67

Topaze (1933 - B/W) - Schmaltzy pre-code John Barrymore comdrama.

A Fire Has Been Arranged (1935 - B/W) - Sim, Flanagan and Allen in forgettable blackface-heavy variety/fire brigade thing.

The Prisoner of Shark Island (1936 - B/W) - Preachy Civil War nonsense by John Ford, full of black stereotypes.

Mr. Deeds Goes To Town (1936 - B/W) - I don't quite get most of Capra. His "small man" stories annoy me in some way.

Owd Bob (1938 - BW) - Heart-boiling sheepdogger.

Torment (1944 - B/W) - Bergman drama. Art and somewhat beautiful but not  my thing.

The Razor's Edge (1946 - B/W) - Tyrone Power in a typical piece of Maugham.

Letter from an Unknown Woman (1948 - B/W) - It looks decent in some shots, but the backlot stuff looks comparatively shabby.

The Adventures of P.C. 49: Investigating the Case of the Guardian Angel (1949 - B/W) - Simplistic Eagle/BBC radio adap.

The Saint's Return (1953 - B/W) - Terrible Hammer adaptation with Louis Hayeward.

Break in the Circle (1955 - B/W) - Depressing Hammer maritime drama.

How To Murder A Rich Uncle (1957 - B/W) - Unfunny sub-Ealing sub-Ladykillers (Katie Johnson even appears) comedy with Nigel Patrick and Charles Coburn.

Town on Trial (1958 - B/W) - Like a serious version of the above. Ok.rued extensively.

Never Take Sweets from a Stranger (1960 - B/W) - Preachy but creepy Hammer paedo-drama

And the Same To You (1960 - B/W) - Forgettable Brian Rix-Tommy Cooper-Hartnell-boxingcom.

The Queen's Guards  (1961) - Tedious propaganda that probably damaged Michael Powell more than Peeping Tom.

 The Pigeon That Took Rome (1962)-   Messy  dramedy. Double-Ok.rued.

Son of Captain Blood (1962) - Aside from Sean Flynn playing his dad's old role's offspring, this Italian swashbuckler is utterly unremarkable. Angharad Rees dubs the female lead.

Hemingway's Adventures of A Young Man (1962) - Overlong, schmaltzy roadshow with a strident, mugging, Norman Wisdomesque Paul Newman in a cameo.


The Intruder (1962 - B/W) - Corman/Shatner moralising melodramatics.

The Caretaker (1963 - B/W) - Blofeld and Red Grant do Pinter, moaning in a flat. I imagine this is SPECTRE am-dram.

Cairo (1963 - B/W) - Richard Johnson is an unconvincing Arab. Nuff said.

Quick Before It Melts (1964)  -Irritating Robert Morse comedy about cute penguins and women in Antarctica, with a backlot New Zealand.

The Luck of Ginger Coffey (1964) - Canadian Norn Iron sitcommery with Robert Shaw

A House Is Not a Home (1964 - B/W) - Grim, purportedly glam Shelley Winters prositution saga. Shelley is unconvincingly youthened in segments.

Marco the Magnificent (1965) - Empty, garish Italian epic with a Ming the Merciless-ish Anthony Quinn as Kublai Khan.

Angel's Flight (1965 - B/W) - Unmemorable Crown International noir.

Morgan (1966 - B/W) - David Warner, I love you, but what a load of shite.

Out of Sight (1966) - Irritating beach party fauxn with Freddie and the Dreamers and Dobie Gray.

Boy, Did I Get a Wrong Number (1966)-   Silly  sitcomesque Bob    Hope.   See also  8  On   the Lam (1967)

The Naked Prey (1966) - An interesting relic rather than a good film. A time capsule of Africa.

Champagne Murders (1966) - Chabrol claptrap. Ok.rued, barely.

After the Fox (1966) - Peter Sellers does baffling Italian comedy.

Gunn (1967) - TV spinoff private eye nonsense. Ok.ru.

The Wild Season (1967) - Interesting, well-shot Universal-distributed South African fishing drama. Star Antony Thomas later directed things as varied as Death of a Princess and Follyfoot.

Come Spy With Me (1967) - A sub-Beach Party-meets-Nancy Drew Bond knockoff so whitebread and unmemorable that it is a surprise that it has a theme by William "Smoky" (sic) Robinson and the Miracles (that's how they are credited), so funky that it makes the actual film pale in comparison.

Prudence and the Pill (1968) - Idiotic all-star sexcom. David Niven tries to keep up with the Permissive Society.

The April Fools (1969) - The same Jack Lemmon comedy.

Castle Keep (1969) - Bonkers yet derisively clinical war-thing.

Che (1969) - Oh Jaysus, this film is summed up by having young Castro played by 50-odd Jack Palance looking like  elderly Castro in big specs.

Puzzle of a Downfall Child (1970) - Horribly arty Faye Dunaway melodrama.

Country Dance (1970) - Terrible sleazy Peter O'Toole-Susannah York incest vehicle, Enniskerry plays a Scottish village where beardless Brian Blessed lives.

The Lady in the Car with Glasses and a Gun (1970) - Forgettably light Euronoir.

Adam's Woman (1970) - Faux-Scouse Australian immigrant saga with Beau Bridges, the kind of interminable thing repeated for TV dramas.

White Sun of the Desert (1970) - Fake-Mongols ahoy in this ponderous though visually nice Soviet western.

Chandler (1971) - Warren Oates PI nonsense that has an ending that negates its  seeming intention to spawn a  franchise. Gordon Pinsent pops up in his brief Hollywood era.

 The Panic in Needle Park (1971) - Young Pacino moans about drugs.

Welcome Home, Soldier Boys (1971) - Despite Joe Don Baker, exploration of the masculinty of the American male and the military life bores me.

Avanti! (1972) - Blandly glossy and hideously miscast.

The Effect of Gamma Rays on Man-in-the-Moon Marigolds (1972) - Dreary housewive stuff from Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward.

The Last American Hero (1973) - Dreary NASCAR stuff with Jeff Bridges.
See also Rancho Deluxe (1975) - Bridges in a bar wearing a cowboy hat.
Hearts of the West (1975) - More Bridges, more Alan Arkin over-acting and Donald Pleasence doing American, plus more self-obsessed mid-70s irritating Hollywood nostalgia on an aged backlot a la Day of the Locust. Ok.rued this.

White Fang (1973) - Barren production valued Harry Alan Towers Faux-Canadian Jack London nonsense that nevertheless spawned a subgenre.


The Apprenticeship of Duddy Kravitz (1974) - Irritating Dreyfuss-heavy Canadiana.

