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Birds of Prey (1930 - b/w) - Quota quickie with C. Aubrey Smith.

Grand Hotel (1932 - b/w) - One of these films that because it started a  raft of cliche, is basically unable to be watched without irony.

Secret of the Loch (1934 - b.w) - Ealing/Basil Dean hokum, a comedy in Loch Ness, with a surprisingly effective blown-up iguana shot underwater,

The Loves of Joanna Godden (1948 - b/w) -Another identikit period vehicle for Googie Withers.

Ghost Ship (1952 - b/w) - Dermot Walsh and Hazel Court in another mundane maritime thriller. Lots of waiting around train stations.

Quatermass Xperiment (1955)/Quatermass 2 (1957) - Kill me. I prefer Pit and Conclusion.

Search for Bridey Murphy (1956) - Godawful Oirish reincarnation schlock.

Davy (1958) - MGM Ealing flop set in a Victorian music hall in the modern day. Harry Secombe. Introduces a young child actor named Peter Frampton, who is not the singer, but instead became like his father, Harry, an award-winning makeup artist. The last Ealing comedy. Blackface follies. Ron Randell has a lot of dye in his hair.

The Man who Wouldn't Talk (1958) - Anna Neagle, a non-American-accented yet supposedly American Anthony Quayle and Zsa Zsa Gabor star in an intriguing though average courtroom drama. Judge is John LeMesurier. Also features an American-accented Patrick Allen, which is weird, because with an American accent, he doesn't sound like Patrick Allen.

The Penthouse (1967) - Another grim psychodrama from Peter Collinson.

Smashing Time (1967) - Lurid, astonishing yet also hatefully vulgar, but definitely a record of London at the time. Lynn Redgrave's turn is almost too good. She is too much the grating Northern gal she is playing.

Las luchadoras vs el robot asesino (1969) - Rene Cardona directs this dire wrestling film only notable because it unofficially uses as its main baddies, the Cybernauts from the Avengers (Steed and Mrs. Peel Avengers, obviously, not the Marvel lot).

Tropic of Cancer (1969) - Forgettable Henry Miller adap with Rip Torn on a Parisian sex holiday. Sheila Steafel pops up somewhere.

Girl on a Motorcycle (1969) - psychedelic bollocks.

Slecna Golem (1972) - A Barrandov romcom about a robot lady.

Dragon Story (1974) - Bruce Li plays Lee in a tawdry biopic that shows Betty Ting Pei as a promiscuous bitch.
Bruce Lee's Deadly Kung Fu (1976) - Bruce Lee (Bruce Li) works in a Chinese restaurant and kicks arse with very terrible production values.
Bruce Lee: The Man, The Myth (1976) is another biopic starring Li, shot all over the world. It's shabby but ambitious.

Hot Potato (1975) - Jim Kelly is Black Belt Jones in the official Black Belt Jones II.

Won Ton Ton - the Dog that Saved Hollywood (1976) - It says Michael Winner directed this, but judging by the cast, style, even some of the crew (John "Bud" Cardos" on 2nd unit), I wouldn't be surprised if Al Adamson was involved.

Ebony, Ivory and Jade (-1976) - Colleen Camp, Sylvia Anderson (not THAT Sylvia Anderson) and Rosanne Katon in Filipino women-in-prison escapee Olympics schlock. Has a vaguely Scottish American/Britoid-accented Hong Kong News TV newsreader. Rewatched.

Stay Hungry (1976) - Typical New Hollywood dreary-whimsy from Bob Rafelson. Introducing Ahnult.


The Billion Dollar Fire (1976) - Terrible Romanian-Italian disaster movie starring Stuart Whitman, Woody Strode and Ray Milland.

American Tickler (1977) -Godawful Chuck Vincent anthology comedy.

Nurse Sherri (1978) - Carrie-like nurse movie with a demonic cartoon blob monster that looks like it's animated by Bob Godfrey. Yes, it's Al Adamson.

Straight Time (1978) - Dustin Hoffman does his schtick. New Hollywood boredom.

Sweater Girls (1978) - Terrible, horribly cheap, very 70s-looking sexploitation with an oddly catchy faux-doo wop song that sounds extremely 70s despite its 50s pretensions. The poisoned dwarf herself, Charlene Tilton pops up in a pre-Dallas bit at the end, that seems to be  a sequel hook.  And she literally looks like she's playing Lucy Ewing, shorts, hairstyle, everything. She's about as 50s as a Betamax.

Rock 'n' Roll High School (1979) - It's the film I imagined age 10, but it's quite obnoxiously in your face bar the music.  Plus every Ramones song has the same tune.

Home Movies (1979) - Self-indulgent student film education project staged by Brian De Palma about Keith Gordon fawning over Nancy Allen, while Kirk Douglas plays God.

Night Games (1980) - Here's an oddity. Roger Vadim directs an erotic thriller where his latest discovery, future Ferris Bueller's mom Cindy Pickett hallucinates a lesbian flapper nightmare in a Los Angeles that is clearly the Philippines, because Golden Harvest coproduced so they had to shoot in Asia. It feels extremely cheap and it looks ugly, but there's a John Barry soundtrack, which sounds like various other John Barry soundtracks, e.g. Frances or The Betsy, or Moonraker.

Serial (1980) - They tried to make Martin Mull a movie star, in this strange, not very funny satire. I watched it, because it has Christopher Lee when he was living in California, doing a rubbish American accent as a gay biker. It's weird hearing his voice trying to sound swishy, and say "ass". It's like seeing Prince Philip in a leather bar in Texas. It also feels like a riposte to TV's Soap.

Sahara (1983) - Some Arabs have Jewfros, because this is a Cannon film made in Israel. Others are just John Rhys-Davies. John Mills enlivens the proceedings as a Cambridge don named Cambridge, but another erotic film for the under-twelves with Brooke Shields.

Fantasy Mission Force (1983) - A cameo from Jackie Chan is only part of this strange, confused anachronistic WW2-ish mess.

Surf II (1984) - Some neat touches i.e. the fake-split-screen kitchen-set don't help me. This is another teen sex comedy that I find baffling and annoying.

The Adventures of Mark Twain (1985) - Will Vinton stop-motion animation known for its creepy transvestite devil. There is something uncanny valley about his bulbous-nosed, realistic-eyed animation. His style is undoubtedly unique and beautiful in its way, but there is something eerie about his style. As someone who was raised from birth on Aardman (during the period when they seemingly did every ad campaign), I find his wrinkly clay-people slightly creepy.

Maxie (1985) - very TV-ish romcom with Mandy Patinkin and a reincarnated Glenn Close.

Crawlspace (1986) - Tight, claustrophobic, tacky Klaus Kinski thriller.

House (1986) - bland, tv-esque, unfunny horror-fantasy.

Tough Guys (1986) - Despite Douglas and Lancaster's natural charm, this feels very blandly mid-80s. It even has a Kenny Rogers theme.

Stranded (1987) - Albinos with bad haircuts and spotty skin conditions kidnap Ione Skye and Mad Maureen O'Sullivan. Actually, a family drama staged like a horror.

Lady Beware (1987) - TV-movie like thriller with Diane Lane in Pittsburgh. Dreary.

Hollywood Shuffle (1987) - Helen Martin is fun, but it feels kind of bland, though it still looks several dozen times more expensive than it allegedly cost. There are a few good jokes, though. But it's very 1987.

Da (1988) - A nostalgic but stagey thing that is archetypal of every Irish film made between 1987 and 2004, i.e. non-stop tourist board-infused nostalgia for a time that never quite existed, despite Dalkey looking nice and being based on Hugh Leonard's life. Barnard Hughes is a bit stage-Oirish, but he looks like Dublin street poet/kids TV host Pat Ingoldsby. Martin Sheen's accent comes and goes. Very episodic, just a series of anecdotes.


Judgment in Berlin (1988) - Only Sean Penn's presence (because his da directed) would hint that it wasn't a TV movie.

Bad Dreams (1988) - Bland, unoriginal Elm Street-ish cult killer movie, despite Richard Lynch.

Les Patterson Saves the World (1987) - Tasteless, ugly (Hugh Keays-Byrne in nipple tassels), but being Barry Humphries, there is an odd vulgar charm. Joan Rivers is the US president. Abu Nivea is clearly some stock footage and some roughly assembled facades. The stuff with Dame Edna works far better. It's in the same cinematic universe as Howling III and Return of Captain Invincible, but it does too much to shock. It has a talking, trouser-suited, red-haired Madge Allsop. A rewatch.

Matewan (1987) - The kind of US indie filmmaking I find uninvolving. I prefer this kind of thing as documentary.

Deep Space (1988) - Terrible Fred Olen Ray schlock with an alien fighting Scottish-American kilt-cop Charles Napier.

I Hired A Contract Killer (1990)-  Jean Pierre Leaud, Margi Clarke and Ken Colley appear in a Scouse Aki Kaurismaki film. Also featuring Walter "yes, he was in Only Fools and Horses" Sparrow, Nicky Tesco of the punk grup the Members,  Tony Rohr, Miss Marple showrunner T.R. Bowen, Joe Strummer, It passes, doesn't do much.

Cheeky (2000) - Faux-British Tinto Brass porno-vid. It looks nice, but there's nothing of interest on screen beyond muff.

Hey Arnold! The Movie (2001)/The Wild Thornberrys Movie (2002)  - Both relatively cheery, fun adaptations of Nicktoons, though both stifled by trying to get a plot of ninety minutes.

US (2019) - I found the opening fun, and Lupita N'yongo is great, but I found the monsters a bit silly, though the twist is a killer, why "Red" speaks like Bane.
Also saw N'yongo in Little Monsters (2019) - a daft, amiable but useless and predictable zombie-comedy from Australia

In Fabric (2019) - A confused, arty mess, Are You Being Served as Euro-smut-art.

Watched after initial updating.


The Great Gabbo (1928 - b/w) - A musical interrupted by creepy interactions between Erich Von Stroheim and a young wooden Gay Byrne.

Becky Sharp (1935) - Notable only for being in early color, gets across the grating nature of the lead of Vanity Fair, but quite a stagey production.

The Man with the Golden Arm (1955 - b/w) - Sinatra having problems like he did off-screen.

Sapphire (1959) - A fine piece of work. A difficult story of a mixed-race girl who is murdered when her race is discovered captured well. An excellent depiction of the British-Caribbean community at the time. Great performance by Earl Cameron as her brother. Paul "Jekyll" Massie's angrily stiff.

Blind Corner (1963 - b/w) - Edgar Wallace-ish quickie thriller, highlight being an appearance from Eurovision vet Ronnie Carroll.

The Sadist (1963 - b/w) - Cruel and memorable despite being a slapdash Arch Hall Jr. vehicle.

Tomorrow at Ten (1963) - There's a bomb disguised as a golly. - which is a good excuse as any. William Hartnell is a guest star. Robert Shaw waits until Hollywood sees him.

The Violent Enemy (1967) - Dreary Oirish terrorism paddywhackery shot in Enniscorthy with Tom Bell, Susan Hampshire, Ed Begley Senior and the inevitable Noel Purcell.

Man of Violence (1969) - Typically grotty British crime-exploiter, directed by Pete Walker, notable for a bizarre plot turn which brings the action to an Arab state.
See also Walker's The Big Switch (1968).

The Only Way (1970) -Tepid Scandinavian wartime resistance drama with Martin Potter and Jane Seymour.

A Day at the Beach (1970) - Grotty experiment with Mark Burns and Beatie Edney as an uncle and niece who find a souvenir shop run by gays Peter Sellers and Graham Stark, camping it up. An ugly, obnoxious, strange failure.

Sweet Saviour (1971) - Troy Donahue in Manson schlokc, the highlight is a bunch of middle-aged hippies talking openly about cock.

Night of the Strangler (1972) - Nasty, bleak, badly-shot racially-charged exploitation with no strangling, starring Micky Dolenz.

The Man Called Noon (1973) - Undistinguished British western with Stephen Boyd, Richard Crenna and a nice faux-Morricone Bacalov soundtrack.
See also Hannie Caulder (1971) and David Frost's Richard Roundtree/faux-Indian mute Roy Thinnes vehicle Charley One Eye (1972).

