzzard (1979)   - Young Dean Cain   pops up  in his stepdad's story of when Tristram Fourmile befriended dubbed over stock of  a bird.

The Godsend (1980) - Cannon UK horror which down to music feels like a Hammer House  of Horror.

The Formula  (1980)  -How did this get Oscar nominated for cinematography? It looks somewhere between early Troma and German television. Gielgud plays Max Von  Sydow. Brando plays David Huddleston.

Schizoid (1980)- Forgettable,unlikeable Cannon slasher.
See also The Burning   (1981), The  Prowler (1981).

Christmas Evil (1980) - A Taxi Driver Christmas.

The Attic (1980)- A strange curio. Carrie   Snodgress' life is  constantly ruined by pa Ray Milland. It seems either want to be another Repulsion  or  an  old fashioned gothic  melodrama.A sequel to 1973's The Killing Kind.

The   Hand  (1981) -   Dreadful Michael Caine  horror starring Maurice as a haunted Barry Windsor-Smith roman √° clef, working on a Conan-like comic, Mandro.

Full Moon  High (1981)-  Dreadful  yet  moments of  Larry Cohen's invention shine  through.

A Day of Judgment (1981)-  Incompetent period-set suspense-free religious horror.

Hell Night  (1981) - Needs some older character support. Otherwise undistinguished though well-done.

Night of the Zombies (1981)  - Ambitious but incompetent  no-budget horror shot  in  Germany.

The Nesting (1981)- Godawful haunted brothel(?) Hamlet ad.  Dreary middle-aged terror.

Lovespell (1981)   -Incredibly shonky  Irish adap of Tris and Isolde. Kate Mulgrew's accent wanders. Richard Burton waits  to  be paid. Messrs Toibin and Cusack appear per   something made  here  at that time.



Rana: The Legend of Shadow Lake (1981) - Sub-Sunn Classics wildlife adventure with a frogmonster.

Deadly Blessing (1981)  - Typical Craven mouthings of nonsense "with meaning". Despite an odd trans-twist and Borgnine as an Am-ish nutter.

REWATCHED CAT  PEOPLE (1982). Only  good thing is  Ruby Dee.

Alicja (1982) - Apple-ish musical with Jack   Wild, Paul Nicholas, Jean PierreCassel, Susannah York, Peter   Straker and Lulu's voice.

Big Meat Eater (1982) - Confused, ham-fisted Canadian 50s SF parody with a black butcher who  is supposedly an Iraqi alien. Ok.ru

Safari 3000 (1982) -  Semi-Death Race comedy drudgery with David Carradine,Stockard Channing and a Brucie-ish Vader-helmeted Christopher Lee.

Deadly Eyes (1982) -  Boring James Herbert adap by Golden Harvest, rat-dogs devastating Toronto.

Hysterical (1983)-  Blurry, confused  horror "comedy" by  one-time Monkhouse stooges the Hudson Brothers.

The Man   Who Wasn't There (1983) - Had to skipwatch every 30 seconds after the first ten mins. Brownface-heavy  sub-Man with Two Brains invisible spy movie with Steve  Guttenberg.

The Demons of Ludlow (1983) -  Haunted by amateur  dramatics in powdered wigs.   Again from Bill  Rebane, like Rana and The   Capture of Bigfoot. His film The Game (1984) may be the  worst photographed film I have ever  seen.

I Am the Cheese (1983) -  The Prisoner for  twerpy  high school sprinters.
See also a  disaff  equiv, the  Dennis Potteresque I Never Promised You a Rose Garden (1977)

The Enchanted (1984)  - Southern emptiness with Julius Harris.

Blind Date (1984) - Dreadful Mastorakis erotica despite an  unlikely appearance from Scots comedy staple Gerard Kelly

The Strangeness (1985) -  Dimly-lit but enthusiastically made horror.

Night Train to Terror (1985) - A  hopeless  salvage-job anthology.

Transylvania 6-5000  (1985) -  Dreadful,bland,expensive 80s horror comedy.
Hellhole (1985)-  Sleazy though colourful mad science/women in  prison film.

The Passing (1985) -  Psychedelic, ambitious amateur rejuvenation saga.

Radioactive Dreams (1985)- Idiotic newwave Mad Max noir.

Wired to Kill (1986) - Basically Children of Castor from Cruise of the Gods, but American.

Solarbabies (1986) -Mel  Brooks apocalypteen nonsense.Alexei Sayle!