Night Caller (-1975) - Typical grim serial killer fare enlivened by Belmondo stuntwork. Double-ok.rued. Rewatch.

Lies My Father Told Me (1975)  - Forgotten, cute but reasonably small Canadian Jewish memoir, Golden Globe winner for Best Foreign Film.

Next Stop, Greenwich Village (1976) - Alienating NY nostalgia.

The Sellout (1976) - Dull Ollie Reed actioner.

MacArthur (1977) - Very TV movie ish and budget shown by overreliance on mattes. Plus it has British bobbies in Australia.


Those Wonderful Movie Cranks (1978) - Czech Roy Clarke.

Meatballs (1979) - Idiotic teen comedy that vitalised Canada's film industry.

 In God We Tru$t (1980) - This was banned in Ireland, ironic as Marty Feldman's last film had been made here. But Frank Hall made the right decision. It's awful. Ok.rued.

It Rained All Night the Day I Left (1980) -  Lou Gossett and Tony  Curtis are     Spencer and Hill.

YOUR TICKET IS NO LONGER VALID (1981) - What have I just watched? I knew the title and that it was a Canadian film starring Richard Harris and George Peppard. I expected a downbeat drama about an ageing businessman, something like Tribute or Max Dugan Returns.  But, no, turns out Barbara "Dick" Law wasn't the only Irish showbiz star to do Maple Syrup Porn. It is an utter insane trainwreck where Harris, a 60-year-old (though fifty IRL) globe-trotting gigolo gets impotence, and finds his "bit of crumpet" has gone off with Hispanic gypsy  Winston Rekert who seems styled to look like Gerrit Graham in Phantom of the Paradise, except that is a delusion he has brought on by his impotence.  It ends with the most astonishing sequence in cinema history I have seen. Harris gets his bollocks impaled by Jeanne Moreau, and has a hallucinatory flashback involving exploding chandeliers, S & M fantasies and horse riding. Harris pulls a face and dies. What the fuck?
 Last Tango in Paris written by Harold Robinson (sic).


My Dinner with Andre (1981) - Andre Gregory is highly listenable, in small doses, even though the film is easy to drift from. But probably the best Troma film (yes, that's right - Lloyd Kaufman produced, Troma did post)

The Border (1982) - Over-arty border cop nonsense.

123 - horror.fantasy.noir

THE STUDIO MURDER MYSTERY (1929) - Neil Hamilton, Frederic March in Paramount propaganda for itself.

The House Of The Seven Gables (1940 - B/W) - Typical period drama of the era. Vincent Price as a young lead is odd.

Five Graves to Cairo (1943 - B/W) -  Typical post-Casablanca exotica mixed in with war propaganda.

Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves (1944) - Baffling, with red-haired white kids as "Caliph's sons". And drawing moustaches on regular American character actors = Mongols.

Phantom Lady (1944 - B/W) - Well-made noir, uses Franchot Tone's cadaverous features, but noir alienates me.

Experiment Perilous (1944 - B/W) - Ropey romantic noirish period drama.

Gaslight (1944 - B/W) - It feels unconvincingly Victorian in a very American way.

A Place of One's Own (1945 - B/W) - Hmm, sub-Gainsborough haunting with James Mason.

The Blue Dahlia (1946 - B/W) - Again, not a noir man.

Kiss of Death (1947 - B/W) - Lots of fedoras.

 Somewhere in the Night (1946 - B/W) - Richard Conte practises for his 70s Eurocrime days in this typical alienating, grim noir.

Gilda (1946 - B/W) - Again...

So Dark the Night (1946 - B/W) - A simplistic noir-morality tale in a WW2 fairytale village.

Dead Reckoning (1947 - B/W) - Typical Bogie noir. I find it grim.

To The Ends of the Earth (1948 - B/W) - Faux-Chinese noiredium.

Corridor of Mirrors (1948 - B/W) - Sub-Powell and Pressburger reincarnation schmaltz. Christopher Lee's debut.

Caught (1949 - B/W) - Slushy Ophuls noir with James Mason and Barbara Bel Geddes, who looks like a smoother version of herself in Dallas.

Penny Points to Paradise (1951 - B/W) -  Early Goons thing. Telling how Sellers kind of fakes into the background, compared to even Alfred Marks and Bill Kerr.

DER VERLORENE (1951 - B/W) - German noir. In Germany, Peter Lorre seems to be a more normal actor, if that makes sense.

Slappiest Days of Our Lives (1953 - B/W) - Sellers-narrated hodgepodge of silence. At times, may be some of his better work.


Totò all'inferno  (1955)  - Toto is one of those people known more for being on the walls of Italian restaurants outside Italy. This is colourful but not much else. Earth-scenes tinted blue.
Whtaever Happened to Baby Toto (1964 - B/W) - Silly parody, the ending involving sandcastles recalls Equus more than anything.

Time Without Pity (1957 - B/W) - Dreary Redgrave noir, Michael Redgrave as an unconvincing dull Canadian.

Nachts wenn der Teufel kam (1957 - B/W) - Depressing Teutonic true-crime with Mario Adorf.

 Murder by Contract (1958 - B/W) - TVish noir with Vince Edwards.

The Playgirls and the Vampire (1960 - B/W) - Silly but atmospheric.
Ditto Slaughter of the Vampires (1962 - B/W)

The Minotaur, the Wild Beast of Crete (1960) - Rosanno Schiaffino being held hostage by an impressively Muppetty bull-man is the one highlight of this typical slice of peplum tedium.

Psycosissimo (1961 - B/W) - Baffling, bumbling Ugo Tognazzi com.

 Spotlight on a Murderer (1961) - Irritatingly smug Franju take on Ten Little Indians about a coffin-bound count who is killing folk.  Ok.rued.

The Return of Dr. Mabuse (1961 - B/W) - Strained, forgettable Lang imitation.
The Death Ray of Dr. Mabuse (1964 - B/W) - More of the same, Robert Beatty and Leo Genn shoehorned for UK audiences.

La maldición de Nostradamus (1961) - AIP-TV Mexican vampire nonsense. All Mexican vampire movies feel the same.

The Brainiac (1961 - B/W) - Ditto.

The Invasion of the Vampires (1962 - B/W) - AIP-TV imported Mexican faux-Hammer crap about Count Frankenhausen.

Landru (1963) - Baffling attempt at murder-comedy by Chabrol. Looks like a Carry On.

The Whip and the Body (1963) - The plot doesn't grab, but the visuals do.

RoGoPaG (1963) - Topo Gigio, Orson Welles, Pasolini, Godard, Rosselini and the lesser known Ugo Gregoretti.  It doesn't quite work. A mess of Italian artiness.