The Blockhouse (1973) - Peter Sellers does serious, but he still does a Clouseau voice. Depressing, slightly too-well done story of a bunch of men (Sellers, Charles Aznavour, Peter Vaughan, Per Oscarsson, Jeremy Kemp) trapped in a bombed and collapsed-in storehouse in WW2.

The Second Coming of Suzanne (1974) - Voxpop-heavy Gene Barry/Sondra Locke/Richard Dreyfuss movie, part of the based-on-a-song boom. It is an impenetrable, dreary, psychedelic vanity project for Gene Barry funded by his fee from ITC's the Adventurer, based on and soundtracked by Leonard Cohen's titular song.

Adventure in Denmark (1973) - Weird attempt to crossbreed a Christina Lindberg Scando sex pic with chop-socky.

Point of Terror (1973) - Rubbishy psychodrama with Dyanne "Ilsa" Thorne and Tom Jones-ish vanity-driven club singer Peter Carpenter.

House of Terror (1973) - Gaudy, incompetent murder mystery that astoundingly got nominated for a Saturn award.

Malatesta's Carnival of Blood (1973) - Insanely shoestring, lacklustre wandering about a carnival with Herve Villechaize and a drag gypsy.

Barn of the Naked Dead/Nightmare Circus (1974) - Professional-looking Alan Rudolph nonsense with Andrew Prine, not much of a circus.

Abby (1974) - The Exorcist as blaxploitation as a William Castle-type film.  William Marshall looks good in a pith helmet, which is incongruous, and his son Terry Carter is about his own age. Marshall gives it gravitas, alongside Juanita Moore, but it feels very shoddy, but that is probably because the only available prints are fifth-generation bootlegs as Warner IIRC technically own this, even though it was AIP, because of the similarities with the Exorcist. Which is bull. Because here it is a twentysomething black woman.

Seizure (1974) - Early Oliver Stone exploitation weirdness with Jonathan Frid haunted by psychedelic imagery of Martine Beswicke and Herve Villechaize. Even Stone rightly thinks it's bobbins.


Mandingo (1975)/Drum (1976) - Apparently, my uncle Tommy was a big fan of these books. James Mason's funny Australian-Cajun-Yorkshire accent is the highlight of Mandingo, a sexploitation film on the scale of Gone with the Wind. That's the idea. It's American history with tits.  But in a way, that makes it more true. It depicts the full horror of slavery. Drum despite having the black cast returning feels like a cheaper movie. It feels like a Corman knockoff, but then again, New World vet Steve Carver was behind it. Instead of Susan George doing a Carry On-level accent, we have Rainbeaux Smith.

Winterhawk (1975) - Ambitious low-budget western, sweeping but kind of preachy. Soldier Blue for the family. With Leif Erickson, Elisha Cook, Woody Strode, Denver Pyle, LQ Jones...
One of Charles Pierce's TG4-friendly westerns. See also Greyeagle (1977). Which like Winterhawk is not the exploitation film you expect it to be. It also has faux-Native American Arthur English lookalike Iron Eyes Cody. It's basically a rehash of the Searchers played for romance, Lana Wood playing a young adult Debbie Edwards-type kidnapped because she's actually a half-breed.

Sasquatch The Legend of Bigfoot (1976) - Fake documentary complete with cast list, padded out by Grizzly Adams-ish western hijinks.

I Wonder Who's Killing Her Now (1976) - Terrible, wannabe-zany comedy terribleness with Bob Dishy, Bill Dana, Joanna Barnes, Severn Darden, Richard Libertini and Pat Morita and some racist caricatures.

Cozzilla (1977) - A psychedelic fan-film reedit of Godzilla recolorised and reedited by Luigi Cozzi.

Blood Brothers (1978) - Very televisual post-Scorsese family drama about New York Italians with Tony Lobianco, Paul Sorvino and Richard Gere.

Pacific Inferno (1978) - Dreary vehicle for Jim Brown in the Philippines.

Savage Weekend (1979) - Dreary, boring, sleazy Cannon upstate slasher.

The Ghost Dance (1980) - Amateurish but ambitious Native American slasher.

Wolf Devil Woman (1982) - Incompetent, bizarre wuxia from Ocean Shores, also known as Wolfen Ninja. Sadly no New York/Manchester hybrid accented supercops flinging throwing stars at she-wolves.

Oxford Blues (1983) - Typically obnoxious US teen sex-com with Rob Lowe that is notable because Michael Gough and Alan Howard get weird billing that pitches them after the various ten stars (and Aubrey Morris) but in massive blue letters together and not with everyone else, to show they are more prestigious. `

The Killing of Satan (1983) - Future Filipino senator Ramon Revilla fights a caped Satan in a quarry.

Bridge to Nowhere (1986) - Tried watching this teen Kiwi Deliverance with Bruno Lawrence as a mad bushman before. It's dull.

Nomads (1986) - Who thought Pierce Brosnan could do a French accent? He can't even do an Irish accent. Typical 80s video market-aimed music video-like dross by John McTiernan.

Jack's Back (1988) - Jack the Ripper copycat killer James Spader is pursued by cop James Spader. Very 80s cable filler. I.e. most of it is there to be fast-forwarded.

Zits (1988) - Plain kidvid about a Goonies-ish band of kids involved in KGB espionage.

I bought A Vampire Motorcycle (1990) - Neil Morrissey plagiarises Brain Damage. If Frank Henenlotter directed an episode of Boon.



Catholics (-1973) - Ultimately unsuccessful Irish HTV religious dystopia.

The Dain Curse (-1978) - Even in three hour cut down form, this Dashiell Hammett miniseries with James Coburn and lots of fake Britoid accents feels overstretched.

Rainy Day Woman (-1984) - Rustic Play for Today that still can't get beyond the rural BBC perimeters despite supernatural ambition.

Westinghouse Studio One - The Rabbit and A Bolt of Lightning, on crappy watermarked Alpha Video prints. Which negates any quality. Everything sounds and looks like dinner theatre witnessed from a distance.


Seen on ok.ru

American Madness (1932 - b/w) - I don't think 30s America appeals to me.

Great Expectations (1934 - b/w) - Tacky, very American, almost Huck Finn-like depiction of Victorian Britain on the Universal lot. Valerie Hobson and Francis L. Sullivan appear in a premonition of Lean.

No Orchids for Miss Blandish (1948 - b/w) -A silly faux-American gangster epic with musical sequences.

Svengali (1954) - Oddly Hammeresque, but pre-Hammer. Hildegarde Neff seems too hard-faced, too world-weary for innocent Trilby.

Gorath (1963) - Another Toho rehash of a disaster.

Dr. Crippen (1963 - b/w) - Rather staid perioder, with a cheery period tone against the grim story. Pleasence doesn't sound American.

Father Goose (1964) - Overlong, sub-Disney thing about Cary Grant, Leslie Caron and some posh schoolgirls.

Hotel Paradiso (1966) - Annoying farce with Alec Guinness and a wasted cast wandering around an artificial Paris doing "eccentric" performances.

The Big Silence (1968) - The most pessimistic, nihilistic but rather beautiful western made. Great Morricone soundtrack.

The Cats (1968) - Alias the Bastards. A Giuliano Gemma-Klaus Kinski spaghetti western set in the present.

Mrs. Brown You've Got A Lovely Daughter (1968) - Oh Jesus, Herman's Hermits go around Manchester with a greyhound. Cloying, barking musical that is an ode to swinging Manchester.

Alex in Wonderland (1970) - Self-indulgent, boring art by Paul Mazursky about a brilliant arty filmmaker played by Donald Sutherland. Twaddle.

The Weekend Murders (1970) - Strange faux almost-British Italian comedy whodunnit, not a typical giallo, but something resembling the drama bits from Jon Pertwee's Whodunnit (created by Lance Percival,) or the Richard Madeley Cluedo show, with a few British character faces including Lance Percival and the otherwise dubbed Chris "Eric Pollard from Emmerdale" Chittell, Ballard Berkeley and Richard Caldicot plus various Europeans trying to pass themselves off as English. Gastone Moschin is basically Colin Welland. Like a lot of continental thrillers set in Britain, it actually makes the effort to have a black character in the mix. The old dowager character is very unconvincingly aged. It is a mess, going from silly Italian comedy to gore-strewn, voyeuristic stuff more common in Italian horror. Characters keep pretending to be bloodily eviscerated. The ending plays a potentially bleak, nihilistic conclusion for Abbott and Costello-ish jazzy guitar-soundtracked laughs.

Horror of the Blood Monsters (1970) - A potentially interesting melange of pulp imagery done for nothing with no enthusiasm and lots of stock footage, badly recolored. John Carradine tries, but this is another Al Adamson mass of padding.

The Cat O'Nine Tails (1971) - Early Argento, nice score, but very contrived. Basically a crime film with giallo/krimi overtones. Not quite my thing.

The Strange Vice of Mrs. Wardh (1971) - It's a load of nonsense, being a giallo. Well-photographed nonsense, but still utterly ridiculous.

Hell's Bloody Devils (1972?) - Typical Al Adamson melting pot of unfinished nonsense.  Spies, bikers and Brod Crawford c.his appearance on the Late Late.

Lepke (1974) - Tony Curtis plays a Jewish gangster in this pre-Cannon Menahem Golan film. Nothing special, feels slightly above Roger Corman's similar gangster schlock. The period settings look comparatively lush. Features former JFK impersonator Vaughn Meader as Walter Winchell, and Britain's finest thesp, Clement von Franckenstein as Bugsy Siegel.


The Human Factor (1975) - A rather uneventful Italian Eurocrime, sponsored by Mattesson's Sausages (I'm not making this up) starring George Kennedy as an early internet pioneer who is targeted and goes Bronson after his family (including Danny Huston) are murdered. With John Mills, Barry Sullivan, Raf Vallone, Rita Tushingham, and Shane Rimmer. A nice Morricone soundtrack.

The Magician of Lublin (1979) - Terrible Golan-Globus Jewish period drama with Alan Arkin, Shelley Winters, Louise Fletcher, Valerie Perrine and Lou Jacobi going oh-vey-the-top as Kate Bush sings. Arkin thinks he can fly.

Five Days One Summer (1982) - Connery does incest in a weirdly sexless film, going more Merchant-Ivory than Just Jaecken. Dreary. Yes, I overuse that term, but this is dreary, because it is about mountaineering.

Rewatched Yves Montand in Le Menace. Great truck-stunt at the end.

118

The 49th Parallel (1941 - b/w) - Michael Powell's the Beachcombers Went Day The Well?

Give Us This Day (1950) - Edward Dmytryk noirish drama about Italian-Americans. Except it was made in the UK, hence Sam Wanamaker as the lead, but it looks convincing. It looks almost indistuinguishable from a kind of Hollywood New York milieu. However, Sid James appears. Imagine if Sid was in Mean Streets. It's that odd. It has a great quicksand death. Also featuring Bonar Colleano, George Pastell, Rosalie Crutchley, and young Robert Rietty.

Chinatown At Midnight (1949-  b/w) - Dull Sam Katzman crime procedural with Hurd Hatfield.

Experiment Alcatraz (1950 - b/w) - Dull Prison film.

The Killer that Stalked New York (1950 - b/w) - Atmsopheric but confusing little noir.

Johnny One Eye (1950 - b/w) - Somewhat schmaltzy Runyon noir with Pat O'Brien.

Double Deal (1950 - b/w) - b-melodrama which ends with Maura Windsor laughing as oil rains on her.

The Capture (1950) - A rare singing cowboy film done seriously, with Lew Ayres and Teresa Wright. Directed by John Sturges. Does a Shyamalan-type twist fifteen minutes in, as we realise this is also a noir set in the present./

Mary Ryan, Detective (1950 - b/w) - Boilerplate light mystery with Marsha Hunt.

When Willie Comes Marching Home (1950 - b/w) - Forgotten, and even for the time dated WW2 morale booster with Dan Dailey being goofy in the war. Directed by John Ford.

Are We Men or Corporals (1955) - Baffling, Wisdomesque comedy starring Toto.