Critters (1986)/Critters 2 (1988) -  Bland, serviceable video   fare that try to be quirky yet workmanlike in that  odd mid-to-late80s way.  Critters 3 (1991) is even less memorable were it not for Leonard DiCaprio (sic)  popping up.  Critters IV (1992)  wastes Angela Bassett.

Ghost Fever (1987) -  Ghastly comedy, a post-Jeffersons Sherman Hemsley infested all his money in this. 

Cherry 2000 (1987)-I like  the style, but David "Pulaski" Andrews is a plank.
Doin' Time On Planet Earth (1988) - Dull teen  comedy  by  Walter Matthau's son.

Bloodstone (1988) - Indian-American Jonesploitation, Chris Neame as baddie, plus inevitable Bob Christo.  Despite looking like a Bollywood film of 1988, Klingon Charlie Brill dons boot polish  as a local inspector. Rewatching it on bluray a year later, and it looks infinitely better. Hero Brett Stimely is like a bad waxwork of Nick Nolte, but he's dubbed by yer actual David Soul and he's really second fiddle to the always awesome Indian superstar Rajinikath, who is deservedly first billed on the main cast list, while Stimely is billed first on the posters and opening. 

Midnight Movie Massacre (1988) - Asinine comedy.

Arena (1989) - Great  creature work. But it can't help but look tacky.

Sundown - The Vampire in Retreat (1989) - Wants to be fun, but comes over as Strange Invaders with vampires.

Rockula (1989) - Thanks William Bibbiani for recommending this. It  reminded me a  bit of Adventures   of Pete and Pete, but Dean  Cameron is strident, to say the least.

Moontrap (1989)  -    A  poor man's Lifeforce  USA.

Slipstream (1989) -British attempt at a sci-fi hit.  Bob Peck a convincingly daffy android. But everything else fails to click, even redneck Robbie Coltrane.

The Dark Side Of The Moon (1990) - An interesting idea (Bermuda Triangle connects to the Moon-  basically an adaptation of   that Sunday Sport headline about the WW2 bomber on the Moon) handled without verve, energy or style.

Killer Tomatoes Eat France! (1992)-  Almost passes  by  being  deliriously  stupid.

Mindwarp   (1992) - More attractive than  usual post-apocalyptic runaround by Fangoria.

Ed And His Dead Mother (1993)  -  Steve Buscemi has a zombie Miriam Margolyes as a mum.Idiotic, neutered sub-Evil Dead comedy.

Silent Tongue (1993)  - Confused horror-western with River Phoenix, Richard Harris and Oirish carny Alan  Bates.

No Escape  (1994)  - One of the best SF films of the 90s. Casting the likes of Don Henderson, Jack Shepherd and Ian McNeice helps. Ernie Hudson, Michael Lerner and Lance Henriksen too.

Trance (1998) - It ain't perfect, being Michael Almereyda, it is quite arty, this is perhaps the  best Irish ish horror I've seen. Even  even though it's mainly shot in Yonkers, locations look right,  having Chris Walken be a huge Joe Dolan fan makes it feel more authentically Irish than most Irish films.
Twister (1989),a  strange but never endearingly so  comedy starring Lois Chiles and Harry  Dean  Stanton also has  weird Irish  threads,  plus Donal  Donnelly.


Babel  (1999)- Oddly-toned  Quebecois kiddy fantasy with Tcheky Karyo and the End of Days being outwitted by  a  kid  (played  by the one-time voice of George the moose in Arthur) and a tribe of immortal Garbage Pail Gnomes (or the children of Dungeons and Dragons' Dungeonmaster and Gwildor from Masters of the Universe - the Movie). Clearly intended to be basically Kevin and the Time Bandits, but having big gnome-heads instead of diminutive character talent robs it.

Friday 7 June 2019

106 - 1930-1960

The Phantom (1931 -  B/W) - Dreary old dark house with   Guinn "Big Boy" Williams.

The Drums of Jeopardy (1931)-  Has Warner Oland as  mad doctor Boris Karlov  (yes,  really) in a speedy  silent-like Imperialist Russian melodrama.

Behind The Mask (1932 - B/W) -  Karloff gangsterism.

Get That Girl (1932  - B/W) -   Blurry silentish vehicle for  limber acrobat/Casino Royale director Richard Talmadge.

Murder at Dawn (1932  - B/W) -  Mischa Auer in dimly-lit crime   tedium.
Supernatural   (1933   -   B/W)  - Sangsteresque mad woman melodrama with Carole Lombard and Randolph Scott.