The Girl Who Knew Too Much (1963 - B/W) - Bava tries to do a Rutherford Marple, and fails because he hasn't got the talent.

Katarsis  (1963 - B/W) - Just teens mildly spooked by Christopher Lee in a ruff.

Blood Feast (1963) - It looks better than it should.


La cabeza viviente (1963 - B/W) - Astonishingly blatant ripoff of the Four Skulls of Jonathan Drake from Mexico.

Nothing but the Best (1963) - Confused, typically "whacky" post-Frost satire.

The Blancheville Monster a.k.a. Horror (1963 - B/W) - Amateurish Spanish gothshlock.

A Taste For Women (1964 - B/W) - Baffling sub-Czech New Wave French comedy written by Polanski.

La cité de l'indicible peur (1964 - B/W) - Irritating Jean-Pierre Mocky old dark house comedy with Bourvil and a tattooed banknote, weirdly remade as the brilliant Litan.

Terror in the Crypt (1964 - B/W) - Dodgy Italian Carmilla with Christopher Lee in a wig.

Terror-Creatures from the Grave (1965) - Rote Barbara Steele gothic.

Vendetta of Lady Morgan (1965 - B/W) - Another faux-Scottish boilerplate Italian gothic, though the usually villainous bruiser Gordon Mitchell is almost convincing as a romantic lead. 

Thrilling (1965) - Baffling pop-art comedy anthology with Sordi, Manfredi, etc.

Juliet of the Spirits (1965) - Overlong, self-indulgent surrealism from Fellini.
Like the sentimental La Strada (1954 - B/W), it's all about Fellini's love for Giulietta Masina.

James Tont operazione UNO (1965)/Operazione  D.U.E.  (1966) - Blatant,  silly Dino  De  Laurentiis  spoofs with  Lando   Buzzanca, a  villain called Eric Goldsinger and  an  off-screen contact with Bond himself.  Buzzanca  does  a  British  Invasion-parodying   musical  number   in   the    second.

The  Third Eye (1966 -B/W) - Atmospheric  but dull proto-giallo melodrama with "Frank Nero".

Alice of Wonderland in Paris (1966)-  Serviceable   Gene  Deitch hour.

Upperseven (1966) - Thick-earedAlberto   De  Martino  South Africa/London-set  spy nonsense.

The  Spy  who Liked Flowers (1966) -   Charles Gray-alike Roger Browne stars   in  a silly  Umberto Lenzi  spy romp  with a  comedy  soundtrack.

"Requiem For A Secret Agent"  (1966) - Stewart Granger dubs  himself  in a  sadistic little   cheapie that predates Diamonds   are Forever in  a  key sequence.

Du Rififi A Paname (1966) -Middling Euroheist.

An Angel for Satan (1966 - B/W) - Lesser Barbara Steele.

The Witch (1966 -  B/W) - Socopolitical arthouse  "satire" with Richard Johnson.

Ring Around the World (1966) -  Eurospy  mush.

The Long Night of Veronique (1966) - Forgettable colour sub-Krimi Italian nonsense.

Spies  Strike   Silently  (1966) -   Forgettable Rank-distributed  fluff with   Lang  Jeffries.

The Hunchback of Soho (1966)  -Silly Edgar Wallace krimi, full of Avengers-ish eccentric loons and a stupid hunchback targeting a Magdalene laundry/boarding school. Ok.rued.

Creature with the Blue Hand   (1967) -   American-accented toffs  in period  outfits  in 1960s London, a   typical krimi. Youtubed.

Danger Deathray! (1967)  -  Stupidispy.

Troppo per Vivere. Poco per Morire (1967) - Has fake BBC crews and Claudio Brook as Gordon Smash!  Seems  to  think Home Counties  suburbs are exotic.

Italian Secret Service (1968) - Goofball Nino   Manfredi crud with  Clive Revill.

If (1968) - A great cast, but schizophrenic.

The Fuller Report (1968)   -  Ken   Barlow-alike Ken Clark in more forgettable espionage.

Castle of the Creeping Flesh (1968) - German erotic-horror haunting nonsense with Howard Vernon. Shades of Jess Franco.

A Black Veil for Lisa (1968) - Odd nonsensical semi-giallo melodrama-romance. John Mills definitely dubs himself, and at least hey, John Mills is in this. And I think Robert Hoffmann does too.

The Sweet Body of Deborah (1968) - More middle-class gialli  travelogue nonsense.

Deadfall (1968) - Pervy Bryan Forbes heist. With Michael Caine and a Barry-Bassey score.


A Lovely Way to Die (1968) - Weirdly krimi-esque sub-Matt Helm goofball mystery with Kirk Douglas and Kenneth Haigh, meaning this has a connection to the oddly similar Night Train to Murder. I need to stave off terrible 60s mainstream thrillers on ok.ru.

Hand of Power (1968) - Another krimi, this time with Joachim Fuchsberger, the other German telly icon who recurred in Wallace movies, but thankfully much less problematic than aul Derrick. Full of knobbly bits, sinister lady taxidermists in white, chimpanzees hugging, a skeleton-clad killer, but it is clearly trying to be the Avengers, down to an Emma Peel-type. Although unlike the Avengers, like many of the Wallaces, this actually has black actors/characters, as if knowing diversity is as much a part of Britain as red buses,Big Ben and classical music-loving blustery comic relief Scotland Yard superiors with knighthoods and monocles. Ok.rued these krimis.

Gorilla of Soho (1968) = Lots of breasts. But just as silly. More girls' schools and strip-clubs. And yet more scenes around some docks. And funny masks.

The Hound of Blackwood Castle (1968) - Sub-Baskervilles nonsense.

The Man with the Glass Eye (1969) - A big shock climax involving the death of the female lead instead of the villainess aside, basically proto-Derrick with a few Brit dressings for Horst Tappert. Set in a working men's club with a cowboy knife thrower. There's also a scary ventriloquist's dummy resembling an acromegalic diddyman. The trouble about the German Wallaces is while the British ones are staid, the German ones are overtly goofy. It's like Scooby Doo with actual death. They feel like they mock themselves.

Double Face (1969) - Sleazy Klaus Kinski-starring Cinecitta-shot giallo/krimi hybrid. Nora Orlandi reused her soundtrack in the Strange Vice of Mrs. Wardh.

Horrors of Malformed Men (1969) - Samey  Japanese period horror.

Oh, Grandmother's Dead (1969) - Dull comedy giallo with the late Valentina Cortese (who I didn't realise was even still about).

Lokis. Rekopis profesora Wittembacha (1970) - Sitges-winning Polish steampunk artehouse horror bafflement.