Dublin Nightmare (1958 - b/w) - William Sylvester is the inevitable transatlantic lead in  this partly Irish shot suspenser which is basically like every other B-film, but David Kelly is in it in his twenties, still looking like David Kelly.

Romulus and the Sabines (1961) - A typical Italian peplum, but with  adecent cast. Has Two Saints in Jean Marais and yes, Roger Moore, who basically is just Roger Moore. And yes, thankfully, he dubs himself as Romulus.

Borman (1966) - Aka NaziSS. Obscure techno-Nazism that is actually a very boring bit of Eurospy.

Any Gun Can Play (1967) - Never noticed the resemblance before between Gilbert Roland and Richard Johnson. There are some nice Bava-esque tableaux from Enzo G. Castellari, who manages to make it decent enough though a shaggy production, despite Edd "Kookie" Byrnes' US-pleasing participation.

Today We Kill, Tomorrow We Die (1968) - Written by Dario Argento, allegedly starring Troy McClure if you believe the Simpsons, and starring Bud Spencer and Kurosawa favourite Tatsuya Nakadai. But this isn't one of those Red Sun-type East meets West affairs. Nakadai plays a Mexican, quite convincingly. Yes, he wields a sword, but that's just because he was excellent at swordplay.

Johnny Hamlet (1968) - Another Castellari western. A spooky, horror-tinged take on Hamlet. Wonderfully photographed, but doesn't go far enough into the horror.

A Minute To Pray A Second To Die (1968) - Robert Ryan, Alex Cord and Arthur Kennedy in a rote spaghetti western.

The First Time (1969) - The first modern teen sex comedy. But it is basically a goofy Disney-ish thing with an added brothel and Jacqueline Bisset.
Secrets (1971) - A pervy, arty, nothingy London-set sexy drama with Bisset and Robert Powell.

They Paid with Bullets (1969?) - Terrible gangster schlock with Peter Lee Lawrence, basically a spaghetti western with 30s cars and pinstripe suits and fedoras, to simulate Chicago.
Long Arm of the Godfather (1972) - Another Lee Lawrence gangster blandarama, though some nice Arab foot-chase scenes and Adolfo Celi try to make it something.

Borsalino (1970) - period gangster shenanigans with Delon and Belmondo.
The sequel, Borsalino and Co (1974) has Delon trying to make up for the death of his pal, but it's rather uninvolving.

Popsy Pop (1971) - Flimsy Cannon-distributed Italian tropical romantic crime comedy starring Claudia Cardinale, Stanley Baker and Henri Charriere, Papillon himself.

Fortune and Men's Eyes (1971) - Sleazy, cheesy gay prison romper.

Dirtymouth (1971) - Sleazy, tit-heavy softcore that is allegedly a biopic of Lenny Bruce.

The Unholy Four (1971) - Leonard Mann and Woody Strode in an average Italian western that feels like it is from the 50s.

Making It (1971) - Forgettable teen dramedy with Kristoffer "Cluedo" Tabori.

Such Good Friends (1971) - Dreary, pervy romance-comedy with Dyan Cannon.

Crime Boss (1972) - Predictable Eurocrime with Television Savalas.

Redneck (1973) - More Telly Eurocrime. Here, he and Franco Nero kidnap Mark Lester, and it becomes a bit NAMBLA.

I Will Walk Like a Crazy Horse (1973) - Sub-Jodorowsky surrealist mess from Fernando Arrabal.

Cannibal Girls (1973) - Disappointingly tonally all over (maybe the jokes work), and that's a shame because Eugene Levy and Andrea Martin are geniuses. And SCTV is wonderful. This isn't. This needed Count Floyd, rather than Tom Baker-alike Ronald Ulrich. It doesn't feel like a spoof, but a genuine trashy serious horror. 

Shoot it Black, Shoot it Blue (1973) - Dreary agitprop crime drama with Michael Moriarty.

The  Night Porter (1974) - Italian kink-nonsense with a budget. Dirk Bogarde tries to look like he enjoys making out with Charlotte Rampling, but he looks forced, bless him.

La femme aux bottes rouges (1974) - Juan Bunuel artsy-fartsy with Deneuve and Rey.

Oz (1976) - Camp but not very fun Australian musical version of the Wizard of Oz, with Bruce Spence.

The FJ Holden (1977) - Forgettable Aussie teen-sexcom/car chaser with Foster's-drinking teens in flannel shirts and Maggie "The Freak" Kirkpatrick.

Love and the Midnight Auto Supply (1977) - Cut-and-paste hicksploitaton I-suppose-it's-a-comedy with Michael Parks in a hat bigger than his head and Linda Cristal and various ex-B cowboys.

My Boys are Good Boys (1977) - Ski-masks and skinheads in this amateurish juvenile crime film (one of the youths is the dead spit of Roland Browning from Grange Hill) with Ida Lupino, Lloyd Nolan and David Doyle as the adult "stars". A bid for cromulence from softcore pornocrats Peter Perry and Bethel Buckalew.

Mirrors (1978) - Dreary, confused, post-Cuckoo's Nest thriler with Kitty Winn.

Fast Charlie - the Moonbeam Rider (1979) - Confused, tedious, TV-movie like post-western with David Carradine. Rather anachronistic hicksploitation feel, considering it is set in WW1.

California Dreaming (1979) - AIP try to do a Beach Party film for the post-American Graffiti/Big Wednesday generation. So, it's serious, but it feels like an afterschool special. 

Manaos (1979) - Ridiculous Italian-Mexican Amazon plantation drama that ends with Fabio Testi and some interchangeable Mexican hunk fighting in a garden shed that's going over a waterfall.

Prom Night (1980) - It's actually a weak, undistinguished, bland little slasher. No excitement. The dance scenes are padding. 

Prom Night II - Hello, Mary Lou (1987) - Almost a horror version of 3 O'Clock High. 

Prom Night  III - The Last Kiss (1990) - Kind of fun and demented in a 90s kids show way.

Chanel Solitaire (1981) - Turgid Europudding biopic with Marie France Pisier, plus Timothy Dalton, Rutger Hauer and Karen Black.

Kiss Daddy Goodbye (1981) - Forgettable killer-twin horror with Fabian. Like an amateur fan-film of the Witch Mountain films gone wrong.

Silence of the North (1981) - Another turn-of-the-century Canadian melodrama in the North, freezes you while watching it.

Love and Money (1982) - Pervy Central American melodrama - directed by sleazy gobshite James Toback and starring sleazy gobshites Ray Sharkey and Klaus Kinski. A sleazy gobshite's Winter Kills.
Toback's Exposed (1983)  is almost a twin. It's a blandly glossy international melodrama-thriller where even good actors barely register on screen, because he's pawing his dirty camera-fists on Nastassja Kinski.

A Time to Die (1982) - Dreary Mafia-infused Nazi story made in the Netherlands by Matt Cimber. Rex Harrison luckily suffers in this cheap exploiter, also with Raf Vallone, Edward Albert and Rod Taylor. Albert is chased by an assassin, while laughing. Freeze frame. End credits.

Partners (1982) - Horrible comedy version of Cruising. John Hurt is the queer who has to die at the end. Ryan O'Neal his straight partner. Except I think I misremembered the end as being opposite.

The Verdict (1982) - Not my thing, but it is undoubtedly a great film of its type. It feels very Canadian, being shot in Toronto, and Milo O'Shea actually rocks his terrible Joe Dolan-esque haircut.

Lies (1983) - Ann "Miss Amity" Dusenberry stars in a sub-DePalma though relatively stylish erotic thriller about a B-movie actress by the Wheat boys who wrote Pitch Black and directed one of the Ewok films.

Antarctica (1983) - Basically a  documentary travelogue with added Ken Takarura  and Tripitaka.

The Devil's Gift (1983) - Amateurish unofficial adaptation of a Stephen King story. 

Flashpoint (1984) - Another southern-fried film with another member of the cast of the High Chapparal. Here, it's Mark Slade, but Kris Kristofferson's the star. Lots of bare-chested shots of Big Kris here, that would probably make even my LGBT-allergic dad go stiff, plus lots of character actors - Rip Torn,Kevin Conway, Kurtwood Smith as a corporate asshole... But it's nothing I haven't seen before. And plus they don't even have Kris singing the theme song. Made by HBO. So the HBO ident pops up, which sadly never happened with any of the films made by Yorkshire or Granada (ITC is a different matter, as the ITC ident(s) was different to ATV, and did appear).

Bad Manners (1984) - A Disney film that Disney got cold feet so they sold it to Corman. It's basically the Warriors meets the Red Hand Gang. 

Heart of the Stag (1984) - tonally confused, sweetly-soundtracked NZ drama with the inevitable Bruno Lawrence.

Finders Keepers (1984) - Unfunny sub-Mad Mad Madness directed by Richard Lester on the same locations as Superman III, but without any British character talent.

Beyond Reason (1985) - More Telly Savalas, this time a tiresome mental health-themed vanity project made in 1977.

Pizza Connection (1985) - Basically a spinoff from RAI-TV's the Octopus, this smeary NTSC-glazed Eurocrime nasty feels like a TV show. By Damiano Damiani - for Cannon.

Latino (1985) - The lost Lucasfilm. Robert Beltran plays a Vietnam War vet named Eddie Guerrero (not the wrestler) who is sent to Nicaragua  to help train Contras fight the Sandinistas. Not my thing, but somewhat powerful. It packs a punch.

Static (1985) - Bland, arty religious-infused art-nonsense.

Down by Law (1986 - B/W) - I don't get Jarmusch.

Native Son (1986) - Decent enough American Playhouse, but casting Oprah as the mother of someone her age confuses.

Pirates (1986) - Polanski does Tai-Pan with jokes. Weird to see Damien Thomas, Richard Pearson and Tomorrow People baddie-turned-Nollywood legend Olu Jacobs getting starring billing, while Roy Kinnear, David Kelly, Bill Fraser and Ferdy Mayne (who has a large role) are "and", and Michael Elphick, Anthony Dawson, Daniel Emilfork, Cardew the Cad and Ian Dury (at the time probably the second most famous person in the film next to Walter Matthau and maybe Kinnear) only get end credits. It doesn't work. It feels too expensive to work. Polanski is trying to be Terry Gilliam, down to a cast of British character stalwarts. It is very clearly made by the same man who made the Fearless Vampire Killers. In fact, I'm surprised it was not called the Fearless Sea Scourges or something. It has the same character dynamics and all. And poor Charlotte Lewis. It feels very sleazy when she pops up.

Django Strikes Again (1987) - Interestingly assembled steampunk Rambo-alike with Franco Nero in his old role, now known as Ignatius (Ignatius!),  going up the Amazon. Bizarrely made by Berlusconi and Reteitalia to rival Rai's similarly genre-muddled Tex and the Lord of the Deep (1985 - which has Giuliano Gemma, a Sallah-ish fezzed bloke and lots of grey desert). God bless Italian TV.

Playing Away (1987) - Film4 directed by Horace Ové, as the likes of Norman Beaton, Ramjohn Holder, Gary Beadle, Stefan Kalipha and Joseph Marcell play an all-black Brixton cricket team who find themselves playing in a lilywhite veddy English village.

Funland (1987) - Basically about a Ronald McDonald type restaging the film Rollercoaster at William Windom's amusement park played by Six Flags. A jokey but uncinematically-shot and characterless thing.

Chameleon Street (1989) - Agitprop political arthouse-satire about race. 

The Indian Runner (1990) - Dreary Springsteen translated to film. And it has Bronson in it. 

Tatie Danielle (1990) - Annoyingly quirky French comdram. 

Bugsy (1991) - Why did I even watch this sleazy Warren Beatty vanity crime-biopic?

29th Street (1991) - Anthony Lapaglia plays Frank Pesce, the bloke who won the lotto and starred in Killer Fish. Very TVM.

The Pope Must Die (1991) - A character is called Joe Don Dante. paul Bartel appears. Silly, nonsensical, but it is from the Comic Strip.

Poison (1991) - Insufferable though somewhat nicely visual queer magic realism anthology that is a random shuffle of three stories, by Todd Haynes. 

A Midnight Clear (1992) - Gary Sinise an a bunch of soldiers freeze in fake-France.