The Moonstone (1934 - B/W) - Dreary quota quickie-ish modern dress adap  from Monogram. Fedoras ahoy.

The Return of Chandu (1934 - B/W)/Chandu On The Magic Island  (1935 - B/W) - Lugosi miscast as hero. Even the film treats him like a baddie.

Black  Moon  (1934 - B/W)- Tedious Fay  Wray voodoo  romance.

Double Door (1934  - B/W) - Awful, talky, on  cheap chipboard stages. Paramaount adap of a Lifetime-ish Broadway play about  a spuned mad woman. Ok.ru.

The Ninth Guest (1934 - B/W)- Roy William  Neill directs a murderous drawing room argument. 

The Beast of Borneo (1934 - B/W)  - Uninteresting travelogue.

House of Mystery (1934 - B/W) - The only highlight of this Monogram dud  is a  Hindu ape.

The Crime of Doctor Crespi (1935 - B/W)  -  Von Stroheim's 1930s  Casualty.

Condemned to Live (1935 - B/W)- Dreadful, primitive vampire thing.

Shadow Of Chinatown (1936 - B/W) - Unactionable  un-Chinese Lugosi serial cutdown.

Revolt of the Zombies (1936 - B/W) -  Dean Jagger in colonial Cambodian   thuggee grot.

King Solomon's Mines (1937 - B/W) - Paul Robeson's singing highlights  a stolid adap.

Torture Ship (1939 - B/W)  - Catfighting, inept  ocean peril   with Lyle Talbot.

Son of Ingagi (1940- B/W) - A  jaunty all-African American mad  science pic,  more like a musical.

Before I Hang (1940 - B/W)   -  Disappointing Karloff  science-crime  noir wannabe cheapie.

Ladies In Retirement (1941 - B/W) -  Hollywood Briddish music hall Gothic.

The Face Behind the Mask (1941 - B/W) - Peter Lorre goes about, shifty and feeling sorry about himself.

King of the Zombies (1941 -  B/W) - Just a load of people including Mantan Moreland bulge their eyes out.

The Living Ghost (1942  -   B/W) - Mediocre Monogram thing about a pathetic zombie in a house.

The Mad Monster (1942- B/W) - Incompetent  Zucco/PRC scientific wolf man   pic.

The Corpse Vanishes (1942 - B/W) - Mostly Bela hanging about a wedding like a seedy uncle.

Man with Two Lives (1942- B/W) -  More  fedora-laden  Monogram  folderol.

The Mad Doctor of Market Street (1942 - B/W) - Atwill on autopilot.

Leopard Man (1943-  B/W)-   Feels ashamed to  be horror.


The Return Of The Vampire (1943 - B/W) - The idea of a vampire amongst the Blitz and  ARP wardens,   but Lugosi seems half hearted.

Revenge of the Zombies (1943 - B/W) - Carradine reanimating plantation nonsense.
See also Face of Marble (1946 -  B/W).

The Monster Maker (1944   - B/W) -  A  PRC melo where acromegaly makes people  look like aliens   in a 90s TV sci-fi.

The Soul of a Monster (1944 - b/w)  -  Forgettable Columbia  paranormal noir.

Crazy Knights (1944  -  B/W) - Intolerably   goofy Shemp comedy.

The  HalfwayHouse  (1944 - B/W)- Sentimental Welsh  Ealing  with the  Johns clan as ghosts.

Murder In the Blue Room (1944-   B/W) - Annoying musical-comedy. Ian Wolfe buttles.

Voodoo Man (1944 - B/W) - More interchangeable Lugosi experiments.

Ghost Catchers (1944 - B/W) -  Olsen  and Johnson stink.

Gildersleeve's Ghost (1944- B/W) -  Baffling radio  adap. Has a gorilla.

Phantom of the Opera  (1943)/The Climax (1944) - Color musicals  with limited horror dressings.

The Woman Who Came Back (1945- B/W) - True/bullshit melodrama.

Black Magic (1944 - B/W)- Boring Monogram Charlie Chan.

The Great Flamarion (1945 -  B/W) - Cookie-cutter vaudeville  noir.

 DEVIL MONSTER (1936/1946 - B/W)  - Stock footage  laden travelogue seemingly  enacted by arthritis patients.

The Phantom Speaks (1945 - B/W) Richard Arlen walks about feeling sorry for himself.

Devil Bats Daughter  (1946-   B/W) -  A big cheat.

