Friday 29 November 2019


A Farewell to Arms (1932 - b/w) - Typical Hollywood tearjerking war romance. Weird to see Helen Hayes young.

Palooka (1934 - b/w) - Forgettable Jimmy Durante vehicle/adap of the comic strip Joe Palooka.

Brown on Resolution (1935 - b/w) - Typical WW1 army thing, notable for being John Mills' first lead.

Night Train To Munich (1940) -  The Lady Vanishes... again.

My Son, My Son (1940) - Forgettable American story of life in Manchester, with Louis Hayward.

Cottage to Let (1941) - Typical 40s wartime thriller made in Britain, with Leslie Banks, Alastair Sim, John Mills, Michael Wilding and a fifteen year old George Cole.

Bowery at Midnight (1942 - b/w) - Now, I thought this was a Bowery Boys/Lugosi comedy for Monogram. It's actually a Monogram crime thing with Lugosi. Unmemorable.

Berlin Correspondent (1942 - b/w) - Generic wartime thriller with Dana Andrews.

Son of Fury (1942 - b/w) - Tyrone Power, Gene Tierney, George Sanders, Elsa Lanchester, John Carradine and Master Roddy McDowall star in this typical swashbuckler.

Adventures of Tartu (1943) - Wartime propaganda with Robert Donat.

The North Star (1943 - b/w) - hollywood Ukrainian propaganda with Erich von Stroheim.

The Monkey's Paw (1948 - b/w) - An atmospheric but forgettable adaptation. Megs Jenkins plays the mother, despite being actually younger than Eric Micklewood (one of the British Intelligence men in Kentucky Fried Movie) who plays her son and  almost young enough to be her on-screen husband Milton Rosmer's granddaughter. She would later reprise the role at a more suitable age in an episode of Orson Welles' Great Mysteries.

The Great Lover (1949) - Another anodyne kiddy-themed Bob Hope film, this time as a scoutmaster. Weird to see Roland Young and Roland Culver billed over George Reeves.

Britannia Mews (1949 - b/w) - Maureen O'Hara plays an Irish-accented London girl.

We Were Strangers (1949 - b/w) - Forgettable, forgotten Cuban saga with John Garfield, Jennifer Jones, Pedro Armendariz and directed by John Huston.

The Man in Black (1950 - b/w) - Hammer quickie with Valentine Dyall, watchable only to see that Sid James was always old.

Outcast of the Islands (1951) - Trevor Howard in ludicrous brownface-heavy tropical melodrama.

Hans Christian Andersen (1952) - Danny Kaye on autopilot. Weird live-action/ballet hybrid.

The World in His Arms (1952)  - Another generic swashbuckler, with Gregory Peck.

White Witch Doctor (1953) - Susan Hayward and Robert Mitchum in a boilerplate jungle romance.

Man on a Tightrope (1953)`- Fredric March, Terry Moore, Gloria Grahame, Cameron Mitchell, Adolphe Menjou, Adolphe Menjou, Robert Beatty, Alexander D'Arcy and Richard Boone star in a typical circus yarn.
See also The Big Show (1961).

Lilacs in the Spring (1954 - b/w) - Errol Flynn and Anna Neagle in a forgettable semi-colour musical. Features Sean Connery's debut and singing ghostly Chelsea Pensioners.

I am a Camera (1955) - Cabaret with Julie Harris, Laurence Harvey, Shelley Winters, Ron Randell and Anton Diffring.

The Ten Commandments (1956) - Like westerns, to me, biblical epics are very samey.

Jacqueline (1956) -  Catherine Cookson adap moved from Tyneside to Belfast, with lots of blarney, plus a disconcertingly beardless Noel Purcell, Liam Redmond, Cyril Cusack as Parrot-Face Davies, and Richard O'Sullivan when he had an Irish accent.

Harry Black and the Tiger (1958) - Generic adventure in India with Stewart Granger.

Odds Against Tomorrow (1959 - b/w) - Noir only atypical cos Harry Belafonte's in it.

The Story of Ruth (1960) - Generic, simultaneously expensive-looking but cheap-feeling epic, with Stuart Whitman in his he-man idol stage.

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (1960) - MGM colour version of the saga, with boxer Archie Moore as Jim, Tony Randall,Finlay Currie and John Carradine. Michael Curtiz helms a decent, acceptable version of the story, but Moore isn't a good actor, and it feels neutered.

A Dog of Flanders (1960) - Sentimental but colourful Fox dog-story, not to be confused with the Disney version of Greyfriars Bobby, which also has Donald Crisp.

Seven Thieves (1960 - b/w) - Edward G. Robinson, Rod Steiger and Joan Collins in a confused caper. Set on the Riviera, shot brightly in b/w, so it's noir one thing or another. It's almost a pilot for Mission Impossible.

The House in Marsh Road (1960 - b/w) - Forgettable haunted house quickie that resembles every other British thriller b-picture of the era.

Panic (1963 - b/w) - Glyn Houston stars in a forgettable boxing-noir quickie.

The Pawnbroker (1964 - b/w) - Feels like Corman's the Intruder, being an exploitation message picture even though it is much higherbrow, it is still AIP.`

Maya (1966) - Disneyesque elephant saga that spunoff a TV series, with stars Jay North (previously the Aryan-American Dennis the Menace) and Bollywood boy actor Sajid Khan. This has Clint Walker as the pilot-only lead for theatrical release, only to go conveniently missing for the TV series, which like the film, actually shot on location in India (and featured the likes of Prem Nath, Amrish Puri and Kabir Bedi).

Judith (1966) - Even-then-dated romance with Peter Finch and Sophia Loren in Israel.

SORREL FLOWER (1967) - Bog-standard mysterious French drama with Mireille Darc.

They Saved Hitler's Brain (1968?) - A hodgepodge of random footage, nowhere as interesting as it sounds.

Più tardi Claire, più tardi... (1968 - b/w) - Forgettable, dated gothic horror with Gary Merrill.

Counterpoint (1968) - I'm sure I reviewed this forgettable backlot war movie with Heston, Maximillian Schell and Anton Diffring but it must have gotten lost.

La Piu Bellla Coppia Del Mondo (1968) - Begins with a jungle quickie sketch, but is a pop comedy starring Walter Chiari and Adriano Celentano.

Negatives (1968) - Sleazy nonsense about sexual roleplay with Glenda Jackson, Diane Cilento, and Special Guest Star Maurice Denham, who spends his scenes in bed.

It's Your Move (1968) - Grand Slam Part 2, but nowhere near as fun, just Edward G. Robinson, Terry-Thomas, Adolfo Celi and George Rigaud in a villa.

Submarine X-1 (1969) - One of those cheap British-made UA war films with a US minor star supported by British TV actors. Here, it's James Caan before he rose to actual stardom opposite future Emmerdale staple Norman Bowler. Very ITC in its appearance.

Slaves (1969) - Dionne Warwick, Burl Ives and Stephen Boyd in an indistinguished, cheapskate sub-Mandingo exploiter.

El Che Guevera (1969) - Even more incompetent than the Omar Sharif film it is mockbusting. With Francisco Rabal as Che and John Ireland as a Yank.

The Happy Ending (1969) - Pornographic muzak with Jean Simmons, John Forsythe and "Robert" Darin.