Poor White Trash (1957 - b/w) - Peter Graves in another forgettable routine Southern fried potboiler melodrama.

Funny Things Happen Down Under (1965) - CFF-ish featurette from Roger Mirams, spun off from TV series the Adventures of the Terrible Ten, featuring a young Olivia Newton-John when she actually was a teenager.

Island of Crime (1968) - Rotten Charlotte Rampling Euro-suspenser.

Assignment Skybolt (1968) - Greek Eurospy awfulness by poverty row vet Gregg Tallas.

The 5th Day of Peace (1970) - The likes of Richard Johnson, Franco Nero, Bud Spencer and T.P. McKenna prop up another Eastern Bloc-Western coproduced war movie that lasts two hours and never registers.

Heavy Traffic (1973) - Horrible, pervy, artsy live-action/animation nonsense, art-porn cartooniness from Bakshi.

Where the Red Fern Grows (1974) - Waltonesque rural Americana with Osmonds/Andy Williams soundtrack. Basically cinematic Branson, Missouri.

It Seemed Like A Good Idea at the Time (1975) - Godawful Canadian comedy. I did not realise that Find the Lady was a sequel to this. That had Dick Emery, this has Anthony Newley. John Candy and Lawrence Dane appear as their detective characters. And John Candy doesn't register in this. This is just before Second City TV, and it's also where you see this thing that angers me. John Candy was misued in cinema. SCTV portrays that he was a versatile, funny-boned character actor, and people didn't cop onto this until it was too late.

Gemini Affair (1975) - Shoddy Matt Cimber-directed lesbian melodrama with Marta "Judy from Lost in Space" Kristen.

The Con Artists (1976) - Sergio Corbucci manages to make this substandard Italian The Sting imitation with Anthony Quinn, Capucine, Adriano Celentano and Corinne Clery actually look quite expensive.

Chatterbox (1977) - Silly,  idiotic AIP musical about Candice Rialson's talking vagina.

Tanya's Island (1980) - Vanity in arty, sophisticated drama about bestiality on a desert island, with a ridiculous-looking baboon thing.

The Little Dragons (1980)  - Curtis Hansen-directed kung fu exploitation, roughly done - for kids. Odd to see Charles Lane being top-billed.

Charley Bravo (1980) - Silly French Nam movie.

The Greenstone (1980) - Strange though unique 38-minute featurette narrated by Orson Welles where a kid encounters all kinds of fantasy imagery. Well-done. Was this a demo for a feature?

Firebird 2015 AD (1981) - Doug McClure and Darren McGavin in a cold though pacey Canadian B-movie racing film.

Reborn (1981) - Forgettable religious nonsense from Spain with Dennis Hopper.

Signe Furax (1981) - Baffling, weird Fantomas/Pink Panther knockoff with Coluche, Mylene Demongeot and Daniel Gelin, a brass laser-chicken and a Teletext Martian.

The Plains of Heaven (1982) - Experimental drama from Australia where the dad from Round the Twist and Australian Mr. Mash from Are You Being Served? Down Under watch Welsh news bulletins in a satellite station.

Tuxedo Warrior (1982) - Biopic of Cliff Twemlow, with Blake's 7 guest stars John Wyman and Carol Royle the leads. However, Big Cliff wasn't happy. No longer about a bouncer/Granada extra/stock music composer in Manchester, it's played as a would-be epic, and the location moved to Zimbabwe. It's rubbish.

Midnite Spares (1983) - Subpar Aussie racing film with once-ubiquitous Anglo-Australian DJ Jono Coleman.

Bullamakanka (1983) - Aussie cross between the Boys in Blue and the Cars that Ate Paris, featuring Angry Anderson and Rose Tattoo, Australian Savile-alike Molly Meldrum, John Farnham, and Frank Thring.

Abwarts (1984) - Derrick-like German thriller in a lift.

Treasure - In Search of the Golden Horse (1984) - Kit Williams-influenced experimental interactive movie with an old-looking little girl that nonetheless is actually kind of visually beautiful, almost a proto-Myst.

Heaven Help Us (1985) - Cheesy, bland, almost Canadian story about Catholic schoolboys. Donald Sutherland is very Tom Baker.

Death in the Shadows (1985) - Continental Video-released dreary Dutch teen-thriller.

Istanbul (1985) - Dreary Dutch thriller with Brad Dourif that meanders into another plot.

The Climb (1986) - Uninvolving Canadian Himalayan mountaineering saga, apparently a BBC coproduction.

Man on Fire (1986) - Yes, this was remade. This has Scott Glenn minding the girl. Jonathan Pryce and Brooke Adams pop up. It's a typical 80s glossy but not-exciting Eurocrime. Somehow, our Scott can imitate his ward's voice.

The Rosary Murders (1987) - Cold, unfeeling, though watchable enough Donald Sutherland mystery. It feels Canadian, but it is shot and set  in Detroit.

Apprentice to Murder (1988) - PBS-like, lush but empty true crime drama set in the US, shot in Scandinavia, with Donald Sutherland again.

A Night At The Magic Castle (1988) - Empty Arte Johnson-starring kidvid/magic show/fantasy.

Mr. North (1988) - Danny Huston-directed, sweetly bland period fantasy-comedy.

Incident at Raven's Gate (1988) - Stylish but uninvolving Australian alien-invasion movie.

Fast Food (1989) - Jim Varney plays a cowboy-hatted fast food magnate in this nothingy sex-lite comedy.

Quicker than the Eyes (1989) -  Garish but unadventurous magician-espionage saga with Ben Gazzara and Christoph Waltz.

91

Movie Crazy (1932 - b/w) - I've tried Harold Lloyd before, and I don't get his persona, I am afraid.

Laughing at Life (1933 - b/w) - Another bare Victor McLaglen-starring lump of exotica.

The Whole Town's Talking (1935 - b/w) - Rote John Ford-directed screwball.

The Princess Comes Across (1936 - b/w) - Another wacky, annoying screwball comedy with Carole Lombard. On a ship.

The Squeaker (1937) - Repetitive Edgar Wallace adap with Edmund Lowe, Ann Todd, Robert Newton and a young Alastair Sim (who looks exactly as he would twenty years later). There's a TARDIS.

King of Alcatraz (1938 - b/w) - A typical crime quickie with a great cast. Lloyd Nolan, J. Carroll Naish, Robert Preston, Anthony Quinn...

Battle of Broadway (1938 - b/w) - Another "wacky" stagey screwball-"comedy" with Victor McLaglen. See also Hot Pepper (1933 - b/w).

Unmarried (1939 - b/w) - Another alleged comedy that didn't do anything for me. Donald O'Connor annoys me.

Tobacco Road (1941 - b/w) - Sentimental John Ford tosh, does to southern fried yokels what How Green was my Valley did to the fake-Welsh.

Among the Living (1941 - b/w) - Dreary gothic noir with Albert Dekker, Susan Hayward, Harry Carey and a then-sane Frances Farmer.

Black Dragons (1942) - Typical wartime hamminess with Lugosi.

San Diego I Love You (1944 - b/w) - Forgettable Universal screwballer with Buster Keaton cameo.

Dangerous Partners (1945 - b/w) - Watched in  a dreadful colourised print that made it look like Eddie Yeats' "colour TV device" in Coronation Street. Typical MGM B-noir.

Boomerang (1947 - b/w) - Another noir with Dana Andrews that unless you like noir, you get deja vu.

Deep Waters (1948 - b/w) - Atmospheric but relatively plain Dana Andrews-Dean Stockwell bonding drama.

Criss Cross (1949 - b/w) - Realised noir is too grim for me. This Burt Lancaster vehicle is particularly nihilistic.

Outpost in Morocco (1949 - b/w) - Typical legion nonsense with George Raft.

The Pirates of Capri (1949 - b/w) - Typical Italian swashbuckler with Louis Hayward, the only novelty being that it was made in 1949.

The Mudlark (1950 - b/w) - Standard Victorian British drama.

The Man Who Cheated Himself (1950 - b/w) - Lee J. Cobb noir. Again, why am I watching this?

The White Tower (1950) - Ok.ru. Uneasy mix of romantic melodrama and mountaineering.

Love That Brute (1950 - b/w) - Paul Douglas and Cesar Romero in thick-eared inner city comedy.

The 13th Letter (1951  - b/w) - Hoary Canadian hospital melodrama with Michael Rennie.

Bird of Paradise (1951) - Silly Hawaiian adventure with lots of hair dye covering Jeff Chandler's top head.

St. Benny the Dip (1951 - b/w) - Forgettable Edgar Ulmer/Danziger's comedy with Roland Young and Lionel Stander and Freddie Bartholemew in his last role.

The Sword of Monte Cristo (1951) - Interchageable cheapo swashbuckler.

14 Hours (1951 -b/w) - Great performance from Richard Basehart, but it's a half-hour concept.
See also He Walked by Night (-1948 - b/w).

I'd Climb the Highest Mountain (1951) - Forgettable Appalachian romance with Susan Hayward.

Anything Can Happen (1952 - b/w) - Gormless Jose Ferrer-as-a-comedy-Georgian-immigrant vehicle.

Hoodlum Empire (1952 - B/W) - Ambitious Republic gangster saga, but the cardboard skylines in office scenes and Brian Donlevy as star reveal its Poverty Row roots. But it does have some expressionist WW2 flashbacks.

City that Never Sleeps (1953 - b/w) - Generic Republic noir done relatively well.

Sangaree (1953) - Nicely colourful but sluggish Fernando Lamas vehicle for Pine-Thomas.

Johnny Dark (1954) - I don't like racing pictures, even if they have Tony Curtis.

World for Ransom (1954 - b/w) - Dreary Robert Aldrich-directed oriental TV spinoff with Dan Duryea. Ok.ru

Hell's Island (1955) - Presumed I'd seen this John Payne/Pine-Thomas redo of the Maltese Falcon in tropical climes before. Usual hokum but nice turn from Francis L. Sullivan as the Greenstreet figure.

Lafayette Escadrille (1957 - b/w) - Nothingy Troy Donahue/David Janssen faux-French WW1 aviation saga. Also with Will Hutchins, Brett Halsey, Tom Laughlin and some young fella called Clint Eastwood. Directed by William Wellman, and featuring himself as a character, played by  his son.
See also Darby's Rangers (1958 - b/w), a similar WW2 vehicle with James Garner and the same female lead, Etchika Choreau. A typical rote gung-ho American military thing, but with the difference it is set in a backlot Scotland. Ok.ru.

Kelly and Me (1957) - Universal Van Johnson romantic comedy about a dog. Average.

Kiss Them for Me (-1957) - Dreary romance, not comic at all, very dramatic, with Cary Grant.

Rally 'Round the Flag, Boys (1958) - Paul Newman in a middling juvenile military-com.

A Certain Smile (1958)/Interlude (1957) - Interchangeable continental romances with Rossano Brazzi.

Paris Holiday (1958) - Typical Bob Hope travelogue, with added Fernandel on a helicopter.

The Rough and the Smooth (1959 - b/w) - Draughty German-British erotic drama with Nadja Tiller, Tony Britton (making money to feed baby Fern), and William Bendix. Bland.

The Nights of Lucrezia Borgia (1959) - Very cheesy Italian swashbuckler with unexpected sadism including a Pit and the Pendulum scene pre-Corman.

Why Must I Die (1960) - grotty AIP noir where Terry Moore restages I Want to Live!

Goliath and the Dragon (1960) - Typical AIP-sponsored peplum tedium, peppered up by a cool dragon.

Woman of Straw (1964) - tiresome melodrama with Sean Connery and Gina Lollobrigida. Transatlantic tripe. Ralph Richardson barks racist orders to Johnny Sekka in an armchair-styled wheelchair.

Father Frost (1965) - A relatively unmemorable Soviet fairytale, released by Avco Embassy.

Ambush Bay (1966) - Slightly-better-than-yer-average-Filipino-shot-studio-programmer with Hugh O'Brian and Mickey Rooney fighting the Japanese.

Riot on Sunset Strip (1967) - Tv movie-like sub-Corman non-hip  juvenile delinquency from Sam Katzman. An old man's idea of juvenile debauchery.