The Brute Man (1946- B/W)/House of Horrors (1946-  B/W) - Rondo Hatton didn't have  much presence.

The Beast with Five Fingers (1946 - B/W) - Lorre miscast, too glossy for its own good,  feels like  a period piece even though it isn't.

The Strange Love of Martha Ivers (1946 - B/W) - Same as almost every noir.

The Amazing Mr. X (1948 -  B/W) - Noir longingly staring at a beach.

Feathered Serpent (1948 - B/W) - Roland Winters' Chan is like Abanazer.

Inner Sanctum (1948- B/W) - Yokel noir.

The Fall of the House of Usher (1950  -  B/W) - Amateurish primitive Britishadap with   Gwen  Watford.

Bride of the Gorilla (1951 -  B/W) - Jungle  tedium with little  ape action. Woody Strode has more presence and  dignity than his character  calls for.

Son  of   Dr.  Jekyll  (1951 - B/W)   - 15 years too late. Dreary, and forgotten/forgettable.

The Strange Door (1951 -  B/W) - Less a horror, and just a rote albeit goth swashbuckler.  See also the also-Karloffian The Black Castle (1952 - B/W) with   Richard Greene.

The Voice of Merrill (1952 - B/W) - I'm sick of noirs, even UK ersatz ones with Edward "not Le Mesurier" Underdown.

Captive Women (1952 - B/W)  - Boring 50s apocalypta. Not to be confused with Untamed  Women.

Dementia (1955 - B/W) - An incompetent nightmare.

The She-Creature (1956 -  B/W) - So dreadful PeterLorre was horrified when he was offered the role.

FRIGHT (1956 - B/W) - DrearyW. Lee Wilder reincarnation guff.

CURUCU, BEAST OF THE AMAZON  (1956 - B/W) - Unmemorable  travelogue disguised as horror.

Francis in the Haunted House (1956) -Goofy, terrible Mickey Rooney  vehicle.


Back From the Dead (1957 - B/W) - More reincarnation guff, explicitly dramatising the "Bridey (sic)  Murphy" case.

Blood of Dracula  (1957 - B/W)-  Intolerable. Eddie  Munster as a sorority girl.

The Thing That Couldn't Die (1958- B/W)  - Dreadful  western-infused ranch horror.

The Incredible Shrinking Man (1957 - B/W)  -   I'm not quite  a fan. Again, it's a Twilight Zone concept.

The Giant Claw (1957 - B/W) - Worth it  only  for the incredible beast.Ok.ru

The Werewolf (1957 - B/W)  - A hairy  man wanders around a national park being chased by other hairy men.An old woman looks  like Kenneth  Mars.


The Unknown Terror (1957 - B/W) - Terrible jungle/caving schlock.

Invasion of the Saucer Men (1957 - B/W) -  Gormless idiocy with Frank Gorshin and some aged teenagers.

The Monolith Monsters (1957 - b/w) - How are rockpiles scary?

The Smallest Show on Earth (1957)-  Twee.

She-Devil (1957 -B/W) -  Laborious sub-noir premake of the  Wasp Woman.

Beginning of the End (1957 - B/W) - Bert I. Gordon's incompetent  grasshopper boredom with Peter  Graves. Mant!

Zombies of Mora Tau (1957 - B/W)-  More jungle gruel.

Voodoo Island (1957 - B/W)- So  incompetent that the model used  for the establishing shot of the resort  is infinitely  worse  than the model used as a model of the resort by Karloff and co for investors. Elisha Cook pulls  his face.

Attack  of the 50 Foot Woman  (1958- B/W)  Again, rural sci-fi-tinged jiggle schlock. Ok.ru
Not to be confused  with the deliberately idiotic Lou Costello vehicle The  30 Foot Bride of Candy Rock (1959 -B/W).

Night of the Blood Beast (1958 -  B/W)- Proto-Alien drear.

Teenagers Battle The Thing (1958) - Literally amateur Indian mummy.

My World Dies Screaming (1958 -  B/W) - Shonky American psychothriller  dressed up in gimmicks.

The Snorkel (1958 - B/W)  - Annoying Hammer Nancy Drew-alike with Mandy "Nellie the  Elephant" Miller as the bitchy heroine.

Monster on  the Campus (1958 - B/W) - Typical Universal50s schlock, down to jokes about attractive men studying palaeontology. More hairy men.

The Flame Barrier (1958 - B/W) - More shonky    jungle schlock.