Aoom (1970) - Bleary-eyed experimental nonsense with Lex Barker.

Hercules in New York (1970) - Sub Mel Brooks  Ahnhult debut.

Scream of the Demon Lover (1970) - Grubby period gothic, dirty and unattractive.

Angels of Terror  (1971)- Nice London  footage,  but a complete krimi  mess.

The Fourth Victim (1971) - Dodgy Faux-Brit giallo by Eugenio Martin, with Michael Craig.

Something Creeping in the Dark (1971)    -  Idiotic,boring, badly lit  Butcher's-distributed dark house giallo.
See also The    Killer  Has Reserved  9 Seats  (1974) and Death on the Fourposter (1964)

Jack the Ripper (1971) - Dreary Paul Naschy modernisation with a ZCars-ish soundtrack.

The Devil with Seven Faces (1971) - Silly Harold Robinson-esque giallo with Stephen Boyd. I think that's my problem with gialli. They're Transatlantic Tripe with a few murders, endless traveloguery and the heroes are inevitably middle-class housewives who have been or have cheated. Brian Clemens and Harold Robbins smashed together.

Crimes Of The Black Cat (1972) - Nonsensical Poe-influenced giallo.

Death Walks At Midnight (1972) - Idiotic middle-class modelling giallo, with a camp bloke in a silver wig.

The Case of the Scorpion's Tail (1972) - Nice London locations segue into something like a bloody Michael J. Bird serial.

The Scarlet Letter (1972) - Actually quite epic, beautiful, almost Karl May-ish take on Hawthorne by Wim Wenders.

Eye in the Labyrinth (1972) - Idiotic sub-Bay of Blood giallo with Adolfo Celi.

The Killer is On The Phone (1972) - Grim lesbian-themed giallo with Anne Heywood and Telly Savalas. Nice Belgian locations.

Greaser's Palace (1972) - Insufferable Robert Downey biblical-acid western.

The Loreley's Grasp (1973)  -  Surprisingly fun Spanish-German Gorgon-alike.

The Bloodstained Lawn  (1973) - "Marina Mullligan"/Malfatti stars in this hippy eejit-countercultural industrial vampire schlock.

La Muerte Incierta (1973) - Forgettable Jose Larraz jungle nonsense prefiguring 1974's Ghost Story


What  Have They Done To  Your Daughters (1974)- Well-made   but grim/sleazy  paedothriller.

Seven Deaths in the Cat's Eye (1973) -  Nonsensical fauxScottish Gainsbourgiallo.

Puzzle (1974)  -  Dull semi-giallo    from  Duccio Tessari.

The Killer Wore Gloves (1974) -  Spanish London  giallo  nonsense.

Night of the Seagulls (1975) - Awful Spanish cobblers about the Blind Dead.

Caglostro (1975) - Sub-Ken Russell biopic with Curd Jurgens.

Deadly  Strangers (1975) - HTVsleaze.

Evil Eye (1975) - Asinine sexy Mexican giallo.

Tiempos duros para Drácula (1975) - Terrible comedy with Jose Lifante as a sentimental, cello-playing Hispanic Paddy Drac.

Yeti -Giant of the 20th Century (1977) - Not bad Italo-Canadian Kong knockoff shot at Cinecitta. Unlike most real Canadian films, it actually tries to be as overtly Canuck as possible, lots of RCMP, views of the CN tower, Maple leaves and even a weird Lassie/Littlest Hobo-type subplot. Was this also made to cash in on the faux-Canadian Jack London adaps swarming Rome's studios at this time?

Brass Target (1978)-  Peculiar all-star WW2  conspiracy   giallo.  Rewatch.

Blackbirds Mystery (1983) - Peculiar Soviet Marple. Has  guerrilla footage of a train station with ads  for Local Hero and Hot  Fantasies, and a blacked-up Mr. Mash-alike gardener. And a setting that has period costumes and Rubik's cubes.
Ten Little Indians (1987) - An unusual film. More Soviet Agatha Christie. In fact, Vladimir Zeldin is in both. It looks good, but in being so close to the book, it becomes cold, bleak and depressing.

Hard  to be a God    (1989)  -  Better than the  recent version. Indebted to Highlander  and Dune. Ok.ru

Split Second (1992) - Jason Watkins pops up, age 26, looking as old as he does now. Dreary, badly-shot sci-fi noir set in a flooded London with Rutger Hauer.

Secret Adventures of Tom Thumb (1993) - Beautiful but disturbing British stop-motion opus, Eraserhead meets Terry Pratchett's Truckers.

The Pearl (2001) - Never have I seen a film so accurately capture the mood and feel of a 70s exploitation Europudding. Ageing Mexican exploitation director Alfredo Zacarias, the man behind The Bees directs this extremely De Laurentiis/ITC/Towers-ish Steinbeck adap. An ageing, Dumbledore-rasp-voiced Richard Harris pops up.


The Fall of the House of Usher (1960) - Nicely shot, but cheapskate. Ok.rued.

101

Hell's Angels - A Howard Hughes Production (1930) -A silent  at heart.

 Tarzan the Ape Man (1932)  - I don't get movie Tarzan.

Sullivan's Travels   (1941   -  B/W)-  Sturges  forgets to focus on some   of  his own jokes,  i.e. a hanging  corpse   cameo.

Public     Enemy  (1931),  Little Caesar (1931),  Petrified Forest   (1936),   Angels  with  Dirty Faces  (1937), Guncrazy  (1949),  White  Heat  (1949), The Asphalt  Jungle   (1950)  -  all noir.  Admired bits, but  not my thing.


Elephant Boy (1937 -  B/W)- Pioneering but  cruel-to-animals travelogue.

The Inspector General (1949) - Danny Kaye period bafflement though the ghost  number is memorable.

THE ADVENTURES OF JANE (1949  - B/W)-   Mild cheesecake  with  the  original   comic's  model,   Christabel Leighton-Porter,  now  middle-aged.

The Tattooed Stranger (1950 - B/W)  -     Middling NY noir.

The Inspector (1962)  -   Turgid  post-Exodus melodramawith Stephen Boyd,Sr.Dolores  Hart and  Arab Harry Andrews.

The Ugly American (1963)- Idiotic Brando preachiness in not-Nam.


Naked Kiss (1964-  B/W)- Fuller does  softporn.

The System (1964 -  B/W) -  Finally  finished this.  Basically  the  Damned without the nuke-children, but Reed is brilliant as always.   Basically given a followup  by Winner  as the messy I'll Never Forget Whats'isname    (1967)

Ensign Pulver  (1964) - Who thought Robert Walker Jr.'d be a  star?