Killers Three (1968) - Dreary AIP rural suspense, post-Bonnie and Clyde, with Merle Haggard singing.

The Wild Racers (1968) -  Fabian and Mimsy Farmer in a would-be arty, pretentious European racing schlock from AIP. It's an artier European version of Fabian's previous racing film, Thunder Alley (1967). I always find it interesting that AIP clearly were trying to make Judy Cornwell a star.  She's third billed here as the secondary love interest, above the likes of Talia Shire, then Tally Coppola, Dick Miller and Ron Gans. Did she get offers from Hollywood but turned them down and ended up  finding her niche in sitcom? She did this, Rocket to the Moon and Wuthering Heights, plus the non-AIP but Corman-produced Paddy. Here, she's a kind of dippy flower-child, a kind of southern version of Daisy from Keeping Up Appearances if she had never met Onslow, but also that stereotype of British girls Americans tried to peddle.

Who's Minding the Mint (1968) - Silly but oddly likeable. And Victor Buono's fun (realised I'm almost his age - whoa). Ok.rued.

Lady Hamilton (1968) - Slapdash but ornate yet meaningless historical biopic, made in Italy, with John Mills and Richard Johnson there to convince you it might be British, but it's definitely Eurogrot.

Mafia (1968)  - Turgid, overlong desert-based crime saga with an all-star cast.

The Price of Power (1969) - An interesting idea - a post-JFk take on the assassination of President Garfield, and a great Luis Bacalov theme, but the trouble is the execution. Plus Van Johnson as the President is dubbed by someone else, not to mention that his turn as a clean-shaven idealist (the real James Garfield was bearded) is so Kennedy it hurts. And Dallas in 1881 was already a thriving metropolis, rather than the typical Almerian desert toytown as seen here.

Whirlpool (1970) - Desperate, sleazy Jose Larraz Brit-giallo.

The Confession (1970) - Good for what it is, excellently made. It is Costa-Gavras, and I'm kind of left cold by his stuff. It's too clinical. Still, Montand and Signoret do good.

Goin' Down The Road (1970) - A landmark in Canadian cinema, but cold, dreary, idiotic and oh so wonderfully taken apart by the SCTV gang as Yonge Street.

The only Game in Town (1970) - Set in Vegas but made in France, this is self-indulgent Liz Taylor claptrap.

A Bullet for Pretty Boy (1970) - Larry Buchanan's most decent film, but still a pretty slapdash gangster film.

WUSA (1970) - Well-made Paul Newman politica, but it's not really the sort of thing I'd watch for fun.

Some of my Best Friends Are (1971) - AIP gay swishiness.

What Became of Jack and Jill (-1971) Grim, unlikeable, goes-too-far psycho-thriller with Paul Nicholas as a thoroughly horrible killer. Works too well. logged elsewhere.

Rivals (1972) - Pervy incest drama with Joan Hackett being the subject of obsessive affection by her son.

Thirty Dangerous Seconds (1972) - Suspense-free regional thriller with Robert Lansing, long believed lost.

Dirty Little Billy (1972) - Sleazy, dirty, nihilistic western per the period. Michael J. Pollard oddly convincing as a pubescent Billy the Kid, despite being thirty-three.

Journey Through Rosebud (1972) - Dreary Indian mysticism with Robert Forster trying to channel Burt Reynolds as a Native American.

Payday (1973) - Rip Torn is good as a country singer but I don't care about country singers.

Bucktown (1975) - A beige blaxploitation film, despite a fine cast. See also Sheba, Baby (1975).

Murph the Surf (1975) - Dreary sub-TV Robert Conrad vehicle, lots of filler shots of Miami.

Wanted Babysitter (1975) - Dreary, colour-shot but only avaialble in black and white psychodrama involving a movie actress, a kidnapping and Robert Vaughn in 18th century fop drag. With Maria Schneider, Sydne Rome and Vic Morrow. Rene Clement's last film.

At Long Last Love (1975) - Bogdanovich makes a musical, but doesn't know what to do. It feels cheap.

He is my Brother (1975) - Preachy vehicle for singer Bobby Sherman in Hawaii.

The Death Collector (1976) - Sub-Scorsese exploitation nonsense that nevertheless launched Joe Pesci and Frank Vincent.

Tracks (1977) - Henry Jaglom tedium with Dennis Hopper.

Bare Knuckles (1977) - Depressing, rough-hewn grindhouser.

Delta Fox (1979) - KPM library music-heavy skanky actioner with Richard Lynch as a hillbilly James Bond.
Blind Rage (1978) - Fred Williamson-guesting blind heist nonsense from the Philippines. Also with the KPM classic Dossier by Alan Hawkshaw, like the above.

Somebody Killed her Husband (1978) - Terrible Farrah Fawcett comedy vehicle.

Happy Birthday, Gemini (1980) - Annoying, swishy comedy with Madeline Kahn and the world's least convincing father and son (with Bare Knuckles' Robert Viharo as the absurdly young dad).

The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia (1981) - Dreary countrypolitan-based nonsense, not even really adapted from the song, so they change the lyrics. Mark Hamill and Dennis Quaid look baffled.

The Ballad of Gregorio Cortez (1982) - Ntsc-blurry PBS western.

Come Back to the Five and Dime, Jimmy Dean, Jimmy Dean (1982) - Karen Black is a convincing transwoman, but it seems to be set in a post-apocalyptic timewarp.  Kathy Bates is almost unrecognisable. The flashbacks are a bit Blue Remembered Hills.

The Slavers (1984) - Dreary Canadian miserabilism with Larry Kent.

Hollywood Harry (1986) - Unfunny Cannon-funded Robert Forster private eye vanity project.

Saving Grace (1986) - "Charming", laugh-free comedy where Tom Conti becomes Pope and channels Topol.

Twice Dead (1988) - Bare, suspense-free Corman horror with hilarious 30s flashbacks.

High Frequency (1988) - Dreary Maine-set Berlusconi drama about a kid with a ham radio. Nice Pino Donaggio score.

74 - Universal roundup

East of Borneo (1931  - b/w)-  Och, another Universal early period Orientalia. Ok.ru.

A House Divided (1931 - b/w) - Undistinguished melodrama with Walter Huston and Helen Chandler about a fishing couple.

Graft (1931 - b/w) - Typical journalism drama with Karloff.

Doomed Battalion (1932 - b/w) - A wartime weepie/propagandier.

SOS Iceberg (1933 - B/W) - German-Universal docudrama dreariness with Leni Riefenstahl.

Don't Bet on Love (1933 - b/w) - Ginger Rogers and Lew Ayres in an average romcom.

Bombay Mail (1934 - b/w) - Another period Raj nonsense.

Diamond Jim (1935 - B/w) - Preston Sturges western-ish tweed.

She's Dangerous (1937) - Meh.

Wings Over Honolulu (1937 - B/W) - Ray Milland in a  rote aviation drama.

We Have Our Moments (1937 - B/w) - Tedious romcom with young David Niven.

Night Key (1937 - b/w) - Karloff lifts an otherwise dreary crime story. Ok.ru.

Midnight Intruder (1938 - b/w) - Louis Hayward in an abysmal Universal b-movie.

Honeymoon Deferred (1938 - b/w) - Dreary Universal romance.

Wives Under Suspicion (1938 - b/w) - More Universal weariness from a B-crimer.

Mystery of the White Room (1939 - b/w) - Dreary medical mystery.

Behind the Eightball (1940) - The Ritz Brothers are excruciating. They're interchangeable too. They have the same personality. Ok.ru

Dark Streets of Cairo (1940 - b/w) - Terrible Universal backlot mystery.  See also Raiders of the Desert (1941 - |B/w), with an oddly council estate-looking Arab state.

Tight Shoes (1941 - b/w)  - I don't get Runyon. Ok.ru-doubled.

Flame of New Orleans (1941 - b/w) - Marlene Dietrich film, typical swashbuckler.

Halfway to Shanghai (1942) - George Zucco and Peter Lorre in more oriental exotica.

Lady on a Train (1945 - b/w) - Deanna Durbin tries noir.

Ivy (1947 - B/W) - Average Hollywood-British melodrama with Joan Fontaine.

A Double Life (1947 - b/w) - Turgid docudrama with Ronald Colman as Othello.

A Woman's Vengeance (1948 - b/w) - Another misty Universal Hollywood British melodrama with Charles Boyer, based on Huxley.

All My Sons (1948 - b/w) - Noirish family drama with Edward G. Robinson and Burt Lancaster. Not my thing.

Mr. Peabody and the Mermaid (1948 - b/w) - Mawkish romance. Did this spawn the trope of mute mermaid?

One Way Street (1950 - b/w) - Another cut/paste border noir, with James Mason.

Thunder on the Hill (1951 - b/w) - Ok.rued this odd faux-British melodrama with Claudette Colbert set in a nunnery. Almost convincing.

The World in his Arms (1952) - Typical techniclor pirate programmer lifted via Gregory Peck.

Back to God's Country (1953) - Faux-Canadian, very Western Northern with Rock Hudson. Ok.ru.

Desert Legion (1953) - Pound-shop Antinea/L'Atlantide with Alan Ladd.

Bengal Brigade (1954)  -Rock plays a Raj soldier. Can't take any of these brownfaced tales of India seriously, especially if made by Americans. Indians with Northeastern American accents and swamps in the Bay of Bengal.

Tanganyika (1954) - Snooze.

Yankee Pasha (1955) - Jeff Chandler in a western-infused take on the typical Arab colorama, but still your ordinary Arab colorama.

The Purple Mask (1955) - Tony Curtis is an Aldi Pimpernel.

The Great Man (1956 - b/w) - Average analysis of a man by Jose F.

Joe Butterfly (1957) - Excruciating though penguinesque turn by Burgess Meredith as a Lorre-ish Japanese fella.

The Midnight Story (1957 - B/w) - Another bog-standard Uni noir with Stony Curtis.

The Perfect Furlough (1958) - Dreary icy  Tony Curtis-Blake Edwards romcom.

The Private Lives of Adam and Eve (1960 - b/w) - Silly quasi-biblical folly with a tour bus, Mamie Van Doren and the devil himself - Mickey bloody Rooney.

In Search of Gregory (1970)  - Dreary romance with John Hurt and Julie Christie. Lots of Italian scenery.

Brighton Beach Memoirs (1986) - PBS-esque nostalgic drear.

At Play in the Fields of Our Lord (1991) - a three-hour cannibal film for the art.


Plus

A Shot in the Dark (1941 - b/w) - Another identikit Warner mystery cheapie.

Tanks A Million (1941 - b/w) - Identikit Hal Roach wartime propaganda com.

Over my Dead Body (1942 - b/w) -Another identikit, allegedly comic journalism cheapie mystery, with Milton Berle.

Fly by Night (1942 - b/w) - Again, another identikit comic mystery in a gas station, with Richard Carlson. See also Hay foot (1942).

Dangerous Blondes (1943 - b/w) - Another allegedly comic cheapie in a radio studio, with Evelyn Keyes and William Demarest.

Midnight Manhunt (1945 - b/w) - Astonishingly not by Monogram, but Paramount, but you'd never tell with this poverty row-ish George Zucco mystery.  See also No Hands on the Clock (1941 - b/w).

Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye (1950 - b/w) - James Cagney in a noir/western hybrid.

Mister 880 (1950 - b/w) - Average Burt Lancaster rom-com.

The Great Rupert (1950 - b/w)- Schmaltzy Puppettoonery.

The Jackpot (1950 - b/w) - James Stewart  in generic sitcommery.

Shamus (1958) - A rare film made in Belfast before the 21st century and indeed pre-Troubles. Almost amateur, but distributed by New Realm, shot in colour, about a kid who befriends a dwarf dressed as a leprechaun. But it has no plot, really.

Castle in the Air (1952 - b/w) - Twee Scots comedy with David Tomlinson, Margaret Rutherford and the  inevitable Gordon Jackson.

Trouble in the Glen (1954) - The Scottish spiritual sequel to the Quiet Man. The best thing is Orson Welles' bizarre, not-very-Hispanic turn as a South American laird, Margaret Lockwood is his same-aged daughter, Forrest Tucker's the Yank (this is a more Republic film than the Quiet Man), heavil ok.rued. Has a scmaltzy subplot with a wise little girl with polio.