The Space Children (1958 - B/W) - Children's Film Foundation-type larks done seriously,  with added peril.

Macabre (1958  - B/W) -  Unidstinguished William  Castle trash.

Terror from  the Year 5000  (1958 - B/W)  -  AIP  crud. Is Salome Jens' Hollywood's leading alien-actress?

Frankenstein's Daughter (1958- B/W)/She-Demons (1959- B/W) -  Crud  from Cunha.

Flesh and the Fiends (1958 - B/W)-  Staid, sub-Gainsborough gothic with Cushing as Dr.  Knox.

Corridors of Blood (1958-B/W) - Lee  and Karloff do  more old-fashioned  grave-robbing.

The Haunted Strangler (1958)- Karloff in a dodgy Lodger.

The Brain Eaters  (1958-  B/W)  -     More AIP nonsense, with Leonard "Nemoy".

Ghost Of Dragstrip Hollow (1959 - B/W) - Like a bad  SCTV parody of 50s JD movies.

The Cosmic  Man (1959 - B/W) -  A big goofy Glitterball.

Teenage Zombies (1959 -  B/W) -  Prematurely aged action-less,no-budget cop.

The Hideous Sun Demon (1959 - B/W) - 'Tis hideous.

Night of the Ghouls (1959 - B/W) - Ed Wood was a cabaret man not a filmmaker.

Battle Beyond The Sun (1959) -Typical Soviet po-faced space larks, edited for Corman by Coppola.


Monday 3 June 2019

126 - fantasy

The   Big Broadcast of 1936 (1935- B/W)- More  TV-themed revuery.  Slim Ethel   Merman is disconcerting.
See also the Big Broadcast (1932) with Bing Crosby.

The Man They Could Not Hang (1939  - B/W) - Karloff would  do  this again and before.  Typical 30s/40s mad science fluff.

The Body Disappears (1941 - B/W) -    Sporadically appealing invisible comedy.


Here Comes Mr. Jordan  (1941- b/w) - Sentimental comedy  remade  as the almost workable Heaven can Wait (1978- rewatch).

Night Monster (1942 -B/W) - Tedious old dark house seriousness.

Ghost Ship(1942 - B/W) - Lewton thing that has to resort to voiceover for creepiness, or people think it'llbe like the Long Voyage Home.

The Seventh Victim (1943 - B/W)  - Lewton is overrated. This is a  proto-slasher that really wants to be Hitchcock. If  DePalma was  in the  40s..

I Love A Mystery (1945 -B/W) - Tonally   off  radio mystery adap. Sequels The Devil's Mask (1946) andThe Unknown (1946 - B/W) are much the same, noirish  Scooby Doos.

Bedlam (1946- B/W) - Hokey Lewton-Karloff period suspenser.

THE FLYING SERPENT (1946 - B/W)  - George Zucco and a wild parrot.PRC  fluff.

UnknownIsland (1948)  - Colour poverty row thing  with an ape-man/"sloth" and a dinosaur.

Rocketship X-M (1950 - B/W)  - Lloyd Bridges stars  in a shonky cash-in on Destination Moon, with added melodrama and tinted-orange desert.

Destination Moon   (1950) - Though in colour, this early George Pal effort hasn't aged well. The  highlight  is Woody Woodpecker.
Conquest of Space (1953) is  more of  the same.

Five (1951 - B/W) - I appreciate the effort,but this  post-apocalyptic five-hander would work better  in half an  hour.

Superman and the Mole Men (1951- B/W)  - Not my thing. Serial-like pilot for the TV series.

Mr. Drake's Duck  (1951 - B/W)  - Manic nonsense with  Douglas  Fairbanks Jr. and Jon Pertwee (billed  over  Wilfrid Hyde-White) doing his silly yokel voice in one of his meaty sidekick  roles, when he tried to be a film star.

Lost Continent (1951 - B/W) - Another rubbishy lost  world film, with Cesar Romero and a rocketship in a land tinted green.

Flight to Mars (1951)  -  Nothing that hasn't been seen before or since,  surprisingly lush,  in color, when Cameron Mitchell wasn't the sign of a semi-amateur production.

The Whip  Hand (1951 - B/W) - Commie-fighting western.

Invasion USA (1952 - B/W) -  More anti-commie war dreariness with Dan O'Herlihy.

BELA LUGOSI MEETS A BROOKLYN GORILLA (1952 - B/W) - Cruddy slapstick with   a Martin and Lewis tribute in the jungle.