Diary of a Mad Housewife (1970) - Sleazy romantic drama, I can see why it has never been revived, even though it got plaudits for Carrie Snodgress. It's rough.

Rosolino Paternò, soldato/Operation SNAFU (1970) - Robards, Landau and Falk in a forgettable Italian comedy.

Gregory and his Angel (1970) - Schamltzy Mexican family film about a little girl angel guiding Broderick Crawford.

Ransom Money (1970) - Also with Broderick Crawford, this is an Al Adamson-ish story about a boy with a big flashy-light sci-fi bomb hoisted on his neck. It's supposed to be a serious drama.

My Lover, My Son (1970) - Inexplicable, unwatchable tale of Romy Schneider and Dennis Waterman as mother and son. Yes, really.

The Molly Maguires (1970) - Lush but kind of boring Irish saga in Pennsylvania with Richard Harris as an Armagh man vs Sean Connery as an Irishman. Frank Finlay's Welsh accent as the police captain sounds vaguely Tom Hardy-as-Bane-ish.

Tell Me That You Love Me, Junie Moon (1970) - Idiotic story of disabled folk, with Liza Minnelli, narration in song by Pete Seeger, plus Ken Howard and Fred Williamson who is distractingly out of place.  And Nancy Marchand without her CGI-ed floating Livia Soprano head.

Moonfire (1970) - PIlot-ish trucker yarn. Makes Nazis, rocket science, bikers and interracial trucker buddies (Charles Napier, Richard Egan and Sonny Liston) boring.

Who Says I Can't Ride A Rainbow (1971) - Messy family film about Jack Klugman as an inner-city farmer in Greenwich Village. Confused. The first credited movie role of Morgan Freeman as a character named Afro.

T.R. Baskin (1971) - Typical 70s grim romantic-comedy-drama with Candice Bergen as a possibly-teenage prostitute seducing Peter Boyle.

Honky (1971) - Afterschool Special-like interracial romance with Brenda Sykes. Screen debut of John Hillerman.

Little Murders (1971) - More Simonesque drudgery.

The Touch (1971) - Bergman unites Max Von Sydow, Bibi Andersson, a shouty, beardy Elliott Gould and Benidorm's Sheila Reid in a typically cold venture, only this time it's in English.

Black Girl (1972) - Very televisual (it was made by Cinerama/ABC) play adaptation by Ossie Davis, with Leslie Uggams.

Pete 'N' Tillie (1972) - Typical beige-y 70s comdram with Carol Burnett and Walter Matthau.

 The Cremators (1972) - Terrible. People terrified by giant flashing lights.

Unholy Rollers (1972) - Claudia Jennings stars as a roller derby champ in a down and dirty, confused, messy sorta-comedy-drama produced by Roger Corman. It attempts a bit of Altmanish Americana, and yet goes a bit crazy with some unauthorised derby on a public road, and a weirdly 50s theme tune.

A Place Called Today (1972) - Sleazy, unlikeable racial politicker with Lana Wood.

Ground Zero (1973) - Amateurish Golden Gate Bridge bomb actioner, which astonishingly got a UK theatrical release. Why? God knows.

PETE, PEARL AND THE POLE (1973) - Tony Anthony and Adolfo Celi in a suspiciously  rural-located New York-set crime saga that though indebted to the Godfather, feels like a comedy even though it isn't.

A Delicate Balance (1973) - Typical, reserved, colourless American Film Theatre production, with Paul Scofield and Katharine Hepburn.

The Three Musketeers (1973) - A bit too goofy and pleased-with-itself to be enjoyable. Oddly Ken Russell-esque ball sequence.

The Day of the Wolves (1973) - Ropey though ambitious heist thriller involving a twist where the thief is a kids' TV host.

Little Mother (1973) - Interesting, ambitious but ultimately flawed Radley Metzger attempt to go mainstream, in a rather Harry Alan Towersy biopic of Eva Peron, except it isn't, and it's clearly set in the 70s. Christiane Kruger is not-Evita, while Siegfried Rauch is her husband, Mark Damon is a love interest, and Anton Diffring the Cardinal. Made in Yugoslavia. Written by a Dubliner, Brian Phelan, who also wrote the Niall Toibin-Pierce Brosnan TV movie Murphy's Stroke and RTE drama The Treaty.

The Rites of Frankenstein (1973) - Jess Franco nonsense. Zoom-shots, characters in period shot wandering about, Dennis Price waiting to die...

The Candy Snatchers (1973) - This is critically acclaimed, but I didn't get it. Sleazy exploitation crime thriller about an overage, kidnapped schoolgirl.

Cinderella Liberty (1973) - Typical New Hollywood romance-with-an-edge with James Caan and Marsha Mason.

The Front Page (1974) - The 30s in the US don't fascinate me. This feels like every other 30s post-Sting Hollywood film, despite being by Billy Wilder. The name Jennings Lang is a sign. It feels adequate, nothing more, nothing less.

The Gambler (1974) - Sleazy, unlikeable James Caan crime, clearly written by a perv. Oh, yeah, James Toback wrote it.

Conrack (1974) - Affecting, naturalistic story based on the real-life white teacher who taught a group of illiterate black kids  in the South Carolina islands who live a backward pre-technological life. Jon Voight is ironically cast, knowing his bigoted modern ways, and the kids are the actual kids from Pat Conroy's memoir, playing themselves.

When The North Wind Blows (1974) - Dan Haggerty in the snow with a tiger. Typical Sunn Classics wilderness schlock.

A Black Ribbon For Deborah (1974) - Forgettable giallo with Gig Young and a circus.

Hester Street (1975) - Very PBS drama with Carol Kane. Directed by Joan Micklin Silver.

Shampoo (1975) - Oh, feck off, Hal Ashby.

Galileo (1975) - Peculiar choirboy-narrated semi-musical play. You can tell, though that Topol will recycle his performance here as Zarkov in Flash Gordon, so that's nice.

Johnny Firecloud (1975) - Amateurish Dave Friedman sub-Billy Jack Native American vigilante nonsense.

The Bullet Train (1975) - Generic Japanese actioner with a bit of a disaster slant, with Sonny Chiba.

Bobbie Jo and the Outlaw (1976) - Generic Southern Bonnie and Clyde-meets-country-and-western car chase exploitation with Marjoe Gortner and Lynda Carter.

All This and World War II (1976) - Insane. A mix of documentary and classic film footage from/about World War Two, soundtracked by an all-star band singing Beatles songs. The Bee Gees, Rod Stewart, the Quo, David Essex,Roy Wood, Lyndsey De Paul, Peter Gabriel, Keith Moon, Leo Sayer, the Four Seasons, Tina Turner, Jeff Lynne, Helen Reddy, Bryan Ferry and Frankie Laine... Yes, really.

Lifeguard (1976) - Sunny yet inwardly grim Sam Elliott vehicle, like a darker pilot for Baywatch, down to Parker Stevenson. Features teenage stalkers and suicide. Boring.

Birch Interval (1976) - Eddie Albert and Rip Torn in sentimental 40s-ish Amish family drama.

Julia (1977) - Redgrave, Fonda and a debuting Streep in 40s-style Holocaust woman's picture from Fred Zinnemann. Shot in the UK, hence Maurice Denham.