The Birds and the Bees (1956) - Alleged comedy with David Niven and the annoyingly pathetic George Gobel.

The Night we Dropped A Clanger (1958) - Identikit wartime caper, with Cecil Parker, Brian Rix, and guest stars William Hartnell and Leslie Philips. Yes, the Doctor's a sergeant.

The Remarkable Mr. Pennypacker (1959) - Clifton Webb has lots of kids like he always does, except this is in the turn of the century.

It Takes All Kinds (1969) - Silly, tonally-confused Aussie actioner with Robert Lansing and Vera Miles. Future Australian staple Rod Mullinar plays a small role. It feels like most Aussie films of the 60s/very 70s, i.e. it's basically a TV production.

The Grasshopper (1970) - Sub-Susann/Harold Robinson transatlantic tripe as Jacqueline Bisset (who's supposed to be from British Columbia, but she must have not heard the second word) becomes a Vegas showgirl, shags Jim Brown and sees some sky-writing in the air.

The Front (1976) - Woody Allen drama abotu blacklisting, zzzzz.

The Castaways of Turtle Island (1976) - A 2 hour 20 minute comedy from France with Pierre Richard on a desert island. Snooze.

Meetings with Remarkable Men (1978) - Lots of famous British character actors playing Armenians with mixed results. Colin Blakely looks like Khalid Kelly.

Hoodlums (1980) - Marketed as a comedy, but a terrible, supposedly serious vanity project for Nai "Nocturna" Bonet. Michael V. Gazzo pops up in another post-Godfather riff.

Purana Mandir (1984) - Another identikit, overlong though memorable but baffling Bollywood Ramsay horrorthon.

The Assisi Underground (1985) - Ben Cross fights Nazis in the Vatican. James Mason, Maximillian Schell and Edmund Purdom (at the same time, in the similar but better The Scarlet and the Black) look on. Cannon's attempt at privilege. Visually interesting but clearly cutdown from a planned miniseries so it doesn't make much sense.

Bernadette (1988) - Cannon's dodgy, preachy adaptation of the story of Lourdes.


Business as Usual (1988)-  A Cannon/FilmFour coproduction starring Glenda Jackson, John Thaw and Cathy Tyson, with several McGanns, Craig Charles (then married to Tyson, god help her), James Hazledine and Ian Puleston-Davies. But it's a sub-Bleasdale drama about Scousers. That ends with the credits rolling over Glenda and John making out poignantly.

The Favour, the Watch and the Very Big Fish (1991)- Finally completed this dreadful, laugh-free Continental cash-in on a Fish Called Wanda with Goldblum, Hoskins and Natasha Richardson.

74

Dirigible (1931 - B/w) - Nice modelwork in a soppy Fay Wray romance.

Skippy (1931 - b/w) - Ok.rued. Unexpectedly likeable. No wonder Jackie Cooper not Oscar-nominated.

A Man's Castle (1933) - Spencer Tracy/Borzage weepie.

The Captain Hates the Sea (1934 - B/w) - Alleged comedy
See also Hell-Ship Morgan (1934). Ok.rued.

Remember Last Night (1935 - b/w) - Another forgettable James Whale mystery-comedy, aside from the blackface number.

The Circus Queen Murder (1935 - B/W) - A variety show in mystery drag, with Dwight Frye.

San Francisco (1936 - B/w) - Typical period disaster melodrama-romance.

Roaming Lady (1937 - B/W) - Another forgettable aerial adventure with Fay Wray. Ok.ru.

Exposed (1938 - b/w) -  Primitive, ragged Universal quickie with journo Glenda Farrell.



Five Little Peppers And How They Grew (1939) - Proto-sitcom kidvid.

The Earl of Chicago (-1940 - B/W) - Forgettable Robert Montgomery comedy.

A Dangerous Game (1941 - b/w) - Another forgettable duo comedy with Andy Devine mugging.  Ok.ru.

Reunion in France (1942 - B/W) - Another sentimental wartime puff with John Wayne trying to do serious acting.

The More the Merrier (1943 - b/w) - I think you need to watch screwball comedies with an audience.

They Came to A City (1944 - B/w) - Ealing agitprop utopia. Films about utopias are boring.

Murder My Sweet (1944 - b/w) - Do I have to critique a noir? Ok.ru-doubled.

Seven Keys to Baldpate (1947 - b/w) - Not my thing, but better mounted than the average dark-houser.

The Pirate (1948)
See also The Buccaneer (1958).

Walk A Crooked Mile (1948 - b/w) - Another Columbia noir that I caught cos it was free.

The Magic Face (1951 - b/w) - Primitive continental fantasy about Hitler, with Luther Adler.

Storm Over Tibet (1952 - b/w) - Have I seen this unremarkable Himalayan Columbia potboiler before?

Scandal Sheet (1952 - B/w) - Columbia newspaper drama with Brod Crawford.

Assignment Paris (1952 - b/w) - Dull faux-French noir on the Columbia lot with Dana Andrews.

Paris Model (1953 - b/w) - Dull Paris fashion-com on the Columbia lot with Paulette Goddard.

Innocents in Paris (1953 - b/w) - Starring Alastair Sim, Ronald Shiner, Margaret Rutherford, Claire Bloom, Claude Dauphin, Lawrence Harvey and Jimmy Edwards, plus Colin Gordon, Frank Muir, Peter Jones, Stringer Davis, Richard Wattis and way down the credits, one Louis De Funes. Not much cop.


The Maggie (1954 - b/w) - Scottish whimsy, cloying Para Handy fan-film. Double-ok.rued.

Valley of the Kings (1954) - Triple-ok.rued this average Robert Taylor Egyptology saga.
Not to be confused with the Ancient epic chintz of Land of the Pharaohs (1954).

Where There's A Will (1955 - B/W) - Alleged rural comedy with Leslie Dwyer and George Cole.

The Secret of Magic Island (1955) - Barely an hour, padded out by animals doing human things. That's magic?

Will Success Spoil Rock Hunter (1957) - The sort of fare soon to be consigned to TV sitcom.

The Diplomatic Corpse (1958 - b/w) - Another rote British crime story, about foreign crime. But weird to see a youngish Robin Bailey as the heroic lead.

The Lineup (1958 - B/w) - Average well-made noir, with Eli Wallach, a TV spinoff.

City of Fear (1959 - B/w) - Another forgettable noir for Vince Edwards.

Bottoms Up! (1960 - b/w) - Adaptation of Jimmy Edwards' sitcom Whack-o. Some nice bits. But Melvyn Hayes wears walnut juice. It's all typical Beano-ish antics. Martita Hunt is the special guest, but there's a young Richard Briers lurking somewhere.

Life is a Circus (1960 - b/w) - Delayed by a year or so, it is big budget enough and Val Guest tries to direct well, but the Crazy Gang are now old men (by 1960 standards, i.e. their late fifties/sixties), and it's  a bit sad. When Lionel Jeffries' bald looks were more sinister because he had enough youth left in his face. It becomes Alf's Button Afloat  again, but as a regional touring production.

A Matter of WHO (1961) - Generic Terry-Thomas vehicle.

Drylanders (1963 - B/w) - Early nfb drama, a bit How We Used to Live. See also Les Brules (1959 - B/w).

Penelope (1966) - Duff Natalie Wood comedy with Ian Bannen in a Hollywood lead.

The Terrornauts (1966) - Charles Hawtrey gives some good reaction, but this, clearly made alongside They Came from Beyond Space to reuse props and sets from the Dalek films is a slog, even if it is less than an hour in its most common version.

You're A Big Boy Now (1966) - Dreary Coppola nonsense with an annoying lead.

The Ernie Game (1967) - Another dreary NFB drama. Weird to hear Alexis Kanner c.The Prisoner with a real hoser accent.   Kanner's Mahoney's Last Stand (1972) is more of the same.

Waiting for Caroline (1969) - Another Canadian art-drama.

The Reckoning (1969) - Play for Today-ish kitchen sink Scouse Irish gangster saga with Nicol Williamson.

Some Will, Some Won't (1970) - WIlfrid Brambell an oddly unconvincing old man, but I think it is the fright wig. A decent cast fail to enliven stiff direction in a duff remake of Laughter in Paradise.

$ (1971) - OK.rued this unmemorable heister.  So unmemorable it was called the Heist elsewhere.

The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie (1972) - Arty bollocks.

OK... Laliberté (1973) - Arty semi-erotic NFB comdram.

Le Silencieux (1973) - Rather dreary, unfocused po-faced French espionage with Lino Ventura, Leo Genn and Robert Hardy.

ixe-13 (1973) - Arty but beautiful pop-art spy-fi musical from the NFB.

Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore (1974) - Did Scorsese deliberately style the opening to mimic Mario Bava? Otherwise not quite my thing, but it did spawn a US sitcom.

Prisoner of Second Avenue (1976) - Neil Simon tedium. Double-ok.ru

Voyage of the Damned (1976)-  Unexpectedly beautiful and poignant, every face a star. Victor Spinetti (who I best remember dragging up in CITV's Harry and the Wrinklies) unexpectedly good. And then when you don't think it gets any better, Bernard Hepton turns up in shades.

The Gumball Rally (1976) - Quite fun but episodic.

Ti-Mine, Bernie pis la gang... (1977) - Another Quebecois drama that didn't do much.

Galyon (1978) - Late-period Ivan Tors "adventure", shot in South America, starring Lancashire-born conservationist Stan Brock as a conserrvationist-adventurer hired by Lloyd Nolan to rescue Ina Balin. Amateurish, badly constructed, and Brock is basically another Cliff Twemlow, but with the face of a muscled-up Johnny Briggs.

Barbarosa (1982) - A great-looking, cinematic, quite Australian western (directed by Fred Schepisi), starring Willie Nelson and a mugging, Boris-like Gary Busey.  By ITC.

Subway (1984) - Besson arty fluff, seemingly no plot.

In A Shallow Grave (1988) - American Playhouse homoerotica.

Palais Royale (1988) - CBC-sponsored Dennis Potter fan film.

TRUST (1990) -Hal Hartley indie drear. Produced by Central TV.

Thousand Pieces of Gold (1991) - Another American Playhouse. televisual, but interesting to see a serious Chinese-American western.

Reckless (1995) - grating Christmassy American Playhouse magic realism with that Farrow woman.
Palookaville (1995) - A blandly quirky, televisual PBS-coproduced heister.

Ok.rued-doubled these.

House of the Seven Hawks (1959) - Dull maritime mystery.

Purple Noon (1960) - Typical Euro homoerotica.

Liberation of L.B. Jones (1970) -  I didn't realise America had Massey Fergusons. Savage, uncompromising final feature of William Wyler. Roscoe Lee Browne seems too strong a man to be brutalised.

The Last Detail (1973) - Another dreary Nicholson "joint".

Norman, Is that You (1976) - Preachy, but quite revolutionary comedy. It's not especially funny, but the idea - Redd Foxx tries to adjust to his son being in a mixed-race gay relationship, that idea but from the black perspective is especially interesting.


Fun With Dick and Jane (1976) - Very bland and TV movie-ish.



The Pursuit of D.B. Cooper (1981) - Sub-Hal Needham hicksploitation.

53 - INC. Lone Wolf

X Marks the Spot (1931 - B/W) - Tiffany poverty row crime tat.

Atlantic Adventure (1932 - b/w) - Typical Columbia poverty row B-com.

Trapped By Television (1936 - B/W) - Columbia B with Mary Astor. Is that a miniature car chase...

Adventure in Manhattan (1936 - B/W) - Joel McCrea in another forgettable theatrical comedy mystery. Double-ok.rued.

The Toast of New York (1937 - B/W) - Amiable but unfunny Cary Grant/Edward Arnold period comedy.

The Rains Came (1939 - b/w) - Decorative but inaccurate faux-Indian odyssey with Tyrone Power in walnut juice and Maria Ouspenskaya doing her normal performance.

Hold That Ghost (1941 - B/w)/Abbott and Costello in the Navy (1941 - B/W) - The former's another musical old darkhouser. THE LATTER is another naval musical.