Untamed  Women (1952 - B/W)  - One Million Years B.C.rehashing post-apocalyptica.

The Magnetic Monster (1953 - B/W) -  Noisy Ivan Tors military nonsense.

Killer Ape (1953 - B/W) - Racist comic strip jungle trash with Johnny Weissmuller as Jungle  Jim.

Mesa of Lost Women (1953 - B/W) - More jungle shite.

Phantom from  Space (1954 - B/W) - Forgettable alien larks.
The Neanderthal Man (1953- B/W) - Mediocre Cave-western  with Frida Kahlo mutants.

Project Moonbase (1953) -  More faux-scientific crud.

The Atomic Kid  (1954 - B/W)  - Idiotic  Mickey Rooney military comedy for Republic, written by Blake Edwards.

Target Earth (1954 - B/W) -  Living room drudgery. Not to be confused  with the even worse mockumentary  UFO: Target Earth (1974).

Riders to the Stars (1954)   - Color Ivan Tors educational adventure, directed by and starring Richard Carlson, plus young pre-Brit  TV grot  Dawn Addams.

Devil Girl from Mars (1954 -  B/W) - Being a film set in Scotland, John Laurie pops up. Not a good  film  by any means, but with  its kinky subtext, oddly hypnotic.
Stranger from Venus (1954 - B/W) - A more tedious version of the above,gender-switched, with Pat Neal and  Helmut Dantine as a bargain-bin Klaatu.

Tobor the Great (1954) -  Tiresome sub-CFF kiddy folderol involving  a  robot and a rocket.

The Rocket Man (1954 -   B/W) - Dopey CFF/Disney-ish kidcom by Lenny Bruce!

Revenge  of the Creature  (1955- B/W)/The Creature Walks Among Us (1956 - B/W) - Cheap cash-ins.

The Beast With A Million Eyes (1955 - B/W)/The Phantom from 10,000 Leagues (1955) /Monster from the Ocean Floor (1954 - B/W)- The  same shade of undersea Corman dreariness.

Tarantula (1955 - B/W) - I  am not a fan, even though Leo G. Carroll gives his heart and soul.

The Day the World Ended (1955- B/W)   - Unexciting Corman melodramatics.

Bride of the Monster (1955 - B/W)/Plan 9 from Outer Space (1959  -  B/W) - I admire Ed Wood, but I don't get him.

Timeslip (1955 -  B/W) - Typically dreary 50s UK thriller with radioactivity thrown in.

The Beast of Hollow Mountain  (1956) - Shite proto-Valley  of Gwangi.

Creature with the Atom Brain (1956 - B/W) - Bad zombie-gangster  film.

King Dinosaur (1956 - B/W) -   Shonky  garden-shot giant reptiles folderol by  Bert I. Gordon.


Indestructible Man (1956- B/W) Sleazy,unlikeable Lon Chaney thriller.
World Without End  (1956)  - The other adaptation of he Time Machine with Rod   Taylor. Chintzy colour space-saga. The ludicrous Queen of Outer Space (1958)  is at least in the same universe.



Not Of This Earth (1957 - B/W) - Typically simultaneously energetic yet dreary early Corman. See also The Last Woman on  Earth (1959) and The Wasp Woman (1959 - B/W),The Undead  (1956 - B/W, actually that's  a fun medieval fantasy, maybe Corman's best of this era) and Voodoo Woman (1957 - B/W).

From Hell It Came (1957 -B/W) - Fun  monster-tree, but a jungle slog.

Missile to the Moon (1958 - B/W) - An even worse Cat-Women of the Moon.

The Lost Missile (1958 - B/W) -  I somewhat fancy Robert Loggia, but this military-themed war scare flick is a pile of irradiated dung.

Invisible Invaders  (1959- B/W) - Dreary 50s proto-zombie apocalypse.


I Married a Monster from Outer Space (1959 - B/W) - Almost a self-parody   without jokes. The highlight is the gruesome end. Too noirish for my  liking.

The Incredible Petrified World (1959 - B/W) - Dreadful  excuse to reuse stock footage.

CAPE CANAVERAL MONSTERS (1960 - B/W) - Even worse than one can imagine, and this is from the director of the legendarily awful Robot Monster  (1953 - B/W).

The  Atomic Submarine (1960- B/W) - Basic two-star naval mission with a giant squid, but compared to the above, decent.
See also AlexGordon's other undersea dirge The Underwater City (1962), so bad it  was erroneously released in b/w.