The Baron (1977) - Calvin Lockhart does a film about indie filmmaking, almost a blaxploitation version of Hollywood Man. It doesn't make much sense, but it has some heart and Joan Blondell as a crime boss.

First Love (1977) - Another post-Love Story romantic dirge with William Katt and Susan Dey, and some football.

Stunts (1977) - Low-budget, almost televisual excuse for action with Robert Forster, for New Line.

The Dragon Lives Again (1977) - If Al Adamson worked in Hong Kong and didn't care about copyrights...

The Redeemer - Son of Satan (1978) - Odd but clunky slasher disguised as an Omen knockoff.

Youngblood (1978) - Odd, rough-edged, grim coming of age AIP late-period blaxploitation.

King Frat (1979) - Silly, stupid, somewhat inventive in its grossness, but with a cast of students including an unconvincing Indian chief, all of whom are in their forties - at least.

The Secret of Nikola Tesla (1980) - Staid Eastern bloc biopic with guesting Orson Welles, Strother Martin and Dennis Patrick.

Windows (1980) - Talia Shire and Elizabeth Ashley (as a psycho) in Cruising for lesbians. At least, being directed by Gordon Willis, it is well-photographed.

Raggedy Man (1981) - Peculiar sun-kissed nostalgic romantic drama with Sissy Spacek, Eric Roberts and Henry Thomas that has a sudden last-act swerve into slasherdom. Almost Charles B. Pierce-ish.

Force Five (1981) - Basically A Fistful of Yen as a feature. Even the guy playing the Senator looks a lot like Derek Murcott as the British Intelligence man. Master Bong Soo Han is in the same role.

Six Pack (1982) - Kenny Rogers, Erin Gray and Diane Lane try to do something like a Disney version of a Hal Needham movie. Forgettable kiddy fluff.

Heidi's Song (1982) - Animesque Hanna-Barbera attempt at expensive animation. Unmemorable kiddy filler.  A few dodgy painted backgrounds and props show that even though money was spent, corners were still cost. The character animation is significantly more detailed than the average H-B cartoon, but the backgrounds wouldn't look out of place in Jabberjaw.

The King of Comedy (1982) - Rupert Pupkin really reminds me of Brendan O'Carroll. I find it a little too slick (too mid-80s in style), and too elongated, and I can see why it flopped. it's almost too dark that it feels like the black jokes are hard to notice.

Diner (1982) - Not my thing. It stills feels very early 80s, despite the 50s setting.

Silkwood (1983) - Almost too dry for its own good. Has Meryl Streep singing.

Variety (1983) - Film4 thing about porn in New York. Aimless.

The Survivors (1983) - Robin Williams and Walter Matthau in a film that feels like a typically Canadian attempt at comedy, but isn't Canadian at all.

Eureka (1983) - It looks stunning, but being Roeg, it's quite incomprehensible. The  British Columbia stuff is lovely. Cameo from Ian "Huck Finn" Tracey. It's very music video-ey. John Boorman said it was "the best picture ever made - for an hour", before it dilutes into a tedious courtroom drama with Norman Beaton and Emrys James.

Angelo My Love (1983) - Peculiar docudrama starring actual Manhattan Romani, directed by Robert Duvall. A confused halfway point between drama and reality.

Christine (1983) - The choice of un-50s music for the flashback doesn't work. It feels a bit goofy, Robert Prosky is great, but it feels like a Tales from the Darkside segment.

Better off Dead (1985) - Some bits of invention, but a mostly insufferable teen comedy. The animation helps.

The Lonely Passion of Judith Hearne (1987) - The first of that initial whirl of prestige Irish films that dominate the scene today. This is bolstered by an underrated and underseen Maggie Smith performance, doing a perfect Irish accent. For once, Bob Hoskins' American accent works, because he's not actually American. He's an Irishman who went to New York and now won't shut up about it. Prunella Scales is also oddly convincingly Irish, at the point of her career c. After Henry where she seemed to look ten years younger than she was as Sybil.

Casino (1995) - It's a fascinating story, but seeing it dramatised doesn't grab me.
Ditto Goodfellas (1990).

Friday 15 November 2019


Oliver Twist (1933 - b/w) - Stagey, melodramatic, silent-esque Monogram adap - so cheap London is represented by a photo of a screen-print painting.

In the Wake of the Bounty (1933 - b/w) - Errol Flynn as Fletcher Christian in what is mostly a travelogue of Polynesia with a few stagey bits dramatising the Mutiny on the Bounty.

The Kennel Murder Case (1933 - b/w) - The highlight of this Philo Vance film with William Powell, an otherwise average mystery is a bit where a large dog seemingly rapes the villain.

The Emperor Jones (1933 - b/w) - The portrayal of slaves has dated, and  it does feel a bit "30s jungle programmer", but Paul Robeson's star quality shines.

Crime and Punishment (1935 - b/w) - barely resembling the original novel, just an attempt to make Peter Lorre a leading man.

My Man Godfrey (1936 - b/w) - Not a fan of screwball comedies, I'm afraid. I often feel, "do I get this?".

The Amazing Adventure (1936  - b/w) - Forgettable quickie romcom inexplicably starring Cary Grant.

Curtain Call (1940 - B/W)   - Average wartime stage-comedy with Alan Mowbray.

The Missing Million (1942 - b/w) - Another indistinguishable Edgar Wallace movie. 

Pittsburgh (1942 - b/w) - Weird seeing Randolph Scott billed over John Wayne. And Dietrich above them. And it's not a western. It's just a boardroom drama.
Dakota (1945 - b/w) - Another western land saga. Wayne and Vera  Hruba Ralston. An attempt at A-filmdom from Republic.

Jane Eyre (1943 - b/w) - Lewtonesque take, basically a Mercury Theater Motion Picture.

Salome, Where She Danced (1945) - Slushy western-romance retelling of Middle Eastern stories with Yvonne de Carlo.

The Spider (1945 - b/w) - Dreary Orleans-set Richard Conte vehicle.

The Dark Corner (1946 - b/w) - Another boilerplate Lucille Ball noir.

The Big Lift (1950  -b/w) - An average US war docudrama with Montgomery Clift.

Double Confession (1950 - b/w) - Derek Farr in a quickie that wants to be Brighton Rock, with William Hartnell in carnival backgrounds, and a spastic, drunken Peter Lorre.

Bedtime for Bonzo (1951 - b/w) - Walter Slezak's mad scientist is the best thing of this Disney-ish, silly Ronald Reagan-raises-a-chimp comedy. Bonzo Goes to College (1952 - b/w) instead has Edmund Gwenn and Maureen O'Sullivan, and is even worse.

Little Boy Lost (1953 - b/w) - Sentimental Bing Crosby in Europe slop.

Man in the Dark (1953 - b/w) - Undistinguished rollercoaster noir with Edmond O'Brien - in 3-d.

Dance Hall Racket (1954 - b/w) - From Lenny Bruce and the director of Robot Monster, a silly little action-free, suspense-free cheapie, despite Timothy Farrell.

Highway Dragnet (1954 - b/w) - Corman cheapie in the desert. Undistinguished, unmemorable.

Charade (1954 - b/w) - Sub-Maugham anthology by Roy Kellino, his ex-wife Pamela and her-then husband James Mason.

The Wild Party (1956 - b/w) - Downbeat, half-baked Anthony Quinn noir. Not my thing.