Flight  of   the Phoenix (1965)-  Submerged  in  its own length.

The Boy Cried Murder (1966)- Cheap, sub-ITC/CFF   Clemensia.  Baffling end.

The Last of the Secret Agents? (1966) -  Dire sub-Elvis spy spoof starring  sub-crooner  Steve  Rossi and Marty  Morrissey-alike Marty  Allen Ok.ru.

Who's That Knocking at My Door (1967)  -    Scorsese   B/W sub-porn  art-twaddle.

The Caper of the Golden Bulls (1967)-   Idiotic   Stephen  Boyd caper.

Tony Rome (1967) -   Telly-like Sinatra nepotism heavy actioner.

Rocket  to the Moon (1967)- Lush by  Towers standards  but basic comedy.   Rocket doesn't  even  leave Earth.

Kill a Dragon (1967) - Hong Kong  based  DocSavagery with Jack Palance. One of the worst  post-Bond  actioners.  Ok.ru

Madigan's Millions (1967)-  Sub-Shadows-Soundtracked   Eurospy "comedy". You'd  never know Dustin  Hoffman'd  be  a star.

Hot Rods to Hell  (1967) - Desperate attempt to  combine heart-searing family melodrama and juvenile delinquency.

Head (1968)- Surreal   bollocks, nice music.

Only When I Larf (1968) - Obnoxious    nutty hijack.  Ok.ru

The    Secret of Santa Vittoria  (1969) -Overlong  Italian  flimsy  whimsy.

Take the Money and Run (1969) - Televisual, but  it was made by ABC.

Riot (1969)  -  Depressing Jim Brown   prison flick.  Gene  Hackman and Brown reunited from
The Split  (1968) -   Workmanlike   Westlake adap with an insane  cast  by Gordon Flemyng, the man  behind   ze  Dalek films. Ok.ru

Pendulum (1969)- Dull Peppardsploitation.  Ok.ru-Tried  the very-TV like P.J.  (1968),  which felt outdated yet trying to  be hip  and  sexist,  and the  Harold Robbins-esque  The Third Day (1965)

Generation (1969)-   Idiotic David  Janssen gap-com.

Alice's Restaurant (1970) -   Beckinsale-alike   Arlo Guthrie cooks up  a plate of  hippie shite.

Something for Everyone (1970)  - Airless  Michael York/Angela Lansbury juvenile Austrocaper.

The Angel Levine  (1971) -   Preachy ecumenical  psychedelia. Free US holiday  for  Milo O'Shea.

The Christian Licorice Store  (1971)-  Post-Love Story  tennis tosh.
See also Your Three Minutes Are Up (1973).

The Sandpit Generals  (1971)   -    AIP     South   American  youth   rally.

Suppose They Gave a War an Nobody Came? (1971)   - Dreadful Tony Curtis saggy M*A*S*H.

Pulp  (1972) - Never knows  what  it  is,  despite  Caine at  his coolest.

X, Y and Zee (1972)   -   Caine  and  Taylor in   domestic hell.

Le Grand Blond Avec Une Chaussure Noire (1972)-   A  key title in baffling French comedy.Rewatch

I Want What I Want (1972) - Early transgender film,  tawdry and  confused.  40-odd Anne  Heywood cast  as a  twentysomething  MTF, in her  pre-transition form looks  like   the  Freak  from  Prisoner Cell Block H.

Play It As It Lays (1972) -Overarty exploit/exploration of   Tuesday  Weld. 

Hit! (1973)-  Lushly  produced but tedious  Billy Dee  Williams/Richard  Pryor. Who wants  a 2 1/2 hour blaxploitation?

Save the  Tiger (1973)-  Probably  too young   to get such a middle-age tale.

Steelyard Blues (1973)-  All-star mess.

Crazy Joe (1974) -  DeLaurentiis   true-life schlock, Peter Boyle as a Mafioso.    Fred  Williamson wears a hairnet. New   York shot by Italians   looks like   Italy.

Bank Shot (1974)  -George C. Scott tries goofball  comedy and  fails.  A  semi-sequel to ze smug  The Hot Rock (1972)

Busting  (1974)/Freebie and the Bean  (1974)-  Dopey, obnoxious copshows.  Ok.ru

Mame   (1974) - Sheesh,just an excuse  for Lucy's wigs.

Tough  (1974) - Preachy  African-American  Christian Children's Film  Foundation.

The     Wrestler (1974) - A half-hearted Ed Asner docudrama produced by  Dave Friedman.

NEWMAN'S LAW (1974)-  Why was this faux-blaxploitation Peppardier  released   in cinemas?

Return  to Macon  County (1975)-  Sub-American  Graffiti  non-sequel.

Uptown Saturday night  (1974)/LETS DO IT AGAIN (1975)/ A Piece Of The Action (1977) -  Samey Cosby/Potter sub-Sting.An  all-star   lineup of  black talent  from Harold  Nicholas and Billy   Eckstine to Johnny  Sekka and Calvin Lockhart.    Was Roscoe  Lee  Browne  the black   Freddie  Jones?

Lady   Snowblood   II (1974)-   The pseudo-Victorian setting  adds   something to a typical samuraier.

Mussolini: The Last Act (1975) -    Slow, meandering, despite Steiger,  Nero,  Fonda as a cardinal.

Friday Foster (1975) -  Dull  Pam Grier comic strip.

Mahogany (1975) -   Diana  Ross  and  Billy Dee Williams  in   a  blaxploitation  take on Susann-Robbins-Sheldon pornographic  muzak. The  worst film my uncle Gibby has ever  seen.

Give 'em Hell, Harry! (1975) -   Was this devised  to feel like  a  Saturday  Live sketch?

 That Lady from Peking (1975) -   Rough Aussie spy thing  made  in  1969, understandably  delayed, by which time   bit-parter Jack Thompson    had  become one  of Australia's biggest stars.

Funeral  for an  Assassin (1975) - Apartheid actioner. Vic Morrow  probably  assumed blacking up  in disguise would be the worst thing to happen to him  in  front  of camera.   Sadly, he   was wrong.


Whiffs (1975) - EejityElliot Gould  military-com. Ok.ru.

Ebony, Ivory & Jade  (1976)- Dull faux-Hong  Kong  Olympic prison girls gash.

A Small Town In Texas (1976)    -    AIP  hillbilly tosh.

The Passover  Plot  (1976)- Cannon  presents the   Bible    via conspiracy theory. Despite strong  British character  support, Zalman King maybe  the  worst  Jesus,  portrayed as  an  Elvis/Diana/Andy Kaufman  figure.     Ok.ru

Black Oak Conspiracy (1977) -  Yokel  action fluff.