Man in the Moon (1960-  B/W)   -Less a space comedy, more a slightly-sexy comedy that hasn't aged.

12  to the Moon (1960 - B/W) -  Unengrossing melodramatics.

The Amazing Transparent Man (1960 - B/W) -   Misleading advertising.

Confessions of an Opium Eater (1962 - B/W) - Dreadful but indescribably  strange   Vincent Price sorta-adventure. Has only one yellowfaced character, an ageing dwarf courtesan.

Invasion Of The Star Creatures (1962 - B/W) Duff, dull, sub-Bilko comedy.

The  Slime  People (1963 -  B/W) - Literally unwatchable.

The Crawling Hand (1963 - B/W) - Not to be confused with The Creeping Terror (1964 - B/W), but the same (lack of) quality.

Alphaville (1965 - B/W) - A  load of lazy bollocks.

Lightning Bolt (1966) -Anthony Eisley, a decent lead playing an arsehole tries  to stop a  Spanish Leo McKern and his army of poundshop provo Diaboliks in this charmless Margheriti Eurospy.

 Sins of the Fleshapoids (1966)  - Proto-Waters amateurishness.  

Agent 505: Death Trap Beirut (1966) -The araldite Frederick Stafford plays another intolerable arsehole spy   in this shonky You Only Live Twice precursor.

Around the World Under the Sea (1966) -More tiresome underwater slowness from Ivan Tors.  Has Shirley  Eaton  in her post-Bond sojourn, alongside the terrible "we-really-want-to-be-British"spy  film  The Scorpio Letters (1967).

Stereo (1969- B/W) - Cronenberg    arseholery.

Latitude Zero (1969)- Finally saw this. The most inventive kaiju? Probably.   Though still bogged down  in  silly, absurdist  nonsense.  Has supposedly  Victorian tech  that is not steampunk but very mod.


On the Comet (1970) -  Some beautiful Zeman material, but sadly it  mostly bores.

THX1138 (1971)  -  George Lucas'  1984 fanfilm. Finds its footing too late.

Punishment  Park (1971)  - It feels like a World in Action, so it convinces. But not enjoyable.

The   Incredible  Invasion  (1971)  -   Awful, faux-German    Mexican steampunk  Karloff necrophilia.

Watched the  five   Superbug films  (1971,  (1972, (1973, (1975, (1979)    -  Germany's answer to the Herbie films, about a computerised Beetle. Silly, sporadically charming, with a robo-spider toolkit and a lead called James Bondi.

The Resurrection of Zachary Wheeler (1971)  -Dreadful  videotaped medical thriller.

Garden of the Dead (1972) - Amateurish rubbish involving cowboys,  graves, zombies and fog.

The Dracula Saga  (1972)  - Typically nonsensical monster  rally from Spain. What it lacks in Paul  Naschy, it makes up in with Narciso Ibanez Menta, a cyclops  and delusions of grandeur.

Schlock  (1973)  - John Landis' debut is enthusiastic but just  not  especially entertaining. Good ape work.

2069 - A Sex Odyssey (1973) - Snowbound/Chromakeyed sex awfulness.

Who? (1973)- Utterly  ridiculous  cyborg-spy-in-a-metal-mask nonsense.

Flesh  Gordon (1974)  - Not just not worth it for the stop-motion, but  rendered useless by De Laurentiis, Hodges and co.

Dr.  Black, Mr.Hyde (-1975) - The  one laugh is the Pieces-like kung  fu interlude. Bernie Casey gives it  his all,  but it is amateurish.

Percy's Progress  (1975) - The   all-star sequel nobody asked for.Bernard  Falk   and  Dame Edna Everage (newly knighted) appear as themselves (so this is in the Bazza-Howling-Gremlins-Captain Invincible-Walter Paisley-Looney Tuniverse). Vincent Price is a Greek tycoon.

Fantastic Comedy (1975) - Romanian Come Back, Mrs. Noah.


The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975) - Oh fuck off. Ironic that Richard O'Brien,  singing about Flash Gordon, would ultimately be in Flash Gordon. But not even Charles Gray can save this.

The Bionic Boy (1977)  - Amateurish Filipino cash-in.


Spider-Man (1978)/Spider-Man Strikes  Back (1979)- Below-average  TV  folderol packaged to cinemas.

Deathsport (1978) - Mostly ropey, but enough world-building  and interesting touches (David Carradine's mum being  this Anakin Skywalker-type  legendary hero  murdered by  Richard Lynch) and interesting action not  to make  it worthless.