Carousel (1956) - Heaven is a place of plastic Christmas stars on visible strings. The main odd thing though is that Shirley Jones' performance of You'll Never Walk Alone sounds weird. It sounds out of tune, because one is so used to hearing thousands of smashed Scousers singing an out of tune version of the strikingly different, less operatic Gerry and the Pacemakers arrangement that it doesn't sound like the same song.  Also, weird to see Cameron Mitchell in something expensive. Not a fan of musicals, to be honest.

Death in Small Doses (1957 - b/w) - Dozy drugsploiter with Chuck Connors.

Zero Hour (1957 - b/w) - Airplane from the 50s. Weird to see Geoffrey Toone in a US role.

The Wayward Bus (1957 - b/w) - Undistinguished, time-killing Steinbeck adap, an excuse for Joan Collins and Jayne Mansfield.

Battle of the River Plate (1957) - A lot of sameyness being a war movie, but the Hispanic setting livens it up a bit.

The Sad Sack (1957 - b/w) - Silly comic-strip comedy with Jerry Lewis and Peter Lorre as an Arab.

Cry Baby Killer (1958 - b/w) - Jack Nicholson in a tawdry, silly JD murder joint.

Lost, Lonely and Vicious (1958 - b/w) - A dowdy, silly Howco teen movie.

When Hell Broke Loose (1958 - b/w) - second-rate war movie with Charles Bronson in his big break.

Maracaibo (1958) - Another Paramount colour South American tediurama, with Cornel Wilde.

Cavalry Command (1958) - Amateurish color western set in the Philippines with John Agar.

Blind Date (1959 - b/w) - Typical British noir, by Joseph Losey, starring Hardy Kruger as a Dutchman and Stanley Baker.

Cuban Rebel Girls (1959 - b/w) - Cheesecake-heavy indulgence for Errol Flynn.

High School Caesar (1960 - b/w) - Corman-produced overage teen schlock.

David and Goliath (1960) - Italian peplum with Orson Welles and his own voice and his old pal Hilton Edwards, whose name is mangled in Italian faux-English style as "Hilton Hedward", to the extent one might think this doyenne of the Dublin theatre scene was some Italian luvvie.

Pirate of the Black Hawk (1960) - Another basic Italian pirate film, marketed as starring Bardot, not telling the viewer it is not Brigitte but her sister Mijanou.

Stowaway in the Sky (1960) - Effectively a travelogue, but eccentric and lovely from the director of the Red Balloon.

Paradise Alley (1962 - b/w) - Juvenile delinquents and Hugo Haas as himself in this strange, unsuccesful noirish comedy-drama.

Terror of the Blood Hunters (1962 - b/w) - Jerry Warren jungle grot.

A Prize of Arms (1962 - b/w) - Typical British crime movie with Stanley Baker. Downbeat.

Jacktown (1962 - b/w) - Grody, jailbait juvenile delinquency with Patty McCormick.

We Shall Return (1963 - b/w) - Amateurish Cubansploitation with Cesar Romero.

Girl in the Headlines (1963 - b/w) - A typical British B-movie, generic enough, but with a bit more of a budget, with Ian Hendry and Ronald Fraser.

The Greenwich Village Story (1963 - b/w) - semi-documentary variety showcase. A Psychotronic choice. Distributed by Compton.

Sandokan the Great (1963) - Colonialist, racist garbage (is this set in Africa or India?) with a browned-up Steve Reeves.
Also watched Morgan the Pirate (1960), another boilerplate, generic Reeves actioner, just a standard pirater.

Goliath And The Sins Of Babylon (1963) - Another junky historically dubious peplum.

Johnny Cool (1963 - b/w) - Henry Silva leads an incredible cast in a rather strange, unlikeable but interesting faux-Italian gangster film. Like a Eurocrime shot on the lot, like a noir.

My Son the Hero (1963) - Generic Giuliano Gemma peplum known only because the trailer was dubbed in a comedy style by Mel Brooks. Sadly, not the film itself.

Honeymoon of Horror (1964 ) - A sexy movie disguised as a pseudo-Monogram cheapie with a faux-Indian butler. Similar to H.G. Lewis' stuff.

Trial of Lee Harvey Oswald (1964 - B/W) - Lazy, uncinematic, stagey Larry Buchanan counterfactual.

Back Door To Hell (1964 - b/w) - Another ramshackle, nearly-worthless Filipino war movie with young Jack Nicholson.

The Secret Invasion (1964) - Impressively mounted, simultaneously grim and silly WW2 actioner by Roger Corman, Stewart Granger, an incongruous Mickey Rooney (remember he can play anything, Japanese, little girl, Fallout Boy), Raf Vallone, Henry Silva and Edd Byrnes storming Dubrovnik.

The Legend of Blood Mountain (1965) - Amateurish, erotic yet supposedly family-friendly Bigfoot comedy, a vehicle for Atlanta horror host Bestoink Dooley, played by George Ellis, who played Boss Hogg in the original Dukes of Hazzard movie - Moonrunners. Terrible, terrible.

Hallucination Generation (1966)  - Dreadful drugsploitation.

The Fat Spy (1966) - Idiotic Beach Party for the older folks with Phyllis Diller, Jayne Mansfield, Jack E. Leonard and Brian Donlevy.

The Swinger (1966) - Another televisual, unlikeable swinging sex com, starring Ann-Margrock.

The Bang Bang Kid (1967) - Silly spaghetti western/steampunk comedy hybrid with Tom Bosley as a rocketship-flying robot gunslinger in a strange medieval/Wild West hybrid town.

The Jackals (1967) - Peculiar, below-average B-western, shot and set in South Africa, starring Sean Connery-alike Robert Gunnar and featuring a bizarre turn by Vincent Price as an elderly cowboy patriarch.

Devil's Angels (1967) - Another rote biker film, despite John Cassavetes.

Three  in the Attic (1968) - Christopher Jones is pretty but a creep in this annoying countercultural AIP sex comedy semi-musical with Chad and Jeremy.

Lock Up Your Daughters (1969) - Irish-shot Tom Jones-y sex farce. Not funny, but Christopher Plummer does well as a camp fop named Lord Foppington. That's the level of humour. Glynis Johns does a lewder version of Mrs. Banks.

Twinky/Lola (1969) - Squeaky Susan George and miscast Charles Bronson have a romance. Every top-rate British character actor appears. And Jimmy Tarbuck as Norman Vaughan and vice versa.

Laughter in the Dark (1969) - Arty, pervy Nabokovery from Nicol Williamson and Anna Karina. Peter Bowles appears.

Les Cannibales (1970) - Liliana Cavani arthouse. Not my thing, but it has Britt Ekland as the world's sexiest priest, and a nice Morricone score.

Musical Mutiny (1970) - Barry Mahon does Woodstock.

Dr. Frankenstein on Campus (1970) - A rather dreary, amateurish Canadian student film.

Jud (1971) - Forgettable vigilante movie, not by Greydon Clark, but feels like it. John "Bud" Cardos appears.

The Pink Angels (1971) - Astonishing, terrible but shocking transvestite biker film with an incredible ending.

The Alf Garnett Saga (1972) - Despite an all-star cast of cameos, I've never found Alf Garnett  that funny. He always seemed to be a one-joke character. Without a laugh track, it feels very bleak, plus Una Stubbs and Tony Booth have been replaced by Adrienne Posta and Paul Angelis.