A Night To Remember (1942 - B/W) - Brian Aherne in another allegedly comic fedora-heavy mystery.

For Whom the Bell Tolls (1943) - Not Hemingway fan, me. Still, it looks nice.

The Song of Bernadette (1943 - B/W) - A two and a half hour pro-Lourdes slog.

Nine Girls (1944 -b/w) - Another old dark-houser with the added novelty it is aimed at bobbysoxers.

Road to Utopia (1945) - Just more excuses for patter and musical numbers with Bing and Bob and Dorothy. Plus one interesting joke about the North Pole.

Jennifer (1953 - B/w) - Another gaslighting noir with Ida Lupino.

Riot in Cell Block 11 (1954 - B/W) - Just another hard-boiled, unlikeable prison movie, this time from Don Siegel.

The Detective (1954)  - Father Brown pilot. Amiable, kind of lost in tone, too twee for its own good. Double-ok.rued

Joe MacBeth (1955 - B/W) - Dreary British quota quickie faux-American gangster take on Shakespeare, with Sid James as Banquo.`

Footsteps in the Fog (1955) - Almost proto-Hammer in style, but firmly Gainsborough territory in its manner. Double-ok.rued.

He Laughed Last (1956) - Forgettable Blake Edwards gangster-com.

The Houston Story (1956 - B/w) - William Castle takeoff of the Phenix City Story, with Gene Barry surrounded by short people.

Suddenly Last Summer (1959 - B/W) - Possibly interesting story of southern Cannibalism harmed by the presence of that Taylor woman over-emoting as an innocent. A haze of flashbacks.

Surprise Package (1960- B/W) - Idiotic Greek-set comedy with Yul Brynner as a gangster.

The Defector (1966) - Downbeat Cold War spy-er with a nearly dead Montgomery Clift.

The Royal Hunt of the Sun (1969) - overlong Incan epic, despite Christopher Plummer in brownface looking like a Portugeuse transvestite and barking.

Hell Boats (1970) - Almost more like an Italian war movie than a British one, despite Ronald Allen as second lead, Philip Madoc as chief Nazi in a role almost exactly like his Dad's Army character that one perhaps can fit this into the DACU.  Has a love triangle that isn't really a triangle but a bit of jealousy from an outside man in James Franciscus. There's a comedy Israeli/Palestinian.

The Christine Jorgensen Story (1970) - Earnest and at least it is trying, but this attempt at dramatising the life of the first post-op American trans-woman is hilarious. Director/veteran woman's picture specialist Irving Rapper shoots it like a 50s Sirkian romance, except his soft-focused leading lady is 18-year-old John Hansen, a well-built twink who although at times passable in drag, the bad wigs and unflattering 50s wardrobe don't do him any favours.

Dr. Popaul (1972) - Nonsensical, silly Chabrol comedy with Belmondo and that awful woman from Boyle/Laragh.

Play it Again Sam (1972) - I find Allen kind of pretentious. Ditto Annie Hall (1977).

Pope Joan (1972) - Psychedelic mytho-biopic bollocks.

The Candidate (1972) - It's well-made, I suppose, but  not a fan of 70s political dramas.

The Ruling Class (1972) - A sterling cast fail to hold a band of sporadically appealing but admittedly pointless vigenttes and musical numbers, which descend into nonsense, though a nice spooky images remain. Even William Mervyn relishing a big juicy part on the screen cannot salvage a self-indulgent morass of increasingly ludicrous but infuriating vignettes. Though the finale is great in its Prisoner-esque WTF-ery? Though what on Earth is Carolyn Seymour? It has a kind of echt-Lindsay Anderson feel, especially because it has Graham Crowden.

Watched all six Lone Wolf and Cub films (1972-74) plus the Corman compilation Shogun Assassin (1980). Not a fan of samurai films per se but they make gore spraying a form of art.

Footprints on the Moon (1975) - arty, impenetrable giallo involving Florinda Bolkan dreaming of astronauts Kinski and McEnery.

Aloha Bobby and Rose (1975) - Another self-gazing New Hollywood road trip with a tragic end.

Drive-In (1976) - A teen sex comedy that seems self-hating, with a fine country soundtrack including a title theme by the Statler Brothers, "Whatever Happened to Randolph Scott?" that moans about how the screen's filled with sex, and the demise of the B-movie cowboy, like your grandad.

Skatetown USA (1979) - Young Patrick Swayze and Bugsy Malone in godawful excuse for roller-disco.

The Mountain Men (1980) - Unsuccessful, strange but aimless western with Charlton Heston and Brian Keith as mountain men trailing unconvincing Indian Stephen Macht.

The Mosquito Coast (1986) - Harrison Ford does Fitzcarraldo. It's well-made, but deliberately unlikeable.


New York Stories (1989) - An excruciating volley into whimsy. Though the Jewish mother (Mae Questel)  berating Queens in Woody Allen's segment is actually not bad.

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead (1990) - Interesting to see Donald Sumpter billed over Joanna Miles. Like an average ITV comedy-drama. Written/directed by Dr. Miriam Stoppard's husband.

Drop Dead Fred (1991) - Mayall is lost in the Hollywood post office. Would make a good double bill with True Identity, in terms of "seminal British comic of the 80s gets a Hollywood break in the 90s and wastes him". It's bland in that 90s way.

The Last Seduction (1994) - A typical 90s erotic thriller lifted by nice scenery and a decent lead in Linda Fiorentino. But the highlight is the extended cut, where because this is an ITC film, our anti-heroine watches William Tell, with Conrad Phillips and Nigel Green.

Also watched Roy Andersson's films.

A Swedish Love Story (1970), a misty, arty teen love story feels newer than it is, more 1975-77.
Songs from the Second Floor (2000), You the Living (2007) and A Pigeon Sat On A Branch Reflecting On Existence (2014) belie Andersson's background in advertising. They feel like low-key compilations of ads. Some interesting. Most less so. The terraced street-train's fun. But you really need to pay attention.

131

Journey's End (1930 - B/W) - Slow, stagey, very silent-esque war movie from Gainsborough and James Whale.

Beau Ideal (1931 - b/w) - Why am I watching this dud flop adaptation of Beau Geste?

Gorilla Ship (1932 - B/w) - No ape suits in this tedious, badly-shot maritime drama from Butcher's.

Tangled Destinies (1932 - b/w) - Terrible, blurry poverty-row aircrash with from Frank R Strayer, behind the Vampire Bat and the Gorilla Ship.

Sherlock Holmes (1932 - B/w) - Clive Brook and Reginald Owen as Holmes and Watson. Ho-hum. Rewatch


The Wild Boys of the Road (1933 - B/W) - Exuberant juvenile melodrama. Double ok.rued.

 A Study In Scarlet (1933 - b/w) - God Sherlock as played by Reginald Owen barely registers. Rewatch.

Tarzan the Fearless (1933 - B/W) - BARELY A FILM.

HOUSE OF DANGER (1934 -B/W) - Onslow Stevens in another dreary old dark houser.
See also  Pathe-distributed claptrap Sinister Hands (1932 - b/w).

The World Moves On (1934 - b/w) - Schmaltzy John Ford time-stretching love across the ages nonsense, made worse by Stepin Fetchit getting his hand paralysed.

Double Alibi (1940 - b/w) - Dull Universal mystery.

Pilot X (1936 - B/W) - Poverty row air ace rubbish with John Carroll.

Beloved Enemy (1936 - B/W) - Oirish twaddle, Brian Aherne plays "Dennis Riordan", basically Michael Collins, but Michael Collins if he wasn't shot. A strange romanticised alternative-history take on the Irish Civil War, which is set in the 30s and the whole Treaty thing is ignored, but hey - if you want a British officer, of course you get David Niven.

Captain Calamity (1936) - Grand National South Seas adventure with Movita, shot in a lurid colour process that lifts it to merely passable.
See also Isle of Destiny (1940), with Gilbert Roland, which because it only now exists in b/w, feels even boilerplate.

Ellis Island (1936 - B/W) - The title is a misnomer. Another rural Chesterfield gangster snore.

We're in the Legion Now (1936 - B/W) - Cheapo Foreign Legion antics again, from Grand National, with Reginald Denny.

Great Guy (1936 - B/W) - Grand National sink themselves via inserting James Cagney into a poverty row crime pic.
See also Something to Sing About (1937 - B/w), which at least has a literal cat-fight in a boxing ring.

Behind the Headlines (-1937 - B/w) - RKO journalism filler. A duplicate review.
So here's a replacement - Forty Naughty Girls (1937 - b/w) - RKO filler.

Hot Water (1937 - B/W) - One of myriad Fox sitcoms starring the Jones family.

Murder at the Baskervilles (1937 - B/W)- Arthur Wontner playing Sherlock Holmes (based on his own stage portrayal of Sexton Blake, confusingly) in a rather stiff Silver Blaze.
See also Sherlock Holmes' Fatal Hour (1931 - B/W), The Sleeping Cardinal (1931 - b/w) and The Triumph of Sherlock Holmes (1935 - b/w). Wontner's final performance as Sherlock Holmes was in a 1943 BBC adaptation of "The Boscombe Valley Mystery" with Carleton Hobbs as Dr. Watson, who would later succeed him as Holmes on radio, perhaps the definitive radio Sherlock.

Souls at Sea (1937 - B/W) - Another period drama with Gary Cooper, about slavery. George Raft looks uncomfortable in period garb.

Mr Boggs Steps Out (1938) - Poverty-row com with Charlie Drake/Benny Hill hybrid Stuart Erwin and Helen Chandler.

Room Service (1938 - B/w) - Hmm. Not the Marxes at their best.

He Couldn't Say No (1938 - B/w) - Nonsense about a statue with Jane Wyman and Frank McHugh.

Storm over Bengal (1938 - B/w) - tedious Republic Raj fifty-minuter.

Carlotta: The Mad Empress of Mexico (1939 - B/W) - Low-rent Mexican period drama about its colonial history, with Lionel Atwill.

The Light That Failed (1939 - b/w) -  Ronald Colman and Ipa Lupino in a  typical backlot colonial romance.

Irish Luck (1939 - B/W) - Frankie Darro and Mantan Moreland in silly barely-Oirish hotel mystery.

Angels over Broadway (1940 - B/w) - Sir Douglas Fairbanks Jr, Thomas Mitchell and Rita Hayworth in a confused-tone noir/would-be comedy/musical without songs.

Torrid Zone (1940 - b/w) - Double-ok.rued this average Jimmy Cagney tropical western.

Half a Sinner (1940 - B/W) - Average 40s B-comedy with Heather Angel.

King of the Lumberjacks (1940 - B/W) - Forgettable pseudo-Northern with John Payne.

The Case Of The Black Parrot (1941 - B/W) - Forgettable mystery with Eddie Foy Jr, America's Clive Dunn.  Not much parrot action.

International Lady (1941 - b/w) - Basil Rathbone,  charmless one-time Michael Collins decoy George Brent and Ilona Massey star in a wartime propaganda dramedy. It's not much cop. It needs Nigel Bruce eating fish and chips.  Extensively ok.rued.

Manpower (1941 - B/w) - A typical noir, with Raft, Robinson and Dietrich added. Double-ok.rued.

Footsteps in the Dark (1941 - b/w)-  Watched the first 20 minutes, but gave up and ok.ru-skimmed the rest of this silly Errol Flynn comedy mystery.

Murder by Invitation (1941 - B/w) - Why do I keep watching Monogram old dark housers?

The Shanghai Gesture (1941 - B/W) - Nasty, unwatchable Orientalist yellowfacery with Gene Tierney harrassed by a dragon lady and a fezclad Victor Mature.

Who Is Hope Schuyler? (1942 - B/w) - Why am I watching this confused-identity Fox B-picture with Ricardo "I'm the REAL Sam Spade" Cortez.

Moontide (1942 - B/w) - Jean Gabin, Ida Lupino, Claude Rains and Thomas Mitchell in a film that if it weren't shot in B/w wouldn't be considered a thriller. Double-ok.rued. It's about lounging about on a pier.

High Sierra (1941 - b/w) - Bogie wanders about hillbilly country. Double-ok.rued.