Americathon (1979) - A  cluttered, all-star dystopian comedy. Elvis Costello, MeatLoaf and  the  BeachBoys  contribute. Chief Dan George plays America's richest man, head  of NIKE - National Indian Knitting Enterprises,  Fred  Willard starts his run of rubbish comedies,  and Richard  O'Sullivan USA himself,  John  Ritter  is  the absurdly young  president, and  Harvey  Korman  is a bigender sitcom star.

Ratataplan (1979) - A  surrealist, charming,  irritating Italian thing from actor/former Mr. Rossi animator Maurizio Nichetti. Very Vision  On. Features  a Giorgio White.

Space Firebird 2772 (1980) - Nicely  done anime, similar to Space Battleship Yamato (1977). But  anime has never  appealed much.

La Dinastio Dracula (1980)- Sub-Naschy    Mexican horror.

The Bushido Blade (1981) - Bland unexciting Yorkshire TV-Rankin/Bass-Toho  coproduced   Samurai film.  Yorkshire/Tyne-Tees are probably why there's a minstrel show in it.

Memoirs of a Survivor (1981)  -  Dreary,  pervy timeslip  fantasy set in a Quatermass  Conclusion-type  future.

The Philadelphia Experiment (1984) - Dreadful, cheap non-event, basically  Goodnight Sweetheart in reverse. Amazing video art, though that  I stared many times at my uncle's house.

Frankenstein's Great Aunt Tillie (1984) - Wig action for Pleasence.

Iceman (1984) - I remember my  mum switching onto this,and thinking  it silly. I kind of agree, though  the ending is moving and  brilliantly staged  though contusing.

Ghostriders (1987) - Regional produced Texan horror-western. Not good, releasedby Prism. Looks shot on video. Weirdly co-stars a childhood friend of my dad.

The  Wonderful Ice Cream Suit (1998) - VeryTV-ish  but  perfectly nice Bradbury  adap.


Car Wash (1976)- An  amiable but  not exactly rib-tickling comedy,  that for non-American audiences, is merely  a vehicle for a theme song.

BeatStreet (1984)- Again a  valuable document of a time in African-American society, but  not  a great film. Basically a  revue.

A Chorus of Disapproval (1989)-    Odd Winner-Ayckbourn comedy. Delightfully   strange Anthony  Hopkins,     but a  weird beige  atmosphere befitting the  late 80s  film industry.

Saturday 1 June 2019

Will Hay 12


Where There's A Will (1936 - B/W) - Will Hay farce starts promisingly, descends into running about.

Boys Will Be Boys (1935 - B/W) is mostly baffling patter with Gordon Harker, but nice to see Norma Varden, before her move west.

Radio Parade of  1935  (1935) -  Will Hay plays it straight in  a futuristic  farce  set at the NBC, a BBC manque. A  dystopian comedy revue with Helen "Mina"  Chandler and  weird sequences in colour.

Windbag  the  Sailor (1936 - B/W) -  Redone as Old Bones, some fun stunts, but turns slowly to proto-Spencer and Hill stereotyped jungle stuff.

Oh, Mr. Porter (1936 - B/W)  - "Limerick, home  of poetry". A bit of a slog. But there is good stuff in there. And it's  about Norn Iron Railways.

Good Morning, Boys (1937- B/W) - Schoolboy routines padded out with music  routines.  Lilli  Palmer!


Convict  99 (1938  - B/W) -  Prison  comedy,  Moffat miscast as a guard, Googie Withers shoehorned in, while there is some  nice proto-Porridge stuff, but it's not the best.

Hey, Hey USA (1938 - B/W)- Has a dubiouslycreated Chicago setting and Edgar Kennedy for  US appeal. Appearing as a well-spoken young scamp is Roddy McDowall, before his move to the  US  (his trademark accent already in  place). Not  good.

Old Bones of the River (1938 - B/W) - Not one of Will Hay's best. Moore Marriott overdoes it. Typical jungle tedium.

Ask A Policeman (1939 - B/W) is better, as by now we have the trio of Hay, Moffatt and Marriott. There's lots of jokes against the BBC. The Headless Horseman effects are interesting.


The Ghost of St. Michael's (1941 - B/W) -  Overage   schoolboys including a convincing Charles Hawtrey plus John Laurie in Scotland

The Black  Sheep of Whitehall  (1941  - B/W) -   Surprisingly enjoyable. John Mills is gormless. Hay's drag  resembles  an  aunt,  Big Lil.