The Black     Pearl  (1977)  - Juvenile adventure  nonsense padded out by undersea footage. Ok.ru.

World's Greatest Lover (1977)  - Trite Gene Wilder  vehicle.

Nunzio  (1978) - Sweetly  twee  fable of   a special needs Superman,  with Joe  Spinell as  friendly  neighbour.

Who'll Stop the Rain  (1978) - Kitchen sink dirgirisation of Vietnam  vigilantesploitation.  Ok.ru

The One and Only (1978) -   Carl  Reiner tries and fails to turn Henry Winkler into  Steve Martin.

Chilly  Scenes of Winter (1979)  -   Exactly  what it  says on the tin.

A Touch of the Sun (1979)  - A NASA-themed British-Zambian sexcom,  starring   Oliver     Reed, PeterCushing,   Keenan  Wynn, Wilfrid Hyde-White, Bruce  Boa, and  Melvyn Hayes as a camp Tarzan?   So  awful  it never   got a  proper release.

Buffet  Froid (1979)-Attractively shot but  rather languid  Depardieu gangster pic.   Ok.ru

Portrait of a Hitman (1979)   -  Dumpy actioner  that    never  got a proper release despite  an  insane  cast (Jack   Palance,  Rod  Steiger ,  Richard  Roundtree). Ann Turkel  plays Palance's art-model/strange-lover. It  gets  confusing,  as Herb Jeffries,  the Duke  Ellington   Band singer/Bronze   Buckaroo appears, and looks  like  Steiger  with a  tan   (Jeffries  was half-Sicilian,  with some distant  Arab/Ethiopian blood, but because Sicilians had been under Jim  Crow laws  due to "one drop" complications amongst  various   other matters,  Jeffries became the   first black  singing cowboy).

Radio On (1979- B/W)- Accurately captures the despair of  a UK roadtrip.

Used   Cars   (1980) - Did  Zemeckis  intend  to make a  Hal Needham fan-film?

 Rollover (1981)-  Dreadful Arab-financial nonsense with Kris Kristofferson miscast as a NYC  establishment   pre-yuppie businessman. Ok.ru

Buddy Buddy  (1981)-Idiotic quasiFrench  Billy Wilder  swansong.

King Of The Mountain (1981)  - Nothingy LA  racer.

 Ladies and Gentlemen: The Fabulous Stains (1981)  -  Wellmade but obnoxious Canadian punk odyssey with Diane Lane, Laura  Dern and Ray Winstone.

Missing    (1982)  -    Soft-focus preaching  against Pinochet. Ok.ru

The  Naked Face    (1983)  - Godawful,  beige  Cannon-Sydney Sheldon-Bryan Forbes thriller.Has Roger Moore shouting "Bastards!".

Compromising Positions (1985)-    Very TVM-like Susan Sarandon vehicle.

Shaker Run (1985) -Beigey  NZ chaser-actioner with Cliff Robertson,Lisa Harrow,  Leif Garrett and Shane Briant.

Jakarta (1988)- Middling Troma   Indonesian  actioner.

Firehead  (1991) - Rubbishy  faux-Soviet action.

147 horror

Phantom Express  (1932-  B/W)-   Dull poverty row illusion.

Thirteen Women (1932-  B/W) - Primitive melo-slasher.

Kongo (1932  - B/W)-    Strange  yet rote   jungle adventure.

The Witching Hour (1934- b/w) - Pre Code Paramount  parlour room  airiness.
See also  proto-Meet Joe  Black,  Death Takes a Holiday (1934- B/W)

The Scoundrel (1935 - B/W)- Quota quickie-like Noel  Coward supernatural drama.

The Return Of Peter Grimm (1935 - /W)  Schmaltzy Lionel Barrymore fantasy melodrama.

Peter Ibbetson (1935) - Gary  Cooper sentiment. Dreamy  but inauthentic. Not  my thing.

Phantom Ship (1935- B/W) - Early Hammer about the Mary  Celeste, basically Bela  Lugosi as  a seadog.

House of Secrets (1936  -    B/W) - Dreary  Chesterfield faux-quota  quickie.

Topper Takes A Trip (1938 - B/W)- Just a holiday for the audience.

A Christmas Carol (1938- B/W)  - Sentimental  Reginald Owen anachronosia.
See also Scrooge (1935-   B/W).

Beyond Tomorrow (1940 - B/W)- Sentimental ghosts with   C Aubrey Smith.

Chamber of Horrors (1940- B/W)  - Typical British krimi.

Spellbound (1941 - B/W) -  Dreary  Derek  Farr drawing roomer.

Beyond the Blue Horizon (1942   -  B/W)- Silly   color  jungler. Ok.ru.

The Remarkable Andrew (1942-   B/W)-   William    Holden's presidential Rentaghost.

The Cockeyed Miracle (1946-  B/W)-  Schmaltzy Frank Morgan periodcom. Keenan Wynn looks  like Vincent Price.

Castle Sinister (1948)   -   Forgettable Brit darkhouser.

Uncle Silas (1947-  B/W)- Sub-Gainsborough  gothic.

The Perfect  Woman (1949 - B/W) -  Silly faux-fembot    comedy, though nice  support  from Miles  Malleson.

Will Any Gentleman...? (1953)   -  Strange, not terribly good  comedy   despite  an attempt to  make George  Cole  and Jon P'twee (who  is  in  two roles, one  in his earliest  form)a duo.

Alias John Preston (1955 - B/W)- Dreary Danziger's Jekyll/Hyder  with Christopher Lee.

First Spaceship on Venus (1960) - Decent.A rewatch.See also Planeta Bur (1962)and Ikarie  XB-1 (1963).

IL MIO AMICO JEKYLL  (1960- B/W)  - Basically  Werewolf in a Girls' Dormitory with  added minstrels and Ugo Tognazzi.

The Road to Hong Kong (1962 - B/W)  - Idiotic  Brit-based Hope/Crosby future-nonsense.

A Dream Come True (1963) - Idealistic Soviet  space epic,  bits reused by AIP  in Queen   of Blood.  More  proof  Soviets could make good   SF.

Tomb of Torture (1963 -    B/W) - Dull.

Virgin of  Nuremberg (1963) - Colouful but empty giallo with Christopher Lee.

The Ghost (1963)-   Typical atmospheric yet lacking-in-almost-everything-else Italian  Barbara  Steele horror.

IL MOSTRO DELL' OPERA (1964  - B/W) -Incomprehensible gothic,   typical Polselli.

Face of the Screaming Werewolf (1964)- Chaney Jr-starring salvage.