The Witches' Mountain (1972) - Idiotic Spanish horror with the inevitable Victor Israel and lots of wandering about a villa with an old gypsy.

Superfly TNT (1973) - Still not on DVD. This is the one in Rome and Senegal, and with the likes of William Berger, it is effectively a Eurocrime. Roscoe Lee Browne is in it too, always a plus, and he is convincing as an African tyrant, which is rare for an American actor (who usually mangle the African accents and sound daft). Directed by Ron O'Neal himself.

Mean Streets (1973) - Not much to say. Scorsese doing what he'd do several times later on, but on a small budget, in a guerilla/exploitation style.

Superchick (1973) - Crown International Pictures (who appear as an airline company) try to combine action with the stewardess genre. What we get is an idiotic comedy with dopey karate and John Carradine.

Some Call It Loving (1973) - A nice opening, as bored with live-in sex toy Carol White, Polanski-ish sex mogul Zalman King buys a sleeping beauty Tisa Farrow from carny Logan Ramsey, and attempts to awaken her. Soon gets weird and pervy with bald nuns, but there is a nice round twist ending.

The Savage is Loose (1974) - George C Scott vanity project about a family on a desert island and the mother and son incest that results. Yeah.

Diagnosis Murder (1975) - Made by HTV, and it shows. Christopher Lee headlines this not-a-horror-actually-a-boring-sub-Clemens-mystery.

The Kingfisher Caper (1975) - Boring Afrikaner diamond smuggling with Hayley Mills and David McCallum.

Cornbread, Earl and Me (1975) - It's basically an After School Special feature-length, with its story of a dead black basketball player, but Laurence Fishburne is unusually good for a child actor. You could tell he'd have a good career.

Crazy Mama (1976) - Amiable enough, with a decent cast. Basically Happy Days with gangster women.

All the President's Men (1976) - I suppose it's well-made, but it's too clinical for my liking.

Journey to the Beyond (1977) - John Carradine-narrated documentary.

Throw Out The Anchor (1977) - Interminable regional family-com with Richard Egan and Dina Merrill.

Leopard in the Snow (1977) - Mills and Boon attempt to start  a film franchise, with Susan Penhaligon travelling through (a Canadian facsimile of) the Lake District and falls in love with Keir Dullea. As much as slush as you expect.

Death Game (1977) - Shot in 1974, this has possibly-teenage lesbian psychos Sondra Locke (playing half her age) and Colleen Camp tormenting a dubbed Seymour Cassel.  Silly in that Mumsy, Nanny, Sonny and Girly way, with a Mockney theme song sung by a bunch of Americans trying to sound like Jack Wild.  Cassel's character is called George Manning, not to be confused with the fat English bloke from Glenroe. Set dressers include Bill Paxton (who was still a struggling semi-actor) and Sissy Spacek (already a name, but helping her husband Jack Fisk).

Outlaw Blues (1978) - Why am I watching this country and western crime movie with Peter Fonda? It was free.

Dark Eyes/Satan's Mistress (1980) - Britt Ekland, Lana Wood and Kabir Bedi and John Carradine star in a shitty consensual version of the Entity.

Health (1980) - Unreleased Altman dreadfulness. Glenda Jackson plays a character who Henry Gibson in drag convinces Carol Burnett is a transwoman by dressing up as another transwoman.

Target... Earth? (1980) - Victor Buono and a talking computer review Earth's history to see if it is worth saving, in a strange UFO documentary/drama hybrid. A discovery.

The Alchemist (1981) - Charles Band attempts to make a period horror, and it's undistinguished, has no period detail and Robert Ginty is out of place.

Student Bodies (1981) - Hard to say. Despite Michael Ritchie, its non-union status makes it feel rather amateur even in comparison to Wacko or Pandemonium.

Memed My Hawk (1984) - A film that once a slight running joke for me and a friend, mainly because of the ridiculous title. It is just as silly as the title.  I imagined it to be a kind of faux-Middle Eastern Kes, basically the Black Stallion Returns but with a hawk. But no, based on a classic Turkish novel, Memed is actually a Robin Hood-type bandit in turn of the century Turkey, played by a tanned Simon Dutton, the forgotten Saint. Peter Ustinov directs, produces, writes, narrates and stars. He doesn't attempt an accent, but then nobody does. Well, I think Eileen Way tries to sound foreign, as the wise old woman. Herbert Lom appears, sounding like himself. T.P. and Siobhan McKenna are unconvincing as Turks. Michael Gough is one of myriad RP-accented luvvies making no attempt to register as foreign, in his case as a carpet tycoon sheik. Dutton fades into the background. It's just an excuse for loads of British and Irish character actors to don brownface, go to Yugoslavia and ham it up. Michael Elphick gets the last shot as a Cockney in a Fez.

Broadway Danny Rose (1984) - I thought I'd enjoy bits, but I guess I don't get Woody. Though Nick Apollo Forte was a find.

Gremloids/Hyperspace (1984) - Earl Owensby's regional Star Wars parody. As slapdash as it sounds. Stars comic Chris Elliott and introduced Lord Buckethead to the world.

Code of Silence (1985) - Despite the likes of Dennis Farina, this is still a rote Chuck Norris vehicle.

Streetwalkin' (1985)- 25-year-old but convincingly teenage-looking Melissa Leo (unrecognisable  as the modern stalwart character actress she is today) helps make this Corman produced New York riposte to the variable teen-vigilante-hooker nonsense of Angel (1984) possibly a better film than the film it is imitating. Though Angel was helped by the likes of Dick Shawn and Rory Calhoun as LA eccentrics.

Ratboy (1986) - The film that killed Sondra Locke's career, produced by Clint and Malpaso. Whose idea was it to make a film about a vermin-child played by a middle-aged woman (Sharon Baird)? It's like making the Adventures of mutant Jimmy Krankie.

Dark Tower (1987) - Michael Moriarty, Jenny Agutter, Carol Lynley, Theodore Bikel, Kevin McCarthy fight an evil Spanish tower block, in Freddie Francis-helmed Spanish sludge.

Killing American Style (1991) - Oh God, a rape-revenge story with a bloke who looks like one of Boyzone on the Late Late, and a random Jim Brown. Dreadful.

Tuesday 5 November 2019


Birds of Prey (1930 - b/w) - Quota quickie with C. Aubrey Smith.

Grand Hotel (1932 - b/w) - One of these films that because it started a  raft of cliche, is basically unable to be watched without irony.

Secret of the Loch (1934 - b.w) - Ealing/Basil Dean hokum, a comedy in Loch Ness, with a surprisingly effective blown-up iguana shot underwater,

The Loves of Joanna Godden (1948 - b/w) -Another identikit period vehicle for Googie Withers.

Ghost Ship (1952 - b/w) - Dermot Walsh and Hazel Court in another mundane maritime thriller. Lots of waiting around train stations.

Quatermass Xperiment (1955)/Quatermass 2 (1957) - Kill me. I prefer Pit and Conclusion.

Search for Bridey Murphy (1956) - Godawful Oirish reincarnation schlock.