I Wake Up Screaming (1941 - B/w) - Betty Grable cries. Victor Mature has a fedora. Laird Cregar is sinister. Elisha Cook Jr does his face.

Desperate Journey (1942 - B/W) - Samey WW2 propaganda with Errol Flynn and Ronald Reagan. Double ok.rued.

The Lady Has Plans (1942 - B/W) - Another forgettable WW2 comedy with Paulette Goddard and Ray Milland.

Captains of the Clouds (1942) - So used to the still of Cagney in the cockpit in b/w that it was a shock to see the film is beautiful Technicolor.  Typical faux-Canadian air force yarn. Actually shot in Canada too. Triple-ok.rued.

Bombs over Burma (1942 - b/w)/lady from Chungking (1942 - b/w) - PRC-produced poverty row propaganda with Anna May Wong.

Counter-Espionage (1942 - B/W) - Episodic procedural, blandly shot with Warren William's Lone Wolf in the Blitz.
The Lone Wolf in London (1947 - B/w) - Gerald Mohr takes over in an unconvincing film set in a very rural-seeming London.

Fly by Night (1942 - B/w) - Richard Carlson in a bland screwball noir.

This Gun for Hire (1942 - B/w) - Laird Cregar shines, but it is basically typical noir. Veronica Lake just a haircut.

The Tuttles of Tahiti (1942 - B/w) - Tonally out of whack, oddly poignant at times, silly at most tropical comedy starring Charles Laughton.

Holy Matrimony (1943 - B/w) - Gracie Fields and Monty Woolley in faux-British identity mixup.

Adventure in Iraq (1943 - B/W) - A low-rent Saharan odyssey with turbanned Iraqis doing sacrifices. With General Lowe's boy John Loder as the stiff lead.

Edge of Darkness (1943 - B/W) - Errol Flynn plays a Norwegian fighting Nazis, but despite the Scandinavian setting, it still feels like a Jack London Northern. Doubled Ok.rued.


Action In The North Atlantic (1943 - B/W) - Bogie in a fedora but on a battleship. Double-ok.rued.

The Dark Tower (1943 - B/W) - Anodyne circus thriller/variety show with Ben Lyon, Anne Crawford, David Farrar, Herbert Lom and  "Bill Hartnell". From Warner Teddington

Lassie Come Home (1943) - Is this supposed to be Middlesbrough? Elsa Lanchester and Donald Crisp sound a bit Geordie. But they say it is in Yorkshire. Roddy McDowall is awfully posh for a working class kid.  Son of Lassie (1945) is even more ridiculous. Is Nigel Bruce's grandad Duke in the Home Guard? June Lockhart as Elizabeth Taylor sounds American. It looks colourful, but it's not my thing. And the Nazi attack is ludicrous. The Washington-set Courage of Lassie (1946) even less so.

London Blackout Murders (1943 - B/W) - Ridiculous Blitz mystery with a ridiculous courtroom set and John Abbott

The Adventures of Mark Twain (1944 - B/W) - A fun atmosphere, but it drags and doesn't know where to go. It wants to be both an adaptation of Twain's work, and a serious biopic. Ok.rued excessively.

To Have Or Have Not (1944 - B/W) - Hemingway is not my thing. Though it looks good.

Sudan (1945) - Another awful faux-Egyptian load of bull with the baffling non-presence of Maria Montez.

The Strange Affair of Uncle Harry (1945 - B/W) - Another charming but dangerous roue played by George Sanders, yawn.  Though he could play them well.

House on 92nd Street (1945 - b/w) - Middling Fox noir, about spying. Not to be confused with the more melodramatic House on Telegraph Hill (1951 - b/w).

Black Angel (1946 - b/w) - Another rote noir with Lorre.

Monsieur Beaucaire (1946 - b/w) -Rote period-com with Bob Hope.
See also My Favourite Brunette (--1947 - B/w) - which I found a rather meh screwballer.

Forever Amber (1947) - A lurid, but rushed and unsuccessful adaptation of a popular bonkbuster. Cornel Wilde is stiff. Richard Greene deputises for Vincent Price. The period setting feels artificial.

Seven Were Saved (1947 - B/W) - Cheapo Paramount mockbuster of Lifeboat.
See also Minesweeper (1943 - B/w), another nonsense from Pine-Thomas.

Calcutta  (1947 - b/w) - Alan Ladd in the sort of potboiler that inspired Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Terry and the Pirates-type schlock, even though Edith King's buxom Madam is a character. Very familiar with the poster for this, having stared at it in my old Halliwell's Guide.

Key Largo (1948  - B/w) -   Hmm. It's hard for me to judge noir. I suppose it is well-made. This is why I'll never be a professional critic, I suppose.

State Department file 649 (1949) - Dull colour thriller set in China with the inevitable Ricahrd Loo, Philip Ahn and Victor Sen Yung.

Malaya (1949 - B/w) - Another dreary foreign noir with Spencer Tracy, James Stewart and Sydney Greenstreet. Double ok.rued.

Tripoli (1950) - Another bland tropicana by Pine-Thomas, with Maureen O'Hara as a French aristocrat in the Barbary war, with Howard Da Silva and John Payne.

Panic in the Streets (1950  - B/W) - Too documentary-like for its own good.

Good Humor Man (1950 - B/w) - Baffling overlong ad for the US equivalent of Walls/HB, with Jack Carson in a rare lead, outside  the likes of Mildred Pierce.

Detective Story (1951 - B/W) - Dreary Broadway play with Kirk Douglas. Double-ok.rued

Behave Yourself (1951 - B/w) - Forgettable dog-centric romcom with Shelley Winters and Farley Granger.

Sudden Fear (1952 - b/w) - Mutton-dressed-as-lamb Joan Crawford is both terrorised but loved by toyboy Jack Palance. Women's picture disguised as noir.

Operation Secret (1952 - B/W) - Ridiculous, tedious WW2 actioner with Cornel Wilde, Karl Malden and Dan "I created Twink" O'Herlihy. Ok.rued

Kansas City Confidential (1952- B/W) - Another Southern noir. Young Lee Van Cleef.

The Crimson Pirate (1952) - not a pirate fan, but this has Burt Lancaster and some charming visuals. Dublin spirit animal Noel Purcell is unexpectedly ripped. Ok.rued doubled.

Rogue's March (1953 - b/w) - Another nonsensical khyber movie with Peter Lawford and Richard Greene.

Carnival Story (1954) - Anne Baxter, Steve Cochran and George Nader in an Agfacolor circus melodrama. Circus dramas are usually boring.

On the Waterfront (1954 - b/w) - Brando mumbles as everyone else shouts the dockyard down. Sorry.

They Were So Young (1955 - B/w) - Sensationalist German Lippert-coproduced sex slave folderol in South America with Raymond Burr.

House of Bamboo (1955) - attractively-made Sam Fuller mystery in Japan, but not the thing I enjoy following.

Back from Eternity (1956 - b/w) - Moaning in the jungle with Robert Ryan, Anita Ekberg and Rod Steiger.

Finger of Guilt (1956 - b/w) - Bland Brit noir from Merton Park with Richard Basehart set between a film studio and Newcastle.

The Killer is Loose (1956 - B/W) - Dreary suburban noir with Joseph Cotten.

Flame of the Islands (1956) - tropical timewaster from Republic with Yvonne De Carlo.

Istanbul (1957) - Fat, plastic-faced, prematurely aged Errol Flynn in a Universal backlot exotica mystery with Crossroads star John Bentley and Martin "Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz" Benson,  billed over Nat "King Cole", who sings "When I Fall in Love", which is the only highlight.

Nights of Cabiria (1957 - B/W) - I find Giulietta Masina grating, like a female Norman Wisdom.


Stopover Tokyo (1957) - Tiresome Mr. Moto adap with Robert Wagner as a white tourist replacing Moto, and Joan Collins as a Welsh secretary.

Across the Bridge (1957 - b/w) - Fair British stab at mimicking US noir, with Rod Steiger.

Timbuktu (1958 - B/W) - Victor Mature in the backlot desert for  another depressing colonial dive.

Me and the Colonel (1958 - B/W) - Who thought to put Curd Jurgens and Danny Kaye in an anti-buddy comedy?

Face of Fire (1959 - b/w) - Sporadically touching, Scandinavian-shot quasi-western with Cameron Mitchell as a burnt-faced simpleton and James Whitmore, plus Lois Maxwell to signify it was shot in Europe. By Albert Band.

Nefertite, Queen of the Nile (1961) - Turgid Italian epic, worth it only for Vincent Price at his queeniest, draped in leopard print and gold like a Cairo drag act impersonating Bet Lynch.

Antinea, Journey Beneath the Desert (1961) - Haya Harareet stares in this version of L'Atlantide. "Rad Fulton", Jean Louis Trintignant and Gian Maria Volonte costar in this vividly coloured but profoundly boring modernisation.

La Chambre Ardente (1962 - B/w) - Julian Duvivier's dull old dark houser has a genuinely nasty twist but it feels like another attempt to do Diabolique. Ok.rued, but watched the last half hour, almost but not quite gripped.

Arabesque (1966) - lurid, psychedelic heister with Gregory Peck, Sophia Loren and Kieron Moore as an Arab greaser. A trifle that loses all sense.

I Killed Rasputin (1967) - Slow, stiff dramatisation. Gert Frobe is almost unrecognisable as Rasputin. Peter McEnery mopes about as Prince Felix. Heavily ok.rued.

The Chastity Belt (1967) - Terrible Italian comedy with Tony Curtis in medieval Italy.

What's So Bad About Feeling Good (1968) - Irritating Peppard-Tyler Moore sub-Mad World hijinks about a happiness virus that turns people into hippies.ok.rued.

They Call Me Trinity (1969)/Trinity is Still My Name (1970) - What are the jokes?

And Soon the Darkness (1970) - A rewatch. It's inconesquential. Would work as a short.

Carnal Knowledge (1971) - More terrible Jack Nicholson new-age New Hollywood bobbins.

Ten Days Wonder (1972) -Tedious Chabrol, Orson Welles on autopilot, while Marlene Jobert and Michel Piccoli mope.

Day for Night (1972) - Truffaut fakes footage of behind the scenes for a fictional film. Insufferable.

Sacred Knives of Vengeance (1972) - Typical Shaw kung fu folderol.

The Black Hand (1973) - Lionel Stander plays the Godfather. Blatant imitation, down to Corrado Gaipa popping up.  The chipboard bordello sets are clearly recycled from a western. An attempt to recreate period America looks horribly tacky and false.

The Squeeze (1977) - Stacy Keach's accent is, well, it sounds vaguely Irish at times, but he is otherwise quite convincing. If only they told him to do it posh. But a solid, Euston-ish thriler, authentically grimy, full of Double Diamond, aged World Cup squad posters and Freddie Starr. Stephen Boyd for once lets his own accent loose, dropping all Mid-Atlantic pretensions, and going the full Frank Carson.

Jaani Dushman (1979) - a bonkers, confused Bollywood horror involving drag, talking mirror-men, haunted houses, an ape monster and Amrish Puri, and the Pan Book of Horror Stories.

Fast Company (1979) - Glossy but bland American-obsessed Canadian racing film only known because somehow, the director was one David Cronenberg.

Sayonara Jupiter (1983) - Finally saw this, and it's not good. It's overlong, slow, it lacks an epic sweep, has weird dream sequences, the model stuff is nice but despite a laser chase, it hews more to 2001, and the mainly amateur international cast are just there to be dubbed in Japanese. Ok.rued.

Beatrice (1987) - Overlong medieval sub-Verhoeven teen drama with Julie Delpy.

Veerana (1988) - Overlong, insane but lethargic Bollywood horror from the Ramsay Brothers.
Purani Haveli (1989) is a ridiculous, overlong Bollywood musical-giallo.
Bandh Darwaza (1990) - The Ramsays' attempt at a Hammer Dracula. Set in 1989 India, it dawdles until a spectacular pyromanic climax. Star Ajay Agarwal is an imposing Drac. And later appeared in the 1994 Jungle Book and Shekhar Kapur's Bandit Queen


Johnny Handsome (1989) - An attractive mess, but Morgan Freeman gives good genial-sinister.