Shock Treatment   (1964 - B/W) - Boring post-Psycho  courtroomer, despite a gleeful Roddy McDowall.

The Hyena of London (1964- B/W) -  Faux-London period  cobblers.

Seven Days in May (1964-    B/W)-  Serling's  Strangelove for politicos.

Séance on a Wet Afternoon (1964-  b/w)-   Unlikeably grim. Ok.ru

2 On A Guillotine (1965- B/W) - William Conrad-directed overstretched  psychothriller. Ok.ru


The Sweet Sound of Death (1965-  B/W) -    Sidney Pink-produced sub-Nouvelle Vague  "suggestion".

The Hyperboloid of Engineer Garin (1965-   B/W) Mainly slow but somewhat  interesting    Soviet  steampunk   Mabuse.

El fantástico mundo del doctor Coppelius (1966)  - ChittyChitty Bang Bang-ish  ballet with   Walter Slezak.

Kiss the Girls and  Make Them Die (1966)- DeLaurentiis proto Moonraker  with  Mike  "BeforeMannix" Connors   as a lumbering US Bond  aided by  Dorothy Provine and Terry-Thomas as basically Lady Penelope and Parker. They even have  a  gadget-packed Rolls Royce. Raf Vallone  plays  the Nehru-jacketed Amazon-dwelling rocket baron. Basically relies on stock  footage and jungle  nonsense. And I bloody  love  Moonraker. That   is  joyous,  and this isn't.

Gappa   (1967)- Silly kaiju  reused in  Red  Dwarf.

Privilege (1967)-    Seems deliberately styled to provoke an  uprising.

The    Million  Eyes of  Sumuru  (1967)-  Shonky  Eurospy gubbins from  Towers and  Shonteff.

Good Times (1967)    -  Sub-Monkees Friedkin-directed  Sonny  and  Cher vehicle."Bullocks" jokes  ahoy. Was Sonny Bono America's  Roy Castle?

Hillbillys in a Haunted House (1967)    -   Haunted house/spy thriller/Hee Haw episode  with Merle Haggard, Kenny  Everett  fave  Ferlin Husky  and  others vs Carradine,Chaney  and Rathbone.

The  Gruesome Twosome (1967)-    Possibly  HG  Lewis' roughest.
A Taste of Blood (1967)- Lewis' attempt at mainstream,  set ina Miami-ish London.

Blood Of The Virgins (1967) - Faux-ItalianSouth   American vampire grot.

House  of Evil (1968) -Karloff plays the organ,in a kerfuffly Mexican thing supposedly  about killer toys.

A Quiet Place in the Country (1968)   - Redgrave-Nero vanity   artiness.

Balsamus, l'uomo di Satana  (1968) - From  Pupi    Avati,  about the lovechild of Herve Villechaize, Les  Dawson  and Noele  Gordon.

Psychout for Murder (1969)-  Confused  Rossano  Brazzi  giallo. Typically montagey/messy.


Thomas... gli Indemoniati (1969) - Orange-tinted Avati agitprop.

The Honeymoon Killers (1970 - B/W) - Not quite my jar,  fine performances, but it has a video   look.

Mark of the Witch (1970)-   Begins in  17th century Lanca-shire  which  is seemingly just sky, but otherwise   a dull  student jump.

Kemek (1970)-Dispiriting Quebecois giallo  with   David  Hedison.Somehow  uses Nowhere to Run by Martha  and the Vandellas.

Ice (1970) -  Dystopian AFI artiness.

Necropolis (1970) - Talky, arty nonsense with   Tina Aumont.

Human  Cobras (1971)-  Nonsensical safari giallo. Obligatory appearance from Luciano Pigozzi.

Blood Thirst (1971- B/W) - Long-delayed Filipino vampire  dreck.

I Eat Your Skin (1971-  B/W)- Unusually paced and interesting voodoo science from Del Tenney.

Black  Belly  of  the Tarantula (1971)-  Average above-average  giallo.

Death by Invitation (1971)-  Another semi-period borathon from Kirt  Films.

The Touch of Satan (1971)- Very  70s, but luckless Satanist quickie shot by Jordan  Cronenweth.

If Footmen Tire You, What Will Horses Do? (1971)- So Christian that the Soviets look and  act like  Sally Army.

Murder Mansion (1972)-       Spanish psycho gubbins released by Avco Embassy.

Al Tropico Del Cancro (1972)-  Junky  travelogue voodoo-giallo with Anthony Steffen

French Sex Murders (1972) -            Jazzmag giallo.

ToKill A Clown (1972)- Nothingy psychodrama.  An  unlikeably grim Alan  Alda  resembles Dave Thomas in  an SCTV sketch.

Stanley (1972)- Dreadful sub-Gilbert O'Sullivan-scored Willard-with-snakes  and  burlesque.
Director William  Grefe also gave us  the  forgettable/forgotten  sub-Deliverance Whiskey Mountain (1977)   and the abysmal Impulse (1974) -   William  Shatner as a whining,  serial-killing gigolo eejit.

A   Thief  In The  Night (1972) - Scored by  Cliff Richard  influence  Larry Norman,  supposedly worldwide peril reduced    to scary ambulances, made in an  Iowa  funfair.

Man of La  Mancha (1972)- Peter O'Toole looks like  he is  made  of papier mache.Sophia can't sing.  Blessed is  sexy.

Piranha Piranha (1972)- Boring   Amazon adventure with William Smith.

Stigma (1972) - Attractive but dreary Cambridge, Mass-shot thriller with  Philip Michael Thomas.

Daigoro vs Goliath  (1972)- Silly kiddy Toho kaiju  that manages to  be daft not stupid.

Death Walks At Midnight (1972)-  Typical giallo.

Dr. Jekyll and the Werewolf (1972) - Typically goofy   Paul  Naschy.
See  also  the dreadful Vengeance of the Zombies (1973)

Spirit of the Beehive (1973)- Undeniably  beautiful piece of work.

You'll Like My Mother (1973)   -  Snowy, bland, messy Patty Duke-miscast Richard Thomas vehicle. Ok.ru.

Maxie (1973)  - Boring/arty Scots-themed butchery with  Talia Shire.

Warlock  Moon (1973)- Zzzzz. Satanic college student codswallop.

The House That Cried Murder (1973)- Clemensy Bridal  nonsense with Arthur Roberts, spokesman for Skoal Bandits -  the  tobacco scampi fry.

The Severed Arm (1973) - Mining  in   darkness.

Night Watch (1973)-  Clemensesque   boredom, Liz Taylor, Lar Harvey, and Tony Britton.

The Spectre of Edgar Allan Poe (1974)- Was this shot   on  video?