Davy (1958) - MGM Ealing flop set in a Victorian music hall in the modern day. Harry Secombe. Introduces a young child actor named Peter Frampton, who is not the singer, but instead became like his father, Harry, an award-winning makeup artist. The last Ealing comedy. Blackface follies. Ron Randell has a lot of dye in his hair.

The Man who Wouldn't Talk (1958) - Anna Neagle, a non-American-accented yet supposedly American Anthony Quayle and Zsa Zsa Gabor star in an intriguing though average courtroom drama. Judge is John LeMesurier. Also features an American-accented Patrick Allen, which is weird, because with an American accent, he doesn't sound like Patrick Allen.

The Penthouse (1967) - Another grim psychodrama from Peter Collinson.

Smashing Time (1967) - Lurid, astonishing yet also hatefully vulgar, but definitely a record of London at the time. Lynn Redgrave's turn is almost too good. She is too much the grating Northern gal she is playing.

Las luchadoras vs el robot asesino (1969) - Rene Cardona directs this dire wrestling film only notable because it unofficially uses as its main baddies, the Cybernauts from the Avengers (Steed and Mrs. Peel Avengers, obviously, not the Marvel lot).

Tropic of Cancer (1969) - Forgettable Henry Miller adap with Rip Torn on a Parisian sex holiday. Sheila Steafel pops up somewhere.

Girl on a Motorcycle (1969) - psychedelic bollocks.

Slecna Golem (1972) - A Barrandov romcom about a robot lady.

Dragon Story (1974) - Bruce Li plays Lee in a tawdry biopic that shows Betty Ting Pei as a promiscuous bitch.
Bruce Lee's Deadly Kung Fu (1976) - Bruce Lee (Bruce Li) works in a Chinese restaurant and kicks arse with very terrible production values.
Bruce Lee: The Man, The Myth (1976) is another biopic starring Li, shot all over the world. It's shabby but ambitious.

Hot Potato (1975) - Jim Kelly is Black Belt Jones in the official Black Belt Jones II.

Won Ton Ton - the Dog that Saved Hollywood (1976) - It says Michael Winner directed this, but judging by the cast, style, even some of the crew (John "Bud" Cardos" on 2nd unit), I wouldn't be surprised if Al Adamson was involved.

Ebony, Ivory and Jade (-1976) - Colleen Camp, Sylvia Anderson (not THAT Sylvia Anderson) and Rosanne Katon in Filipino women-in-prison escapee Olympics schlock. Has a vaguely Scottish American/Britoid-accented Hong Kong News TV newsreader. Rewatched.

Stay Hungry (1976) - Typical New Hollywood dreary-whimsy from Bob Rafelson. Introducing Ahnult.

The Billion Dollar Fire (1976) - Terrible Romanian-Italian disaster movie starring Stuart Whitman, Woody Strode and Ray Milland.

American Tickler (1977) -Godawful Chuck Vincent anthology comedy.

Nurse Sherri (1978) - Carrie-like nurse movie with a demonic cartoon blob monster that looks like it's animated by Bob Godfrey. Yes, it's Al Adamson.

Straight Time (1978) - Dustin Hoffman does his schtick. New Hollywood boredom.

Sweater Girls (1978) - Terrible, horribly cheap, very 70s-looking sexploitation with an oddly catchy faux-doo wop song that sounds extremely 70s despite its 50s pretensions. The poisoned dwarf herself, Charlene Tilton pops up in a pre-Dallas bit at the end, that seems to be  a sequel hook.  And she literally looks like she's playing Lucy Ewing, shorts, hairstyle, everything. She's about as 50s as a Betamax.

Rock 'n' Roll High School (1979) - It's the film I imagined age 10, but it's quite obnoxiously in your face bar the music.  Plus every Ramones song has the same tune.

Home Movies (1979) - Self-indulgent student film education project staged by Brian De Palma about Keith Gordon fawning over Nancy Allen, while Kirk Douglas plays God.

Night Games (1980) - Here's an oddity. Roger Vadim directs an erotic thriller where his latest discovery, future Ferris Bueller's mom Cindy Pickett hallucinates a lesbian flapper nightmare in a Los Angeles that is clearly the Philippines, because Golden Harvest coproduced so they had to shoot in Asia. It feels extremely cheap and it looks ugly, but there's a John Barry soundtrack, which sounds like various other John Barry soundtracks, e.g. Frances or The Betsy, or Moonraker.

Serial (1980) - They tried to make Martin Mull a movie star, in this strange, not very funny satire. I watched it, because it has Christopher Lee when he was living in California, doing a rubbish American accent as a gay biker. It's weird hearing his voice trying to sound swishy, and say "ass". It's like seeing Prince Philip in a leather bar in Texas. It also feels like a riposte to TV's Soap.

Sahara (1983) - Some Arabs have Jewfros, because this is a Cannon film made in Israel. Others are just John Rhys-Davies. John Mills enlivens the proceedings as a Cambridge don named Cambridge, but another erotic film for the under-twelves with Brooke Shields.

Fantasy Mission Force (1983) - A cameo from Jackie Chan is only part of this strange, confused anachronistic WW2-ish mess.

Surf II (1984) - Some neat touches i.e. the fake-split-screen kitchen-set don't help me. This is another teen sex comedy that I find baffling and annoying.

The Adventures of Mark Twain (1985) - Will Vinton stop-motion animation known for its creepy transvestite devil. There is something uncanny valley about his bulbous-nosed, realistic-eyed animation. His style is undoubtedly unique and beautiful in its way, but there is something eerie about his style. As someone who was raised from birth on Aardman (during the period when they seemingly did every ad campaign), I find his wrinkly clay-people slightly creepy.

Maxie (1985) - very TV-ish romcom with Mandy Patinkin and a reincarnated Glenn Close.

Crawlspace (1986) - Tight, claustrophobic, tacky Klaus Kinski thriller.

House (1986) - bland, tv-esque, unfunny horror-fantasy.

Tough Guys (1986) - Despite Douglas and Lancaster's natural charm, this feels very blandly mid-80s. It even has a Kenny Rogers theme.

Stranded (1987) - Albinos with bad haircuts and spotty skin conditions kidnap Ione Skye and Mad Maureen O'Sullivan. Actually, a family drama staged like a horror.

Lady Beware (1987) - TV-movie like thriller with Diane Lane in Pittsburgh. Dreary.

Hollywood Shuffle (1987) - Helen Martin is fun, but it feels kind of bland, though it still looks several dozen times more expensive than it allegedly cost. There are a few good jokes, though. But it's very 1987.

Da (1988) - A nostalgic but stagey thing that is archetypal of every Irish film made between 1987 and 2004, i.e. non-stop tourist board-infused nostalgia for a time that never quite existed, despite Dalkey looking nice and being based on Hugh Leonard's life. Barnard Hughes is a bit stage-Oirish, but he looks like Dublin street poet/kids TV host Pat Ingoldsby. Martin Sheen's accent comes and goes. Very episodic, just a series of anecdotes.

Judgment in Berlin (1988) - Only Sean Penn's presence (because his da directed) would hint that it wasn't a TV movie.

Bad Dreams (1988) - Bland, unoriginal Elm Street-ish cult killer movie, despite Richard Lynch.