La noche de los asesinos (1974) -    Jess  Franco's Cat  and Canary. Says it  all.

Down and Dirty  Duck (1974)-Because it's Murakami,  the animation's not bad.

 L'Esorciccio (1975) -Asinine  Italian comedy.

Foreplay (1975) -   John G Avildsen-codirected compendium of smut,  with Zero   Mostel, Thayer  David, Jerry Orbach, Estelle  Parsons and Prof. Irwin  Corey, and a dirndl-clad sex-bot/doll.

Sunburst (1975)-  Dreary woodlands hippie slashie, padded out  by    a lecture from Rudy Vallee.

Get Mean (1975)- A spaghetti western that wants  to be directed by Ken Russell.

Poor Pretty Eddie (1975) - Grotty  Leslie  Uggams rape-revenger.

Blood Voyage (1976) - Dreary boat-killer.  Has lots of   parking  cars to   pad it  out.

Dark August (1976) - Dreary  Vermont  psychothriller.

Albino  (1976)-   Christopher Lee, James  Faulkner, Sybil Danning and  a  drunk Trevor Howard wander about Africa,  chasing Horst Frank   as an African tribesman. Odd.

Naked Massacre (1976)- Troubles-set slasher, partly filmed in Belfast, but mostly in Dublin.  Sleazy, depressing, but with  ads for   Bass and fake BBC  bulletins.

Massacre   at  Central High  (1976)-  A    teen comedy   without the comedy, but with  suspicious deaths, i.e.hang-gliding into     a pylon. Ridiculous themetune. But oddly powerful.

Ransom (1977) - Roger McGuinn-soundtracked westernish  Corman  oddity with  Oliver Reed.  WHAT  IS ZIS? No wonder Corman couldn't sell it.

Gran Bollito (1977)  -  A   mainly ordinary  true crime drama  with Shelley Winters,except  her female victims  are all  played  by  men.  Max  von   Sydow   is in a double role, one as  a  blonde   Italian spinster, and  it's  disconcerting. A DISCOVERY.

Martin  (1977)-  Romero's  a hack, this is rough but aside from Creepshow, it might  be his best, if only  for Pittsburgh being a character.

Welcome to Blood City (1977) - Dull  Anglo-Canadian  VR  Westworld   with Jack Palance.

Equus (1977) - Fine  Burton  hamming,  but reprehensible and slightly Blue Remembered  Hills.  Plus it is clearly  shot in Toronto. You can even hear the  odd Canuck twang.

Holocaust   2000  (1977)-   Never  quite gets   where it  needs to be.

The Alpha Incident (1978) - Zzzz.

Joyride (1977)- Actually a sickly faux-Canadian AIP  teen  dramedy.

Till Death (1978)- Boring if oddly atmospheric.

Death Drug (1978)  -   Philip   Michael Thomas in  a  feature-long PSA/PIF.


War of the Wizards (1978)- Tacky Asian fantasy with a topknotted Richard Kiel.

The Dark Ride (1978) Harv off Cagney and  Lacey is a serial killer  in   a visceral  butTVM-like dirge.

ORG (1979) -  1968-shot  devolution in meaningless  psychedelia somehow connecting young  Terence    Hill and kiss-me-quick hats.


Sensitivita (1979)- Awful Last House clone from  Castellari.

Natural Enemies (1979)-  Hal  Holbrook plays a "good man"  who kills  his family. TVM-like,  but   you believe Hal.

City On Fire  (1979) - Bland  all-star disaster. Leslie Nielsen  in serious mode.

Human Experiments (1979)-  Prisoner Cell Block H -  as a video nasty.

GALAXY EXPRESS 999 (1979)-         Beautiful   piece of  work, despite not being an anime fan. This at least has nicely paced   animation.  The sequel, Adieu Galaxy Express 999 (1981) is probably  deliberately  depressing.  DISCOVERY.

Vengeance is Mine (1979)- Nasty, overlong Nikkatsu  serial  killer  yarn.

Io zombo tu zombi lei Zomba (1979) -Godawful sex-zom-com  with Duilio del Prete,the Frederick   Stafford to Bogdanovich's Hitchcock, and  an Italian Bob  Carolgees.


Hot Stuff (1979)- DomDeluise and Jerry Reed  in  a Miami-shot sub-Spencer  and Hill comedy.

Double Negative (1980) - Deathly  dull  Canuck  erotic thriller that has serious cameos by the SCTV  team,  wasting John    Candy,Eugene  Levy,  Joe Flaherty, Dave Thomas and  "Katherine O'Hara" (sic).

The Private  Eyes (1980)  - Decent for  what  it is.  Don Knotts and  Tim Conway are fun,  but "England" IS North Carolina. Heavily ok.rued.

Enter The Game Of Death  (1980)-   Anachronistic Bond   soundtrack-bootlegging WW2  Bruceploitation  nonsense, with  a  geeky David Hartman-alike in braces  as the    baddie.

Resurrection (1980)-   Ellen Burstyn tear-puller.

Roar (1981)- Astonishing though impossible to  follow.  Basically the only  mondo  film to  be promoted on  Blue Peter.

Venom (1981)-   Celebrity nutters vs snakes! Actually quite beige.

The Eyes of Amaryllis (1982)- Bergmanesque kiddie spookiness  aimed  at the Disney/Wonderworks set.

Still  of  the Night (1982)  - Bland faux-De Palma.

Eating Raoul (1982) - Oddly   pedestrian Paul  Bartel  effort. Gawd Robert Beltran's a  shocking  actor. Probably rejected from the Ricardo Montalban School of Fine Acting.

Tempest (1982) -  Cassavetes  and  a  pervily  leered   over  Molly Ringwald  in  a  modern Greek-set  Shakespeare.

The Keep (1983)- Overstylised nonsense.

I Was A Teenage TV Terrorist! (1985) - Amateur  Troma muck.

When Nature Calls (1985) - Troma  parodic nonsense,  oh  so  unwatchable. David   Straithairn as  an Indian.

SPACE RAGE (1985) -  Beige post-apocalyptica.

Baby Secret of the Lost Legend (1986)- Some of the worst dinosaurs ever.

The Cosmic Eye (1986) -Nice style,  but the  animation styles don't mesh.

Love  at  Stake  (1987) -  Dire Puritan teen comedy.

Veld (1987)-   Grim Soviet Bradbury adap.

High  Crusade (1993) - Deadful  German Python  knockoff.

Killer Condom   (1996)- German-language New  York set grossout  grunge   based on the Teutonic equivalent of  Viz.

Man of the Century  (1999-   B/W) - Quirky  but self-liking  story of a 90s guy who wants to be in  the 20s.