Les Patterson Saves the World (1987) - Tasteless, ugly (Hugh Keays-Byrne in nipple tassels), but being Barry Humphries, there is an odd vulgar charm. Joan Rivers is the US president. Abu Nivea is clearly some stock footage and some roughly assembled facades. The stuff with Dame Edna works far better. It's in the same cinematic universe as Howling III and Return of Captain Invincible, but it does too much to shock. It has a talking, trouser-suited, red-haired Madge Allsop. A rewatch.

Matewan (1987) - The kind of US indie filmmaking I find uninvolving. I prefer this kind of thing as documentary.

Deep Space (1988) - Terrible Fred Olen Ray schlock with an alien fighting Scottish-American kilt-cop Charles Napier.

I Hired A Contract Killer (1990)-  Jean Pierre Leaud, Margi Clarke and Ken Colley appear in a Scouse Aki Kaurismaki film. Also featuring Walter "yes, he was in Only Fools and Horses" Sparrow, Nicky Tesco of the punk grup the Members,  Tony Rohr, Miss Marple showrunner T.R. Bowen, Joe Strummer, It passes, doesn't do much.

Cheeky (2000) - Faux-British Tinto Brass porno-vid. It looks nice, but there's nothing of interest on screen beyond muff.

Hey Arnold! The Movie (2001)/The Wild Thornberrys Movie (2002)  - Both relatively cheery, fun adaptations of Nicktoons, though both stifled by trying to get a plot of ninety minutes.

US (2019) - I found the opening fun, and Lupita N'yongo is great, but I found the monsters a bit silly, though the twist is a killer, why "Red" speaks like Bane.
Also saw N'yongo in Little Monsters (2019) - a daft, amiable but useless and predictable zombie-comedy from Australia

In Fabric (2019) - A confused, arty mess, Are You Being Served as Euro-smut-art.

Watched after initial updating.

The Great Gabbo (1928 - b/w) - A musical interrupted by creepy interactions between Erich Von Stroheim and a young wooden Gay Byrne.

Becky Sharp (1935) - Notable only for being in early color, gets across the grating nature of the lead of Vanity Fair, but quite a stagey production.

The Man with the Golden Arm (1955 - b/w) - Sinatra having problems like he did off-screen.

Sapphire (1959) - A fine piece of work. A difficult story of a mixed-race girl who is murdered when her race is discovered captured well. An excellent depiction of the British-Caribbean community at the time. Great performance by Earl Cameron as her brother. Paul "Jekyll" Massie's angrily stiff.

Blind Corner (1963 - b/w) - Edgar Wallace-ish quickie thriller, highlight being an appearance from Eurovision vet Ronnie Carroll.

The Sadist (1963 - b/w) - Cruel and memorable despite being a slapdash Arch Hall Jr. vehicle.

Tomorrow at Ten (1963) - There's a bomb disguised as a golly. - which is a good excuse as any. William Hartnell is a guest star. Robert Shaw waits until Hollywood sees him.

The Violent Enemy (1967) - Dreary Oirish terrorism paddywhackery shot in Enniscorthy with Tom Bell, Susan Hampshire, Ed Begley Senior and the inevitable Noel Purcell.

Man of Violence (1969) - Typically grotty British crime-exploiter, directed by Pete Walker, notable for a bizarre plot turn which brings the action to an Arab state.
See also Walker's The Big Switch (1968).

The Only Way (1970) -Tepid Scandinavian wartime resistance drama with Martin Potter and Jane Seymour.

A Day at the Beach (1970) - Grotty experiment with Mark Burns and Beatie Edney as an uncle and niece who find a souvenir shop run by gays Peter Sellers and Graham Stark, camping it up. An ugly, obnoxious, strange failure.

Sweet Saviour (1971) - Troy Donahue in Manson schlokc, the highlight is a bunch of middle-aged hippies talking openly about cock.

Night of the Strangler (1972) - Nasty, bleak, badly-shot racially-charged exploitation with no strangling, starring Micky Dolenz.

The Man Called Noon (1973) - Undistinguished British western with Stephen Boyd, Richard Crenna and a nice faux-Morricone Bacalov soundtrack.
See also Hannie Caulder (1971) and David Frost's Richard Roundtree/faux-Indian mute Roy Thinnes vehicle Charley One Eye (1972).

The Blockhouse (1973) - Peter Sellers does serious, but he still does a Clouseau voice. Depressing, slightly too-well done story of a bunch of men (Sellers, Charles Aznavour, Peter Vaughan, Per Oscarsson, Jeremy Kemp) trapped in a bombed and collapsed-in storehouse in WW2.

The Second Coming of Suzanne (1974) - Voxpop-heavy Gene Barry/Sondra Locke/Richard Dreyfuss movie, part of the based-on-a-song boom. It is an impenetrable, dreary, psychedelic vanity project for Gene Barry funded by his fee from ITC's the Adventurer, based on and soundtracked by Leonard Cohen's titular song.

Adventure in Denmark (1973) - Weird attempt to crossbreed a Christina Lindberg Scando sex pic with chop-socky.

Point of Terror (1973) - Rubbishy psychodrama with Dyanne "Ilsa" Thorne and Tom Jones-ish vanity-driven club singer Peter Carpenter.

House of Terror (1973) - Gaudy, incompetent murder mystery that astoundingly got nominated for a Saturn award.

Malatesta's Carnival of Blood (1973) - Insanely shoestring, lacklustre wandering about a carnival with Herve Villechaize and a drag gypsy.

Barn of the Naked Dead/Nightmare Circus (1974) - Professional-looking Alan Rudolph nonsense with Andrew Prine, not much of a circus.

Abby (1974) - The Exorcist as blaxploitation as a William Castle-type film.  William Marshall looks good in a pith helmet, which is incongruous, and his son Terry Carter is about his own age. Marshall gives it gravitas, alongside Juanita Moore, but it feels very shoddy, but that is probably because the only available prints are fifth-generation bootlegs as Warner IIRC technically own this, even though it was AIP, because of the similarities with the Exorcist. Which is bull. Because here it is a twentysomething black woman.

Seizure (1974) - Early Oliver Stone exploitation weirdness with Jonathan Frid haunted by psychedelic imagery of Martine Beswicke and Herve Villechaize. Even Stone rightly thinks it's bobbins.

Mandingo (1975)/Drum (1976) - Apparently, my uncle Tommy was a big fan of these books. James Mason's funny Australian-Cajun-Yorkshire accent is the highlight of Mandingo, a sexploitation film on the scale of Gone with the Wind. That's the idea. It's American history with tits.  But in a way, that makes it more true. It depicts the full horror of slavery. Drum despite having the black cast returning feels like a cheaper movie. It feels like a Corman knockoff, but then again, New World vet Steve Carver was behind it. Instead of Susan George doing a Carry On-level accent, we have Rainbeaux Smith.

Winterhawk (1975) - Ambitious low-budget western, sweeping but kind of preachy. Soldier Blue for the family. With Leif Erickson, Elisha Cook, Woody Strode, Denver Pyle, LQ Jones...
One of Charles Pierce's TG4-friendly westerns. See also Greyeagle (1977). Which like Winterhawk is not the exploitation film you expect it to be. It also has faux-Native American Arthur English lookalike Iron Eyes Cody. It's basically a rehash of the Searchers played for romance, Lana Wood playing a young adult Debbie Edwards-type kidnapped because she's actually a half-breed.

Sasquatch The Legend of Bigfoot (1976) - Fake documentary complete with cast list, padded out by Grizzly Adams-ish western hijinks.

I Wonder Who's Killing Her Now (1976) - Terrible, wannabe-zany comedy terribleness with Bob Dishy, Bill Dana, Joanna Barnes, Severn Darden, Richard Libertini and Pat Morita and some racist caricatures.

Cozzilla (1977) - A psychedelic fan-film reedit of Godzilla recolorised and reedited by Luigi Cozzi.

Blood Brothers (1978) - Very televisual post-Scorsese family drama about New York Italians with Tony Lobianco, Paul Sorvino and Richard Gere.

Pacific Inferno (1978) - Dreary vehicle for Jim Brown in the Philippines.

Savage Weekend (1979) - Dreary, boring, sleazy Cannon upstate slasher.

The Ghost Dance (1980) - Amateurish but ambitious Native American slasher.

Wolf Devil Woman (1982) - Incompetent, bizarre wuxia from Ocean Shores, also known as Wolfen Ninja. Sadly no New York/Manchester hybrid accented supercops flinging throwing stars at she-wolves.

Oxford Blues (1983) - Typically obnoxious US teen sex-com with Rob Lowe that is notable because Michael Gough and Alan Howard get weird billing that pitches them after the various ten stars (and Aubrey Morris) but in massive blue letters together and not with everyone else, to show they are more prestigious. `

The Killing of Satan (1983) - Future Filipino senator Ramon Revilla fights a caped Satan in a quarry.

Bridge to Nowhere (1986) - Tried watching this teen Kiwi Deliverance with Bruno Lawrence as a mad bushman before. It's dull.

Nomads (1986) - Who thought Pierce Brosnan could do a French accent? He can't even do an Irish accent. Typical 80s video market-aimed music video-like dross by John McTiernan.

Jack's Back (1988) - Jack the Ripper copycat killer James Spader is pursued by cop James Spader. Very 80s cable filler. I.e. most of it is there to be fast-forwarded.

Zits (1988) - Plain kidvid about a Goonies-ish band of kids involved in KGB espionage.

I bought A Vampire Motorcycle (1990) - Neil Morrissey plagiarises Brain Damage. If Frank Henenlotter directed an episode of Boon.

Catholics (-1973) - Ultimately unsuccessful Irish HTV religious dystopia.

The Dain Curse (-1978) - Even in three hour cut down form, this Dashiell Hammett miniseries with James Coburn and lots of fake Britoid accents feels overstretched.

Rainy Day Woman (-1984) - Rustic Play for Today that still can't get beyond the rural BBC perimeters despite supernatural ambition.

Westinghouse Studio One - The Rabbit and A Bolt of Lightning, on crappy watermarked Alpha Video prints. Which negates any quality. Everything sounds and looks like dinner theatre witnessed from a distance.

Seen on

American Madness (1932 - b/w) - I don't think 30s America appeals to me.

Great Expectations (1934 - b/w) - Tacky, very American, almost Huck Finn-like depiction of Victorian Britain on the Universal lot. Valerie Hobson and Francis L. Sullivan appear in a premonition of Lean.

No Orchids for Miss Blandish (1948 - b/w) -A silly faux-American gangster epic with musical sequences.

Svengali (1954) - Oddly Hammeresque, but pre-Hammer. Hildegarde Neff seems too hard-faced, too world-weary for innocent Trilby.

Gorath (1963) - Another Toho rehash of a disaster.

Dr. Crippen (1963 - b/w) - Rather staid perioder, with a cheery period tone against the grim story. Pleasence doesn't sound American.

Father Goose (1964) - Overlong, sub-Disney thing about Cary Grant, Leslie Caron and some posh schoolgirls.

Hotel Paradiso (1966) - Annoying farce with Alec Guinness and a wasted cast wandering around an artificial Paris doing "eccentric" performances.

The Big Silence (1968) - The most pessimistic, nihilistic but rather beautiful western made. Great Morricone soundtrack.

The Cats (1968) - Alias the Bastards. A Giuliano Gemma-Klaus Kinski spaghetti western set in the present.

Mrs. Brown You've Got A Lovely Daughter (1968) - Oh Jesus, Herman's Hermits go around Manchester with a greyhound. Cloying, barking musical that is an ode to swinging Manchester.

Alex in Wonderland (1970) - Self-indulgent, boring art by Paul Mazursky about a brilliant arty filmmaker played by Donald Sutherland. Twaddle.

The Weekend Murders (1970) - Strange faux almost-British Italian comedy whodunnit, not a typical giallo, but something resembling the drama bits from Jon Pertwee's Whodunnit (created by Lance Percival,) or the Richard Madeley Cluedo show, with a few British character faces including Lance Percival and the otherwise dubbed Chris "Eric Pollard from Emmerdale" Chittell, Ballard Berkeley and Richard Caldicot plus various Europeans trying to pass themselves off as English. Gastone Moschin is basically Colin Welland. Like a lot of continental thrillers set in Britain, it actually makes the effort to have a black character in the mix. The old dowager character is very unconvincingly aged. It is a mess, going from silly Italian comedy to gore-strewn, voyeuristic stuff more common in Italian horror. Characters keep pretending to be bloodily eviscerated. The ending plays a potentially bleak, nihilistic conclusion for Abbott and Costello-ish jazzy guitar-soundtracked laughs.

Horror of the Blood Monsters (1970) - A potentially interesting melange of pulp imagery done for nothing with no enthusiasm and lots of stock footage, badly recolored. John Carradine tries, but this is another Al Adamson mass of padding.

The Cat O'Nine Tails (1971) - Early Argento, nice score, but very contrived. Basically a crime film with giallo/krimi overtones. Not quite my thing.

The Strange Vice of Mrs. Wardh (1971) - It's a load of nonsense, being a giallo. Well-photographed nonsense, but still utterly ridiculous.

Hell's Bloody Devils (1972?) - Typical Al Adamson melting pot of unfinished nonsense.  Spies, bikers and Brod Crawford c.his appearance on the Late Late.

Lepke (1974) - Tony Curtis plays a Jewish gangster in this pre-Cannon Menahem Golan film. Nothing special, feels slightly above Roger Corman's similar gangster schlock. The period settings look comparatively lush. Features former JFK impersonator Vaughn Meader as Walter Winchell, and Britain's finest thesp, Clement von Franckenstein as Bugsy Siegel.

The Human Factor (1975) - A rather uneventful Italian Eurocrime, sponsored by Mattesson's Sausages (I'm not making this up) starring George Kennedy as an early internet pioneer who is targeted and goes Bronson after his family (including Danny Huston) are murdered. With John Mills, Barry Sullivan, Raf Vallone, Rita Tushingham, and Shane Rimmer. A nice Morricone soundtrack.

The Magician of Lublin (1979) - Terrible Golan-Globus Jewish period drama with Alan Arkin, Shelley Winters, Louise Fletcher, Valerie Perrine and Lou Jacobi going oh-vey-the-top as Kate Bush sings. Arkin thinks he can fly.

Five Days One Summer (1982) - Connery does incest in a weirdly sexless film, going more Merchant-Ivory than Just Jaecken. Dreary. Yes, I overuse that term, but this is dreary, because it is about mountaineering.

Rewatched Yves Montand in Le Menace. Great truck-stunt at the end.